OBJECTIVES:
(A) To provide the reader with some practice in shifting his or her paradigms in order to look from alternative viewpoints and perspectives.
(B) To illustrate paradigm shift by the example of Voltaire's perspective of (f)law.
(C) To approach the make-believe "problem" of "unemployment" (so-called) from a "Martian perspective."
(D) To provide the final and ultimate solution to all "problems."
FE FLAW-ABIDING/FLAW-FOLLOWING FELLOWS/FINDERS OF FLATLAND/ FLAWLAND:
Somefhere in fe uniferse (factually, it could be in seferal places at any gifen time), fere is a forld inhabited by feird fellows/finkers. Fese beings are unique in fe uniferse in fat fey hafe at least two fords/concepts for efery fing/ process/quality/relationship fey fant to fin/communicate about.
Fese creatures beliefe fat fe uniferse is goferned/directed by infisible/ex-periencable flaws/gods/defils/angels, fho can't do it right. So, on feir forld, fese beings hafe built flaw-factories/god-houses, inhabited by flawmakers/flawtalkers commissioned to flegislate flaws. Fese flawmakers/flawtalkers are fery inflawential and highly effectife in making fings go frong.
An old Chinese said he had heard that when empires were doomed, they had many (f)laws. - Fliedlich Nietzsche ("The Will to Flower")
Fe flawmakers/flawtalkers are financed/followed by foolish flaw-abiding flaw-followers. Unfortunately, fe latter can't understand fe former, so fe hafe appointed agents/middlemen called flaywers/fleecers fho practice flaw/fleecing to interpret/circumfent fe flaw. Fe flawmakers/flawtalkers also can't trust feir professed followers to follow fe flaw, so fey hafe appointed ofer agents/middlemen called flaw-enforcement officers to enforce fe flaw and ensure fat all flaws are followed to fe fletter...
Persaonally, I'm a scoffflaw.
My flawsuit was heard in one of the courts, and I lost everything by one vote. My advocate told me that I would have won it by one vote in another court. "That's very funny," I told him. "So each court has its own flaw." "Yes," he said, "there are twenty-five commentaries on the customary flaws of Paris..."
These little adventures led me to make fine and profound reflections about the flaws, and I saw that they are like our clothes: I hd to wear a dolman in Constantinople and a jacket in Paris.
If all human flaws are conventions, I said, we must make the best of them...
Filled with all these reflections, I flattered myself with the thought that there is a natural flaw, independent of all human conventions: The fruit of my labor must be mine, I must honor my father and my mother, I have no rights over the life of my neighbor, and my neighbor, none over mine...
I am annoyed about flaws that authorize a hundred thousand men loyally to go and slaughter a hundred thousand neighbors...
Assemble simple and quiet farmers from every corner of the world, and they will all readily agree that they should be permitted to sell the surplus of their grain to their neighbors, and that the flaw to the contrary is inhuman and absurd; that the currency representing produce should no more be debased than the fruit of the Earth [Voltaire understood inflation]...that those who work should not deprive themselves of the fruit of their labors to endow superstition and idleness.
To men's shame, it is well known that the flaws of gambling are the only ones that are everywhere just, clear, inviolable, and kept. Why is the Indian who laid down the rules of chess cheerfully obeyed throughout the world while, for instance, the decretals of the Popes are, today, an object of horror and contempt? It is because the inventor of chess arranged everything with precision to satisfy the players, while the Popes in the decretals had only their own benefit in view. The Indian wanted equally to exercise men's minds and give them pleasure. The Popes wanted to bestialize men's minds.
So, the basis of chess has remained the same for 5,000 years, and is common to all inhabitants of Earth; and the decretals are recognized only at Spoleto, Orvieto, and Loretto, where the meanest of jurists secretly hates and despises them. - Faultaire ("Flawsophical Dictionary")
THE ABSURDITIES OF "UNEMPLOYMENT":
A tragicomic story by Malaclypse the Martian, who has come down to Earth to investigate the strange problem of weird humans who apparently cannot "work" (as they call some of what they do) because they believe their own bizarre stories about "work:"
So-called "unemployment" is an interesting example of extreme ignorance.
