Taking Control, Part Five
To Succeed, You Must Let Others Control You at Times
"Control is so far from being bad that a person who is sane and in very good condition does not resent good, positive control and is himself able to administer* good, positive control to people and objects. A person who is not in very good condition resents even the most casual directions and is actually not capable of controlling people or objects. The latter person is also inefficient and has many difficulties with work and with life.
"When a person cannot control things or when he resists things controlling him he involves himself with difficulties not only with people but with objects. It is also apparent that people with control difficulties more readily become ill and fail in other ways." -- L. Ron Hubbard (*administer: provide, dispense, give)
How do you feel when people give you orders or directions?
For example, if you are a business owner or executive, you may need to let your staff control your time. They must set appointments and control where you go and who you see. If you don't let them control your time, you can become overwhelmed and inefficient.
Let's say Joe asks his wife to handle the family finances. Yet when she tries to control Joe's spending, he argues about it. He spends the money however he likes despite his wife's efforts to control spending.
The couple's credit goes bad. They constantly fight. They blame money problems for their marriage problems when the real problem is with Joe's inability to be controlled.
You see examples of this inability to be controlled every day. A young man leaves the Army because he hates being bossed around. He tries to work at a car dealership, but leaves because he hates being bossed around. He fails at several other jobs as he hates control. He can't even stand driving a truck as shippers want to control him. He prefers the "freedom" of homelessness and dies of alcoholism.
More often, a person's inability to accept control is simple resistance. You might feel a reactive irritation or anger when someone tries to control you. You can think being controlled is a sign of weakness or failure. You see no benefit to being controlled.
Once you decide to accept help from someone, the next step is to let them control you.
For example, a patient needs help with her bad teeth and lets the dentist control her dental care. A failing basketball player needs help with his shooting and lets his coach control his practice routine. A business owner with low profit accepts help from a consultant and lets the consultant guide his actions.
If the person who is controlling you also knows how to use control, as described in these five articles, YOU succeed.
Positive control is not forced on you. You trust that the person wishes you success, not harm. You know his or her control is for your benefit.
Positive control from others can improve all parts of your life. For example, a good accountant controls you to stay on the right side of the tax laws. If you are a professional singer, your agent controls you to improve your income. If you are an employee, your boss controls you to improve your performance.
When you are a customer, you must let the store, restaurant or business control you so you get what you want. When you are a medical patient, your health depends on letting doctors and nurses control you. As a citizen, you can be part of an orderly society when you let government representatives take control.
Husbands and wives must give and accept control from each other. Parents need to let their children control them at times. Even managers must let employees control them when it is right for the group.
You happily accept control when you know it is for your benefit. Positive control moves you in a positive direction. You end up with more money, success and joy than if you tried to keep control a one-way street.
We all need to give and receive control to get the most from life.
Five Steps to Boosting Self-Confidence and Control
"The whole feeling of self-confidence and competence actually derives from one's ability to control or leave uncontrolled the various items and people in his surroundings." -- L. Ron Hubbard
1. Take a look at all your areas of worry and stress. Make a list of the situations in which you feel a lack of confidence or competence. Include all aspects of your job or life in which you need better control. List your concerns down the left side of a page. Leave room next to each problem to write solutions.
2. Now check if some of these problems are far outside your zone of operation. Last week's article, "Taking Control, Part Four" addressed the need to stop trying to control these problems. Write, "Stop trying to control this" next to each of these. You can still have some influence on these matters if you wish, but if it is not your responsibility to control it, stop trying.
3. For the remaining problems, ask yourself if you should be letting someone else control you somehow. If so, write what types of control you need to accept, even encourage, from others. Plan to tell them.
4. With the remaining problems, write if the problem is with you starting something, changing something or stopping something. This was covered in "Taking Control, Part Three."
Then write down what you could do. How could you start it or change it or stop it? What else could you do?
5. Carry out your plan for each problem. Repeat as needed.
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