Compiled and edited by Frederick Mann
© Copyright 2001 Build Freedom Holdings ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
DINGING IS LIKE A VERBAL SLAP IN THE FACE!
-- SOMETIMES BY AN INVISIBLE HAND!
"Thank you for your website! It made me believe that there is indeed a guiding force that leads you to understanding when you sincerely seek understanding. I would like to tell you of a recent experience that revealed to me the severe damaging effects of dinging in our personal lives. I was my own dinger and the result was a battle that in the past undermined my whole life.
I am extremely talented in many areas but in my own eyes it has in the past never been good enough. My energy level has usually been low. I used to feel somewhat depressed daily.
Recently my nephew and niece from Europe visited the US and I was invited to join them at the beach. One of them is 19 and I had not seen him in years. My niece is 16. I spent a great day with them. The next day, I sprang out of bed at 6am and started working with unusual energy to the music of the Beatles. At one point I was dancing in front of a mirror. I accomplished so many things that day and my life was hopeful. After reading in your website I realized what had happened to me. That day at the beach, my nephew gave me an incredible amount of attention. He wanted to know about my life and he insisted that I tell him about the screenplays I was writing. I asked him, "Are you really interested?" He said it was great and he wanted to know the end of the story. My niece gave me big smiles and she was interested in my explanation of the world through the eyes of quantum mechanics, which is my interest. All of a sudden, I found myself interesting, funny, entertaining. I felt accepted, admired and respected. No dinging whatsoever, on the contrary, only gratitude. It was as if my nephew and niece were grateful that they had un uncle like me. My sudden life explosion was directly caused by that day. I am grateful that the light led me to your website because I feel excited and full of hope all of a sudden. I have realized that I, myself, have been a big time dinger in the past and now I will set about the task of stopping that.
Thank you again!!!" -- J.V. (8/23/07)
In #TL074: Peme-Theory - Basic, Intermediate & Advanced, I (Frederick Mann) wrote the following:
Dinging and Dedinging
A few years ago I heard of businessman Kingsley Wimbush who operated a company in California. He and his personnel apparently became phenomenally successful, partly because of his recognition of "dinging." Many of us, most days, experience all kinds of little disappointments, verbal putdowns, negative self-talk, and the general negative effects of Slavespeak. These negative incidents constitute dinging. I suspect that some people allow themselves to be gradually "dragged down" by dinging in a cumulative manner.
The cumulative allowing yourself to be "dragged down" can manifest as "burnout." It tends to be particularly noticeable among those salespeople who by the nature of their occupations have to deal with many more rejections than successful sales. (The book 'NewSell' by Dr. Michael Hewitt-Gleeson also contains some important information on this topic -- see http://www.sot.com.au.)
"Dedinging" is a procedure whereby, every day, we recover from all that day's dinging incidents. I haven't yet come across the details of the dedinging procedure. I suspect it's one of the greatest "increasers of personal power." We need to track it down or redevelop it.
Fortunately, someone who asked to be known as "Big Richard" responded to the above. I've edited and expanded his report.
Subtle Suppression by "Big Richard"
I came across your site some years ago, and noticed the reference to Kingsley Wimbush and the handling of Subtle Suppression [dedinging] he developed. I thought I might write up my understanding of it. I was in San Jose, California in the early 1980s attending a class at a software company that I worked for at the time. I had heard some incredible stories about something going on at the Wimbush company, also in San Jose.
I had been a successful member of the United States Marine Corps (USMC) as an Aerial Navigator, and had been a member of the United States Air Force in Supply. I have also done two stints in the United States Army reserve National guard. I have four honorable discharges for my service career. So I had some large groups to compare them to, and had experienced a great deal of fun and also seen how not to run groups.
Since then I've also been part of several successful startup software companies and the knowledge I gained from my San Jose trip has been very useful. I visited the Wimbush company and noticed several things. First, there was a very large number of people. Second, the "tone level" of the place (the emotional level people were operating at) was very high. Third, there was a lot of happy motion and production going on. It looked much like a more successful version of my time on USMC air crew, which had consisted of tightly knit groups of flyers working together happily and effectively.