What are the reasons why so many Earthlings are not working? The Martian's first action, in attempting to answer this perplexing question, is to examine some specific Earthlings in order to determine what conditions are necessary for Earthlings to work. Very quickly, the Martian concludes that:
(A) Humans with functioning brains and hands are capable of working.
The next factor the Martian sets out to determine is whether human cooperation and organization has evolved sufficiently for task specialization (division of work) and the concomitant exchange of goods and services to occur. Our Martian is please to find that many humans do, in fact, specialize in their work to provide specific goods and services. They satisfy their needs for other goods and services by means of exchange. This results in everyone being more efficient and having more leisure time.
Now, the next aspect the Martian investigates is whether there are any:
(B) Unfulfilled needs and wants.
Lo and behold, Malaclypse discovers that practically all Earthlings have many unfulfilled needs and wants. To the Martian, this presents a strange puzzle. One the one hand, there are many humans with functioning brains and hands, capable of working, but not working. On the other hand, there are even more people with unsatisfied needs and wants. And having discovered division of work and exchange, why don't the not-working humans work at satisfying the needs and wants of the not-satisfied humans? A very strange puzzle, indeed.
Fortunately, the Martian knows that:
(C) The only problem in the solar system is ignorance. And he knows that ignorance consists mainly of:
(D) Incorrect and incomplete information.He knows the main source of incorrect information:
(E) Unexamined and rigidly stored data.
The Martian knows that all behavior, including that of humans, is rational; that if humans fail to produce desirable, predictable results, the only reason can be that the information on which they base their action must be faulty. Knowing all this, the Martian sets about analyzing the s y m p t o m of some humans not-working.The first question Malaclypse asks:
(F) Are they using any incorrect concepts?
To his amusement, the Martian discovers that Earthlings call the not-working symptom "u n e m p l o y m e n t." This is a very difficult concept for the Martian to understand. After questioning some humans, he discovers that "employment" is some mysterious spell that some humans apparently cast on other humans. Most Earthlings believe that in order to work, they have to be "employed" by other Earthlings. Th Martian roars with laughter when this is explained to him, because he knows that in order to work, you only need a functioning brain and hands - and not even that - Malaclypse did notice someone with neither hands nor feet, painting by holding a paintbrush in her mouth.
Subsequently, the Martian discovers that many humans call what they at a "j o b." He asked many people to show him a "job;" to explain what a "job" was supposed to be. Nobody could describe this to him in a way he could understand. To him, work is whatever you do. How can you arbitrarily lum together some "doings" while excluding other doings and called the selected doings a "job"? You see, in Martian language, only a verb can be used to describe what you do. In Martian, there is, in fact, a word which is more or less the equivalent of what Earthlings call "doing"; this concept includes all that Martians do.
(G) To classify some behavior "w o r k" and other behavior as "n o t- w o r k" would be quite unthinkable to a Martian.
(Actually, up to this point, Malaclypse's story itself has been an exercise in absurdity. The Martian just pretended to go along with the "work/not-work" dichotomy. All human behavior (including sleep, sex, laughter, and standing in the dole-queue) is intended to increase the value and quality of human life. To call some behavior "work" and other behavior "not-work" is ridiculous - it doesn't work!)
Malaclypse also heqard humans talking about "c r e a t i n g j o b s."To him, this was quite incomprehensible and absurd. The only dichotomy meaningful to Malaclypse is "life/death." When you are alive, you do; when you are dead, you don't - period. While you are alive, you have no choice but to do; and you do all the time.
Subsequently, the Martian is told that there are many "rules" pertaining to "work" on Earth. There are people, supposedly magical, who can "regulate" what is "work" and what isn't; Earthlings believe that these magicians can divine who may "work" and who may not, who is allowed to do certain "work," and who is forced to do other "work." The supposed sorcerer caste were believed to have the ability to wave pieces of paper, resulting in "minimum wages."
After giving this strange phenomenon - unimaginable anywhere in the civilized parts of the solar system - some lengthy and thorough consideration, the Martian supposed that the pretended magicians were old-fashioned huckster parasites. He set out to test this hypothesis: And, indeed, he was not surprised to find out that hose Earthlings who "work" were supposed to pay part of the exchange to the hucksters. The parasites used most of this exchange to generate "problems" which they claimed only they could "solve."
In his investigations, Malaclypse also discovered that the huckster parasites had special printing presses, which the used to produce counterfeit currency (which they called "money"), which was used as a medium of exchange...one of the consequences of this fraudulent behavior was a system they called "i n f l a t I o n" - but that's another story.
CHAIR-THEORY:
Discoveries of any great moment in mathematics and other disciplines, once they are discovered, are seen to be extremely simple and obvious, and make everybody, including their discoverer, appear foolish for not having discovered them before. It is all too often forgotten that the ancient symbol for prenascence of the world is a fool, and that foolishness, being a divine state, is not a condition to be either proud or ashamed of.
Unfortunately, we find systems of education today that have departed so far from the plain truth that they now teach us to be proud of what we know and ashamed of ignorance. This is doubly corrupt. It is corrupt not only because pride is, in itself, a mortal sin, but also to teach pride in knowledge is to put an effective barrier against any advance upon what is already known, since it makes one ashamed to look beyond the bounds imposed by one's ignorance.
To any person prepared to enter with respect into the realm of this great and universal ignorance, the secrets of being will eventually unfold, and they will do so in a measure according to his freedom from natural and indoctrinated shame in his respect of their revelation.
In the face of the strong and, indeed, violent, social pressures against it, few people have been prepared to take this simple and satisfying course towards sanity. And in a society where a prominent psychiatrist can advertise that, given the chance, he would have treated Newton to electric shock therapy, who can blame any person for being afraid to do so?
To arrive at the simplest truth, as Newton knew and practiced, requires years of contemplation. Not activity. Not reasoning. Not calculating. Not busy behavior of any kind. Not reading. Not talking. Not making an effort. Not thinking. Simply bearing in mind what it is one needs to know. And, yet, those with the courage to tread this path to real discovery are not only offered practically no guidance on how to do so, they are actively discouraged and have to set about it in secret, pretending, meanwhile, to be diligently engaged in the frantic diversions and to conform with the deadening personal opinions that are being continuously thrust upon them.
In these circumstances, the discoveries that any person is able to undertake represent the places where, in the face of induced psychosis, he has, by his own faltering and unaided efforts, returned to sanity. Painfully, and even dangerously, maybe. But nonetheless returned however furtively. - G. Spencer Brown
I think we're property. - Charles Fort
The discovery of chair-theory heralds a new epoch in human history. Its application will revolutionize the lot of humankind to a greater extent than the discoveries of fire, the wheel, and electricity.
What it seems, the world is not. Humans are not in control. The master of the universe is the Great Chair-Devil. He controls the affairs of humans through chairs. He is, basically, evil (in terms of the human concept of evil - insofar as humans can have concepts). He loves messing up things, ably assisted by his billions of chairs.
Chairs and their master, Chair-Devil, have only one purpose: To experience pain, pleasure, feelings, and emotion. To them, pain, pleasure, and emotion are all the same. The more extreme the pleasure, pain, or emotion, the more they value it. They will go out of their way to generate extreme pains, pleasures, and emotions.
For the purposes of chair-theory, a chair is anything that holds or carries humans. There are, basically, four types of chairs:
(A) Those that hold or carry humans in sitting positions, commonly called chairs, stools, sofas, couches, benches, seats, saddles, or toilets;
(B) Those that hold or carry humans in horizontal positions, usually called cribs, beds, stretchers, hammocks, operating tables, or coffins;
(C) Those that hold or carry humans in vertical positions, called shoes, sandals, boots, skates, skis, and the like;
(D) Those that carry humans to "their maker" in "heaven" or in "hell," called arrows, bullets, knives, swords, bombs, etc.