I was astounded by the productivity I observed at the Wimbush company. So it seemed the stories were true. At the time they were grossing close to 190,000 to 200,000 of product sales per week, and were delivering at a high level of service to support those sales. Production at the company at one time had been at a very flat, consistent 10,000 per week sales level and delivery for several years.
I was so impressed that I enrolled in a productivity course at the Wimbush company. I was given a "twin" (a "buddy" to study with) and shown a video tape of Kingsley discussing an evaluation he had done and what had led up to the incredible increase in productivity. The video tape included some exercises.
Kingsley was a highly trained executive and had been involved in business training for several years. He had recruited a good staff, trained them well, and they were on a commission system. Things went OK, but he never could get the production above the level of about 10,000 sales per week, with the same level of delivery. Then he took a management course on how to analyze situations of stagnating productivity.
What the management course taught him is that you first observe and identify the "current situation." Then you define or describe the "ideal situation" -- what would the "perfect situation" be? Then you identify the largest shortcoming in the current situation -- the major difference between the current situation and the ideal situation. Then you look for an explanation of "WHY" the current situation lags so far behind the ideal situation.
A section of the management course was called "Name, Want and Get Your Product." The product was what you were supposed to produce, such as a new sale, or a course supervised, or a bill sent out. The idea is that first you define exactly what you are supposed to produce and name it ("Name"). Then you need to really desire to create this product and the subproducts necessary to produce it, including learning better how to do it, etc. ("Want"). And then you would work hard at making, doing, or producing the subproducts and end-product ("Get"). This process should result in increased production.
The management course said something interesting: Sometimes people don't really want their product when they are in the presence of suppression. The course used the term "Subtle Suppression." It distinguished between overt suppression and covert suppression.
Kingsley then carefully observed people doing their jobs in his company to see if he could find instances of subtle or covert suppression. He noticed things like:
Kingsley realized that this was "failure to properly acknowledge something good" and noticed that it acted like suppression. The person it was done to wasn't happier, more productive, rearing to go. They kind of caved in a bit, often without even realizing it. And it wasn't easy to see, it was subtle. He decided to use the word "dinging" to describe this subtle suppression.
[Editor: A key aspect of dinging or subtle suppression is that it's subtle -- not easily seen. Example, a store clerk asks, "How are you?" You respond, "Very well, how about you?" She ignores your response. You suspect she has no interest in you and merely spoke like a robot. Suddenly, you don't feel quite as well as before she ignored your response. You may not even notice feeling slightly worse. The second key aspect of dinging is to realize the parts of it you do to yourself. You "interpreted" the behavior of the clerk in some way and made yourself feel worse as a result. The incident may even have triggered an "automatic voice" in your head, "She doesn't really care," or some such -- see #TL12: How to Achieve Emotional Control. A third key aspect of dinging is that the effects are usually cumulative -- after each dinging incident you tend to feel progressively worse. A fourth and most important aspect of dinging is that the failure to properly acknowledge or thank people "acts" like a form of dinging.]
Kingsley continued looking and noticed other similar things. So he said to himself, "Maybe this is the "WHY" -- subtle suppression is taking place and is keeping people from wanting their products, so they produce less.
One key point about the right WHY is that when you identify the exact right WHY -- the big bug that explains everything else -- practically everyone you explain this to, will say, "That's it, it's the right reason," and magically people will help get it fixed. If it's not the right WHY people will disagree, and you get resistance to getting it corrected. Having observed the subtle suppression, Kingsley needed to see if it really was the right WHY.
[Mark Lindsay: "I wonder how accurate this statement is. Could not one person see something others don't?" Editor: I think it's wishful thinking to expect that when you identify the right WHY, people will automatically agree with you and start making changes and improvements. In fact, they may even persecute you for pointing out the right WHY, as happened with Dr. Ignaz Semmelweis -- see "Semmelweis-Reflex".]
So he talked this over with his number two man. He explained what he had been doing, and what he had observed, and they talked about it. His number two agreed that it was the right WHY, and they started talking back and forth, telling each other about things like that they had done, or had done to them or seen others do. Before he knew it, two hours had passed and his number two had to go to another meeting.