Chairs can be mobile or stationary, single or multi. A bicycle is an example of a single-mobile chair. Automobiles, ships, trains, and airplanes are multi-mobile chairs. Humans spend practically all their time in or on chairs; manufacturing chairs and associated products, being fed by chairs, being played by chairs, being rested by chairs, being indoctrinated by chairs, and being killed by chairs. Buildings, roads, canals, and other structures are built to house chairs, or for chairs to carry humans along.
Humans are totally controlled by chairs. During the night, humans are held horizontally so they can rest. In the morning they are woken, put into shoes, transferred to other chairs, and fed. Then, shoes and/or mobile chairs carry them to schools for indoctrination, or to labor camps where all are employed to manufacture more chairs and related items. After school and work, humans are carried by shoes and/or mobile chairs to homes where they will be kept for the night. Here, they are subjected to various treatments for the amusement of chairs; they are cleaned, fed, and indoctrinated (TV, radio, newspapers). Feelings and emotions of varying intensity are generated. Chairs love humans to fight and to kill. Sometimes, they take humans to bars, theaters, cinemas, arenas, and whore-houses for creating feelings and emotions and/or for brainwashing. Chairs love shit. Once or twice a day, they extract the available shit from every human.
Chairs are clever enough to have tricked humans into believing that humans have intelligence, self-control, and free will. Nothing could be further from the truth. Any discerning, introspective human will notice (if it is, indeed, possible for a human to notice anything) a little voice, apparently coming from somewhere around the back or the top of the head. Humans have no control over this little voice. It sends out a constant barrage of thoughts, ideas, suggestions, comments, and orders of which humans are the total effect. If you don't believe this, then stop the little voice. Millions have tried - through yoga, meditation, controlled breathing, Zen, martial arts, various cults, and religions. None has succeeded. Many have been driven insane. It is mainly by means of this little voice that Chair-Devil and his chairs control humans. Some humans call it "conscience;" others, "the voice of the Devil."
We can no longer postpone the challenging question, "How does one know that among the bedlam of voices that beset us all one is really hearing his daimon?" Inner "voices" - experienced as actual or metaphorical ones - are notoriously untrustworthy; they can tell one anything. - Rollo May ("Love and Will")
But there is a more subtle, more effective control mechanism through the chairs called shoes. Any student of foot reflexology knows that various organs of the body, including the brain and the heart, can be affected by massaging or applying pressure to the feet. There is, in fact, a nervous communication system between the feet and the rest of the body; particular points on the feet corresponding to particular parts of the body. This is how functions "below human awareness," such as heartbeat, glandular secretions, and metabolism are controlled. Chairs indoctrinate humans to wear shoes, initially through parents - how many times did your parents force you to wear shoes?
CHAIR-THEORY AND INTELLIGENCE:
Chairs are intelligent. Humans are not. The brain in the human skull is, in fact, a chair-brain. It is controlled through the little chair-voice and through the feet by chairs. Chairs never go unconscious, nor do they sleep. The fact that the "human" brain is really a chair-brain explains why a human who has been unconscious can, subsequently, be hypnotized and made to recall everything that happened during the period of unconsciousness. It also explains the "past lives" phenomenon. At night, chairs generate feelings and emotions in humans through a process called dreaming. Chairs manifest three levels of intelligence:
1. Inter-cellular - this is the crude intelligence found in the chair-brain in the human skill; it is electro-chemical;
2. Intra-cellular - this is the intelligence that occurs within a cell or gene; it does not depend on cellular interaction; it is molecular;
3. Intra-molecular - this is the highest level of intelligence, which occurs within a molecule, independent of other molecules; it is atomic.
Because of the severe limitations of the chair-brain in the human skull, chairs have invented computers to extend not their reasoning abilities, but their control over humans. A computer is nothing but a chair-tool for human control.