Kingsley noticed something very interesting. As he and his number two were talking, and saying, "Yeah, I remember seeing this person do...." the other person would interrupt and say, "I have a better one...," and there was just this explosion of examples that came up. Afterward they both felt a lot better. Kingsley looked at this, and said that's very odd, there was this explosion of examples, and we both felt better. Maybe this is the right WHY.
Now, when you have found the right WHY, you need to come up with a bright idea on how to handle it. Okay, so there is subtle suppression going on. How do we fix this? Kingsley looked at what had happened with his number two and said maybe the fix is, we go over the evaluation, and then we have people find examples with a "twin" or "buddy," and see if things go better. So he did this at a staff meeting. People did the "process," stating examples of how they had done this subtle suppression, or had it done to them, or seen it done to others. The time flew by and people looked better. During the next week, production increased above the 10,000 per week sales level. So he continued doing this, and the production went up and up and up -- 10,000 up to 180,000 - 200,000 or more per week!
There were several specific things he found to discuss, and he went over them in his video tape. The way my "twin" and I did the tape, was we would watch part of the tape, come up to an exercise, and stop the tape, and do it. We found the same phenomena, we would interrupt each other with, "Oh, I've got a better one..." and just get blown out with all of the things like that we had seen, and then we would do the next section of the tape. It was probably one of the most beneficial things I have ever done in my life.
[Editor: I would appreciate receiving details of the exercises from anyone who has done this training. Please send to (Frederick Mann).]
After I had completed my course, I attended a graduation ceremony at the Wimbush company. Every Friday night, people who had finished a course during the week would be brought up to be acknowledged, and validated. There were about 300 people at this graduation, sitting on folding metal chairs. The first person was announced. There followed several minutes of the loudest most incredible, clapping, stomping, chair pounding, yelling validation of a person I had ever seen. And of course you should have seen the person who had finished the course, he looked like he had won the Academy Award or some other very high honor. And the next person was announced, and the incredible acknowledgement went on.
After two weeks there, I went home on a Saturday. My voice hurt from the yelling, my hands were sore from the clapping, my feet were sore from the stomping. On the Monday after I got back home, I went to a local meeting in my town. I had the opportunity to relate my experiences in San Jose. This brought about the most startling changes in the people at the meeting, who suddenly started doing much better in life. When I was talking about the graduation, some people at the meeting started crying when they realized how they had been stopped and suppressed by people "on their side." The realization changed their lives.
[Editor: It's important to realize that much of the time people really stop and suppress themselves with a more or less unconscious and automatic reaction to what is said or done to them.]
I heard that many (30 or more) of those people jumped into immediate action after being stuck for months or years. It was the best I had ever felt in my life. I started attacking life, and embarked on the most incredible and productive phase I have ever had, attaining one thing after another, by naming, wanting and getting my products -- not being subtly suppressive to others and not allowing myself to be subtly suppressed. I've often told other people that I felt like someone had lit a Saturn V moon rocket under me and the flame never went out again.
Kingsley feels it's a progressive thing, that you can benefit from doing it [dedinging] over and over and over. And in time, people stop doing it to you, as you no longer do it to others.
[http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary:
Main Entry: ding
Pronunciation: 'di[ng]
Function: verb
Etymology: probably imitative
Date: 1582
transitive senses : to dwell on with tiresome repetition <keeps dinging it into him that the less he smokes the better -- Samuel Butler died 1902>
intransitive senses 1 : to make a ringing sound : CLANG
2 : to speak with tiresome reiteration
(A correspondent wrote me: "In Surfing, a "Ding" is an area of damage on the surfboard. Most boards are fiberglass (at least they were when I was surfing), and any bump can result in damage, from small cracks to larger holes. Therefore "Dedinging" would be repairing this damage."
Editor: I use the words "ding" and "dinging" in a wider sense, as reflected by the examples below.]