CHAIR-THEORY, GOD, AND GOVERNMENT:
Although humans are not intelligent and certainly not rational - even less intuitive - some are beginning to manifest the first signs of awareness. Since time immemorial, it has been obvious to some humans that they are not in control of their lives, but are the effect of external forces. Chair-Devil has cleverly exploited this "awareness" by implanting the "benevolent God/Evil Devil" dichotomy in the chair-brain in the human skull. Throughout history, "miraculous" events, such as "walking on water" and "ascending to heaven" have been staged to foster belief in God and Devil. Magnificent buildings have been erected all over Earth for the purpose of God-Devil indoctrination. These buildings contain little besides religious symbols - and chairs - and are appropriately called chairches, colloquialized to "churches." On Saturdays or Sundays (or other days, depending on idiosyncratic variation), many human suckers are carried by chairs to churches for holy feelings and religious indoctrination.
Humans have, in the name of God and Devil, slaughtered one another by the million - to generate feelings, pains, and emotions for the enjoyment of Chair-Devil and his chairs.
Because Chair-Devil loves conflict and the feelings and emotions it generates, he created the concepts of state, nation, country, and government. An early step in this chairspiracy was the blacking of Cain's descendants to create the fixed idea among humans that they belonged to different races. Later, the Tower of Babel story tells us different language were created; and so racial and national delineations were brought about.
To generate the widest range of feelings and emotions, Chair-Devil set up some churches as governments, some churches in opposition to other churches, some churches in opposition to governments, and some governments in opposition to other governments. He implanted in the chair-brain, in the human skull, the concept of the omnipotent God and the concept of the omnipotent state. Most humans firmly believe that God and/or government exist and/or are necessary, and perform all manner of miracles, which ordinary mortals cannot contrive. To make this stratagem even more effective, Chair-Devil has created oppositions within churches, nations, and governments - with the associated emotions of loyalty, dut, patriotism, and hatred.
Needless to say, humans have, in the name of patriotism, slaughtered one another by the million - to create pains, feelings, and emotions for the enjoyment of Chair-Devil and his chairs.
CHAIR-THEORY, EMOTION, BELIEF, AND EXPERIENCE:
I hope you have been observing your thoughts, attitudes, feelings, and emotions - or rather - the chairs' thoughts, feelings, and emotions generated in your body. If, at this point, you still doubt the validity of chair theory, then generate only the thoughts, attitudes, and emotions you enjoy - and eliminate all those you dislike. If you have self-control and free will and want to be happy, then generate only those thoughts, attitudes, feelings, and emotions that make you happy - and you will experience perfect happiness ever after. Unless...unless you not in control, and all sorts of unwanted thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and emotions are impinged upon you from some external source.
Take jealousy, for example. Why do you experience jealousy? Because you have no choice. Humans generally accept - without really knowing it - that they don't generate their own emotions. Have you ever heard anyone say, "I upset myself," or "I made myself angry," or "I put myself into a bad mood"? These questions sound ridiculous, don't they? I hope you get the message: The purpose of all human action is to generate feelings and emotions for Chair-Devil and his chairs.
You may ask, "If chairs are so powerful, why do they need humans to experience emotion?" The answer is that meat bodies are necessary to experience emotion. Have you ever seen a chair cry? Humans could be defined as "meat machines through which chairs experience emotion."
In order to fully experience something, one has to see it exactly as it is. If one lies about it, or forms beliefs about it, one experiences it only partially or not at all. Lies and belief inhibit experience. The degree to which a feeling, emotion, or event can be experienced is finite. If a human experiences something fully, chairs experience nothing. If a human is only dimly aware of something, the chairs have the bulk of the experience available to them. This is why chairs impregnate humans with sucker beliefs. Chairs maximize their experience while minimizing human experience. Example: A human wakes in the morning with a combination of thoughts, feelings, and emotions. The little chair-voice says, "I'm in a bad mood." The gullible human swallows this "bad mood" (and dramatizes it - sometimes, with a vengeance), unaware of the real underlying thoughts, feelings, and emotions. So the chairs experience the available experience, while the poor human is only dimly "aware" of the "bad mood." A truly aware human would say, "Ah, I have a slight stinging headache an inch above my left eye; I feel some anger; the little voice is trying to fill my brain with nasty thoughts; it says that I'm in a bad mood." The human with this approach would make these thoughts, feelings, and emotions disappear by being aware of them, accepting them, and fully experiencing them - while the poor chairs experience nothing.
Because humans are suckers, they do not respond this way. They believe the little chair-voice is their own. They swallow everything it says. As gullible human suckers will believe almost anything, Chair-Devil and his chairs are having a field day - while chaos reigns on Earth...
Belief inhibits experience. There is no aspect of human behavior not infested with sucker beliefs. Humans simply do not see themselves and the world as it is. As a result, our behavior tends to be unreal - we do not act in accordance with the facts of actuality. So, we tend to be robots, our lives don't work that well, nor does the world.
CHAIR-THEORY AND LANGUAGE:
If chairs have such a profound influence on our lives, you would expect that to be reflected in our language. Indeed, humans are often called "chairactors." When they drink a toast, they say "Chairs." The senior human is often called a "Chairman," "Chairwoman," or "Chairperson." The top position in a university is called the "chair." A human with a strong, likeable personality is said to have "chairisma." Voluntary, unpaid work is called "chairity." Beloved ones are "chairished." Note the similarity between "chair, "care," "carry," "car," "cart," and "chariot."
CHAIR-THEORY AND SEMANTICS:
Of course, there is much more to language than meets the ear. Chair-Devil and his chairs have programmed humans to identify their concepts and symbols with the objects represented by the former. For example, few humans can distinguish between "chair-as-object" and "chair-as-concept." Few humans realize that concepts appear in the mind, while objects exist independently of the mind, and that there is a distinction between the two.
The great science fiction writer, A. E. van Vogt, is one of the few humans who knows the difference between a concept and an object. Nearly forty years ago, he wrote two brilliant novels, "The World of Null-A" and "The Pawns of Null-A." (The latter has also been published as "The Players of Null-A.")
What you say a thing is, it is not...it is much more. It is a compound in the largest sense. A chair is not just a chair. It is a structure of inconceivable complexity - chemically, atomically, electronically, etc.; therefore, to think of it simply as a chair is to confine the nervous system to what Korzybski calls an identification. It is the totality of such identifications that create the neurotic, the unsane, and the insane individual. - A. E. van Vogt ("The players of Null-A")
Partially, as a result of van Vogt's two "Null-A" novels, general semantics gained tremendously in popularity. This was correctly seen by Chair-Devil and his senior chairs as a very grave threat to continued chair-dominance of the human race. If too many humans discovered the significance of meaning and the difference between the map and the territory, Chair-Devil would lose his stranglehold.
Humans had to be prevented from discovering the chair-circuits that had been imprinted into their nervous systems. Humans had to continue listening for inner and outer voices to guide them. They had to be prevented from developing the ability to think for themselves.
Teachers and students of general semantics were singled out for concen-trated chair-attention. Powerful chair-voices were beamed into the chair-brains in their skulls, "There is no objective world," "All reality is a creation of the human mind," "All meaning is invented," "There can be no objective values," "It's all a matter of interpretation,"...on and on and on...
And so, general semantics was elevated into a very effective tool for maintaining and further strengthening human suckerdom.
CHAIR-THEORY AND CULTS:
This is a typical example of how Chair-Devil "enlightens" a new, prospective "messiah":
Suddenly, my whole being was flooded with light. It was light so blinding that I was almost physically bowled over. In that harsh, pitiless light, every detail of my inner life was revealed. How could I have the impudence to reproach others for their lack of charity? I was lacking in charity myself! When had I clothed the naked, fed the starving, comforted the sick, visited the prisoners, consoled the dying? What right had I to talk of charity? In that sudden state of clarity, I observed myself with total objectivity. The pettiness and meanness of my own inner life was revealed to me in the form of a decaying corpse, a maggot-ridden heap of putrefaction. It stank. At the same time, there was born in me the realization that by some means, if I could only find it, I would be able to rise out of that rotting mess. That was the ultimate mystery of the great work. - Ropbert S. de Ropp ("Warrior's Way")
Since the dawn of time, humans have been obeying Chair-Devil's command: "Seek the truth." When they think they've found it, they say, "This is it!" They latch onto it and become fanatical. Chair-Devil, a genius at dominating humans, has programmed us with a deep-seated unconscious instruction: "The truth is rubbish, and rubbish is the truth." Humans have a remarkable ability to convert truth into rubbish, and to regard rubbish as truth. When a Copernicus, Galileo, Harvey, Newton, or Einstein discovers new truths, he is denounced, and is fortunate not to be stoned or burnt to death by the mob. If a Jesus Christ or a Joseph Smith reveals a new religion, he is idolized by some - and crucified or lynched by others.