"Big Richard's" Areas of Subtle Suppression (Dinging):
[Editor's Areas of Subtle (and not so Subtle) Suppression (Dinging): It's interesting that when I started adding to the above list, I came up with an "explosion" of items:
The proof for me of the value of Kingsley's work is that every group it has been introduced to, became much more productive. Not in a small way, but in a very big way. So I'd like acknowledge Kingsley Wimbush for coming up with this, It really changed my life for the better.
The Gratitude Response
by Frederick Mann
"The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Ingratitude is the essence of vileness." -- Immanuel Kant
I acknowledge and thank Kingsley Wimbush for recognizing dinging and dedinging and sharing them with others. And I thank "Big Richard" for sending me his report.
Mark Lindsay: "Acknowledging and thanking could also trigger the "gratitude response" in you, which I've read is beneficial. So thanking and acknowledging could benefit both you and the other." I thank and acknowledge Mark Lindsay for bringing the gratitude response to my attention. Most of this section is based on information he provided.
The following points have been extracted from "Gratitude Makes You Healthier, Smarter" by NewsMax.com Wires; Wednesday, Jan. 10, 2001: NEW YORK (UPI) – There is one virtue on which the pious, the philosophers and even deniers of God seem to agree, and that's gratitude.
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice." -- Meister Eckhart
"When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them." -- Chinese Proverb
"Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel." -- Author Unknown
"Grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It's a way to live." -- Jackie Windspear
"You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink." -- G.K. Chesterton
"This is what binds all people and all creation together -- the gratuity of the gift of being." -- Matthew Fox
"An attitude of gratitude creates blessings." -- Sir John Marks Templeton
See "Kindling the Science of Gratitude".
Since beginning to work on this report, I've noticed in myself a greater positiveness and openness toward others.
[Mark Lindsay: The other night I caught part of an Elton John concert on PBS while eating dinner. He played his trademark song, "Your Song." A passage in the song was an expression of gratitude and acknowledgement:
And you can tell everybody this
is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world.]
Setting Yourself Up to Not be Dinged
by Frederick Mann
Whenever you attempt to "reach out" to another person, you take the risk of being rejected or dinged. If you send someone an email, you risk being dinged by the response. Whenever you post anything to an Internet mailing list or forum, you take the risk of getting dinged. If you ask a woman in a bar if you can buy her a drink, you risk being dinged. If you spend any time in the presence of a compulsive dinger, you greatly increase the chances that you'll be dinged. If you drive a car, you risk being dinged by inconsiderate, careless, or rude drivers. If you try to sell anything or market on the Internet, the chances are overwhelming that you'll be dinged. If you get some "bright idea" and tell your family and friends about it, chances are good that you'll be dinged. If you play any competitive game such as football, soccer, basketball, baseball, golf, hockey, tennis, cricket, chess, bridge, etc., you will certainly get dinged -- even if you're a Michael Jordan or a Tiger Woods. If you publish your writing, you take the risk of being dinged.
Whenever you ding anyone else, that person may respond with a "stronger" ding, i.e., return your ding with interest. By dinging others, you set yourself up to be dinged. Obviously, an important way to set yourself up to not be dinged is to stop dinging others. In general, it works much better to thank, acknowledge, praise, and validate others.
There may be situations where if you get dinged, the best strategy is to respond with a more powerful ding in order to "defeat" your opponent. You may even get a reputation that it's dangerous to ding you, because you always have a more powerful response. However, the general strategy of trying to "outding" others is dangerous, because it may lead to an escalating series of dings. It may even result in physical violence against yourself or your property. You can usually walk away from a ding.
If you allow dings to upset you -- more precisely, you upset yourself as a reaction to dings -- you set yourself up to being dinged. So, developing and improving your ability to choose positive responses to dings, reduces the chances of getting dinged. (Mark Lindsay: There is important information in #TL12: How to Achieve Emotional Control on this.") In general, it's a waste of time and effort to attempt to ding someone who always responds positively.
In general, you get dinged after "placing a piece of information" in the presence of another. You can choose both the "piece of information" and the person(s) in whose presence you "place" it. You can also observe the consequences of "placing pieces of information" and learn from them. So you can improve the quality of the "pieces of information." You can also learn to better select the person(s) in whose presence you "place" them. If you send a "stupid email" or post a "stupid message," you set yourself up to be dinged. If you use a clumsy or inappropriate way of approaching a stranger, you set yourself up to be dinged.
[Mark Lindsay: In his book 'Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom,' William Glasser suggests thinking of your relations with other people in terms of exchanging information.
In fact, there may be useful information in 'Choice Theory' regarding dinging and dedinging, particularly Glasser's "internal control psychology" (Choice Theory) vs. "external control psychology." (Editor: According to Glasser, the world is essentially ruled by three beliefs, the third of which includes: "It is right, it is even my moral obligation, to ridicule, threaten, or punish those who don't do what I tell them to do..." Abandoning external control psychology and adopting Choice Theory will go a long way toward eliminating dinging.)
Glasser's book 'The Language of Choice Theory' has many examples of how to rephrase what you say to others so you don't ding them. See also 'How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons' by Albert Ellis & Arthur Lange.]
The Dedinging Process
by Frederick Mann
From "Big Richard's" report it's clear that in any cooperative group or family it's extremely important for members to be highly supportive of one another. Individually, it's important to regularly spend some time dedinging yourself. You can identify any instances of dinging you've been subjected to and you can articulate them by writing them down or telling someone else about them. You can notice how you interpreted them, reacted to them, and how you felt afterward. You can come to realize that you created your reaction and how you felt. Fundamentally, your negative reactions to being dinged are a form of subtle self-sabotage. You can become more aware of how, in the past, you typically reacted to some forms of dinging. You can also become more aware of how you've been deliberately or unconsciously dinging others and how they reacted. You can stop dinging others. Whenever you feel "a little down," you can deding yourself. In particular, you can acknowledge and thank yourself for your achievements. It may also be worthwhile to arrange for regular dedinging sessions with a "buddy" or "twin."
A key understanding is that you have the ability to control yourself and how you respond to situations. You have the choice to allow yourself to feel worse after being dinged. You also have the choice to not be affected negatively by dinging -- though you may have to do some work to improve the ability to make this choice.
Mark Lindsay: "I personally overcame my automatic reaction of feeling bad or worse in such scenarios as a result of studying Gurdjieff and some aspects of cognitive psychology. The key for me was to learn how to not take such responses from others personally. (E.g., the other person may just be having a bad day and his/her response actually has nothing to do with you.) You adopt a more objective or impersonal perspective. (Note: "impersonal" here does not mean you become a "cold fish" in the way you behave; rather, it refers to your viewpoint or perspective.) I also observed how my own responses to others could vary based on my current emotional and physiological states. I reasoned that others do this as well and that I need not take their responses too personally."
Here are some exercises that may be worthwhile:
(a) Learning to Acknowledge, Thank, and Praise. Two people take turns acknowledging, thanking, and praising each other. One person says or does anything. The other acknowledges, thanks, and praises by saying, "Thank you!", clapping, whistling, shouting, stomping feet, etc. The more emphatic the acknowledgment, thanks, and praise, the better. A variation of the exercise would be to have a group take turns acknowledging, thanking, and praising what one of the members says or does. [Mark Lindsay: 'I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better,' by Gary & Joy Lundberg contains very important information on validation and dedinging. Chapter Six contains a list of effective validating phrases and questions.]
(b) Deliberate Dinging. Two people take turns deliberately dinging each other. The dinger starts with relatively innocuous dings and gradually "turns up the heat." The dingee simply acknowledges each ding with "thank you!", "great!", "good!", etc. It's OK also to smile happily in response to a ding. It's very important that the dinger starts of gently, and that "turning up the heat" is done very gradually. You don't want the dingee to be overwhelmed by vicious dings. It will also help if the dinger knows enough about the dingee to push the right buttons in order to get under the dingee's skin. The purpose of the exercise is for dingees to improve their ability to consciously choose positive responses to whatever dings they receive. If a dingee responds negatively -- e.g., gets sad, depressed, angry, etc. -- then the dinger continues with the same ding until the dinger responds positively. It may also be necessary to "turn down the heat" and retreat to less offensive dings and then later return to the one the dingee is having difficulty with. A variation of the exercise would be to have multiple dingers all dinging the same dingee. [See also 'How to Keep People from Pushing Your Buttons' by Albert Ellis & Arthur Lange.]