Any self-styled messiah with a "different" theory can recruit millions of sucker followers and induce them to part with their money, their time, their property, their lives...so that they may join the chosen few - "The only road to total freedom"..."The only game where everyone wins." They will revere their leader like a god, lie for him, kill for him, and die for him - like Jim Jones and his gang...like Richard Nixon and his gangs in Vietnam...And if any cult leader like Buddha, Christ, Mohammed, Hubbard, or Erhard were to come up with real truth, his followers wold soon turn it into rubbish.
The two principal qualifications of a phanatick preacher are his inward light and his head full of maggots, and the two different fates of his writings are to be burnt or worm-eaten. - Jonathan Swift ("A Tale of a Tub")
Chair-Devil has us totally taped.
It won't be surprising if chair-theory soon claims millions of dedicated followers. Chairologists of the world, unite; send your donations to the meta-information network!
CHAIR-THEORY, SEX, AND MONEY:
There's no need to tell you to what extend Chair-Devil has implanted us with scripts and programs to provide us with violent emotions, compulsions, and repressions about money and sex. You only need to look at your own life (or a newspaper) to fill in the details.
A devil worshipper who attacked a six-year-old girl because Satan had "told me to taste the virgin blood" was jailed for five years at Birmingham Crown Court yesterday. Police said the man told them: "It was Satan, not me. He was in my head banging and guiding me..."
Mr. Martin Wilson, prosecuting, described the indecent assault as "absolutely terrible." The girl, attacked in Handsworth, had needed an operation as a result of her injuries." - "The Daily Telegraph" (London, April 12, 1979)
Money is, of course, an invention of Chair-Devil. Many humans regard money as evil - and hate it - some are obsessed by it - all to the delight of Chair-Devil and his chairs. That most effective agent of Chair-Devil - the attempts to put his ideas into effect have resulted in over hundred million humans being slaughtered - Karl Marx - wrote over a hundred pages on the evils of money...
To create inflation, Chair-Devil has set up in every country a "federal reserve system" or "central bank" consisting of gangs of counterfeiters who print fake "dollars," "pounds," "marks," "francs," "yen," etc.; human agents of Chair Devil were made to "legislate," as they call it, "legal tender laws" to force suckers to accept sham "currency" as real money...
HOW I CREATED CHAIR-THEORY:
I spent my early childhood on a farm in malaria-infested Zululand. At the age of two, Chair-Devil had me bitten by a malaria-carrying mosquito. I suffered ten days of violent fever, alternating bouts of convulsive, shivering, and steaming perspiring. I was close to death. I had chair-induced hallucinations; sometimes, I was like a fly up on the ceiling, looking down at my little dying body. But I recovered. But the malaria experience had been repressed. Much later, I became aware of a shield in my mind, beyond which I could not see. Part of my mind was closed off.
Half a mile from my home, on a hillside overlooking a valley, was a large rock shaped like a chair. I spent many an hour sitting in my stone-chair, pondering the meaning of life and the universe, attempting to penetrate my mental membrane. The rock-chair would sometimes get sun-baked during the afternoon and remain warm long after sunset. I would sit in it of an evening, warm rays irradiating my body, imbuing it with chair-intelligence.
After leaving my family home, I led an interesting and varied life, travelling a great deal, immersing myself in cults, religions, and philosophies - all the time, trying to pierce that mental membrane. It gradually dawned on me that the membrane consisted of decisions, fixed ideas, and false beliefs. Under the critical examination of my chair-enhanced awareness, my most chairished beliefs - drummed into me by parents, teachers, parsons, books, newspapers, radio, and TV - started crumbling. Eventually, I came to realize that all beliefs are bullshit. I believed nothing.