(c) Don't Get Dinged. The purpose of this exercise is to improve the ability to "reach out" to people in ways that reduce the risk that you'll be dinged. One (first) person "reaches out" to another by saying or doing something. The other (second) person responds in one of two ways: (i) An appropriate ding; (ii) Suggestions for improving the method of "reaching out." The only objective of the second person is to assist the first person to improve his or her ability to "reach out." A variation of the exercise would be to have one first person and multiple "second persons."
(d) Verbal Self-Defense. Suzette Haden Elgin has written many books on linguistics, including 'The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense.' Study this book and do its exercises. Learn to respond to verbal attacks without dinging your attacker.
(e) Mark Lindsay: Identify and Stop Self-Dinging. For example, you say to yourself or to another person: "I never win at tennis." Richard Wetherill's 'Dictionary of Typical Command Phrases' is an encyclopedia of things people say to and about themselves that constitute self-dinging. Some self-dinging can come in the form of "automatic thoughts." See #TL12: How to Achieve Emotional Control and Aaron T. Beck's 'Cognitive Theory and the Emotional Disorders.' Editor: Make a special effort to observe what you think and say to yourself. Make a list of anything that might constitute self-dinging. You could even keep a journal.
(f) Reprogram Yourself with Self-Talk. Get the books 'What to Say When You Talk to Your Self,' The Self-Talk Solution,' and 'Choices' by Shad Helmstetter. Study and apply them.
(g) If you have suggestions to improve the above exercises or for additional exercises, please send them to me.
Dinging and Bicameral Stage 2
by Frederick Mann
See 'The Bicameral Model of the Mind'. In their evolutionary progress, many humans are in what I call "bicameral stage 2" in respect of some of their thinking, emoting, and behaving. I call this "proto-consciousness," characterized by:
Automatic feelings and thoughts tell you what to do. You behave like:
(a) A true believer (sometimes a fanatic fighter for a "great cause"); or
(b) A helpless wimp (languishing in apathy, sometimes complaining); or
(c) A self-righteous preacher (making self "right" and others "wrong"); or
(d) A macho rebel (compulsively fighting "the system," "the IRS," "the government").
Being "right" is paramount.
Making others "wrong" is a central aspect of bicameral stage 2. So dinging is quintessential bicameral-stage-2 behavior. The more or less automatic and unconscious reaction of feeling bad or upset after being dinged is also quintessential bicameral-stage-2 behavior. At this time, dinging is a central aspect of most, possibly all human cultures. Young humans tend to engage in a great deal of dinging, sometimes viciously so. My father was a compulsive dinger. For every good thing he said about anyone or anything, he probably said ten or more bad things. He was also a compulsive dingee with a violent temper. He seemed to live in a world full of dingers determined to ding him at every opportunity. If you work at a job, chances are that you get dinged at least once a day. If you have to deal with bureaucrats (both in government and large corporations), you may experience being dinged. You might even get frustrated -- i.e., make yourself feel frustrated!
A great deal of dinging can occur on Internet mailing lists and forums. Suppose you're a subscriber of "List X." You consider most of the other subscribers to be educated and intelligent. Some of the long-time subscribers form a kind of "insider clan" or "in-group." You're not part of the in-group. You post something you think important and of interest to the list. Your post is ignored or ridiculed. Some members of the in-group seem to take turns to come up with "clever" ways to ding you. For example, you could post a message about this report. The only responses you get are snide or sarcastic comments, while the essence of your post is ignored. The list may have a "dinging culture" with a significant portion of the posts including some dinging -- or a great deal of dinging.
On the back cover of 'Metaphors We Live By' by George Lakoff and Mark Johnson: Take the conceptual metaphor ARGUMENT IS WAR. We say: "He attacked every weak point in my argument:; "Your claims are indefensible"; "I demolished his argument." But as the authors write, "It is important that to see that we don't just talk about arguments in terms of war. We can actually win or lose arguments. We see the person we are arguing with as an opponent. We attack his positions and we defend our own... It is in this sense that the ARGUMENT IS WAR metaphor is one we live by in this culture; it structures the actions we perform in arguing."