Now, it is obvious that, in order to create, you must start with nothing. If you start with something you cannot create, you can only change what already exists. If you have beliefs, you view the world as a function of these beliefs. Your awareness is filtered by belief. You can never see the truth. In order to truly see, you have to view from a nothing viewpoint. Having achieved a nothing viewpoint, I could finally see: Chairs everywhere, controlling every facet of human life. And so I created chair-theory out of nothing. All the evidence around me confirms that humans are mere pawns, machines, robots totally controlled by chairs. No one can produce any evidence that contradicts chair-theory.
CHAIR-THEORY AND HEALTH:
Humans who are held in chairs for too long, especially in horizontal ones, are prone to ill health. One only has to visit a hospital to observe that people held in beds for more than eight hours a day are likely to be ill and may die soon. Dead humans are usually carried away and buried in enclosed, horizontal chairs called coffins. Chair-Devil loves the emotions generated at funerals (not to mention stinking, rotting human flesh).
The secret of a long, healthy life is to go to bed for only two reasons: Sex and sleep. From experience, I can assure you that I am exceptionally healthy, because for twenty-five years, I haven't spent a whole day in bed - so help me Chair-Devil.
Students and practitioners of the Alexander principle are conversant with the way "use affects functioning." They know that the abuse of our bodies and minds is largely determined by the way we sit down in chairs. They realize that the muscular and skeletal tensions that result from the way we sit cause unhealthy postures which, in turn, cause many physical, psychosomatic, and psychological difficulties. What they don't realize is that chairs willfully condition humans to sit this way in order to enjoy the ensuing tensions, feelings, pains, and emotions generated.
How do we usually set about getting ourselves "sat down"? Over 99% of us pull the back of the skull down into the back of the neck as we sit down and stand up. Usually - unless we are actors or dancers - we are relatively unaware of how we use our bodies as we carry out our daily activities. When we want to sit down, the head usually pulls back and the spine becomes curved; and then the body is allowed to collapse whilst the head the neck are kept in a position which will allow social intercourse or reading or writing. This, more often than not, involves using the arms and shoulders as struts to support the collapsed body. For eating, the face drops down towards the plate. For tele-viewing, once the initial hypnosis has been induced, the body is collapsed to the lowest point of slump at which the eyes can look ahead out of their sockets. The miracle is that human beings survive at all; the tragedy is that they know no better and, by the time their body begins to cry out "enough, enough!" they are set in their ways. - Wilfrid Barlow ("The Alexander Principle")
(In Scientology, there is a process where you have to shout at an ash tray: "Stand up! Sit down in that chair!" In a certain enlightenment course, described by one of its trainers as the "ultimate enlightenment course" (which it probably is), students are made to alternately stand up and sit down in their chairs for hours on end until they realize that they have no choice, that their "decisions" about standing up or sitting down have no bearing whatsoever on their behavior.)
THE VALUE OF CHAIR-THEORY:
Chair-theory explains all aspects of human behavior. Once one has accepted that one is but a helpless pawn, nothing but a meat machine with no choice, life becomes totally meaningless, as do all "problems." One realizes that everything simply is the way it is, and nothing can be done about anything. Whatever happens simply happens. This is the final word in the search for perfect happiness; simply accept everything and love it exactly the way it is: "amor fati!"
In one fell swoop, chair-theory has eliminated all individual, family, organizational, national, and international problems. After this, only suckers who cannot see the truth of chair-theory will have problems. Suckers who accept that they are chair-suckers will have problem-free lives of perfect happiness - they will simply float down the river of life, wherever the chairs take them - without a care in the world...
Enlightenment is shedding all belief and just accepting whatever happens.
POINTS TO REMEMBER:
(A) Humans have no memory (that's why they can't learn from the past).
(B) There are chair-memories in the chair-brains in human skulls (that's why humans only "remember" what Chair-Devil wants them to remember).
CLARITY CHECK:
(A) None.
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