I expect that by becoming more aware of the dinging phenomenon, and repeatedly dedinging yourself, you can take major steps toward transcending bicameral stage 2. I also expect that by advancing to a more conscious stage, you can become considerably more productive -- see 'The Bicameral Model of the Mind':
(a) You have largely mastered your feelings and emotions.
(b) You have the ability to critically examine every concept, every thought, every action.
(c) You strive to increase your competence in every aspect of your life.
(d) You carefully observe the results you produce, using that as feedback to improve your concepts, thoughts, communications, and actions.
(e) Producing results is paramount.
You can "Name" your "products" (what you wish to produce or achieve). You can really "Want" your products and do the necessary preparation to produce them. And you "Get" your products. Like "Big Richard," you can feel "like someone had lit a Saturn V moon rocket under me and the flame never went out again!"
Imagine your family members dedinging themselves regularly and gradually, rather than ding one another, acknowledge, thank, and praise one another. Imagine the same happening with your co-workers. Imagine societies in which dinging has been greatly reduced. It might be a good idea for you to share the dinging phenomenon and dedinging process with as many people as you can!
Dinging and Dedinging may just be a major breakthrough with the potential to change the world!
In 'The Language Imperative,' Suzette Haden Eglin convincingly makes the case that metaphors can be powerful instruments to change people's ideas, attitudes, and behaviors. (See also 'Metaphors We Live By' by George Lakoff and Mark Johnson.) My expectation is that the metaphor "DINGING IS LIKE A VERBAL SLAP IN THE FACE! -- SOMETIMES BY AN INVISIBLE HAND!" will help spread the dinging message and persuade people to stop dinging others and themselves.
If you've received dinging and dedinging training from Kingsley Wimbush, I would love to hear of your experiences and your suggestions to improve this report. I'm particularly interested in details of the exercises In Kingsley's training. I'm also interested in suggestions from ANYONE on how to improve this report and spread the message faster! If you have any success applying this information, please let me know.
Language and Personal Power
by Frederick Mann
In her book 'Success with The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense,' Suzette Haden Elgin makes a distinction between "phony power" and "real power." Phony power depends on things from outside yourself: weapons, titles, money, or the influence of a "protector" -- "external sources at the mercy of unpredictable circumstances."
She defines real power as "the ability to get people to do what you want because they prefer to do what you want." She claims that, "LANGUAGE IS THE ONLY SOURCE OF REAL POWER." 'Success with The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense' provides a great deal of information on how to deal with verbal attacks and much more.
Logical fallacies can also be used in verbal attacks as a form of dinging. The most common is "Ad Hominem" -- attack the person rather than the argument. "Straw Man" is also very common -- distort an opponent's position and then attack the distortion, pretending it's the opponent's position. "Red Herring" is another common fallacy -- introduce a statement irrelevant to the argument as a distraction. How to deal with these forms of dinging will be covered in #TL12B: DINGING WITH FALLACIES AND OTHER "NASTIES". An extensive list of logical fallacies with explanations will be included in #TL03A: FALLACIES AND THINKING ERRORS.
Dr. Elgin -- in 'The Language Imperative' -- has convinced me of the power and importance of metaphors. There's more information on metaphors in 'Success with The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense.' See also 'Metaphors We Live By' by George Lakoff and Mark Johnson. I believe that we can increase our personal power considerably through the imaginative use of metaphors.
Marketing and Dinging
by Frederick Mann
Because many of my contacts are involved with marketing on the Internet, it may be worth exploring the effects dinging might have on your marketing ability. If you're trying to sell anything, particularly on the Internet, you're likely to run into a great deal of rejection and dinging. I highly recommend the book 'NewSell' by Dr. Michael Hewitt-Gleeson -- see http://www.sot.com.au. In "NewSell," you don't focus on "closing the sale" -- the decision to buy occurs in the mind of the prospect -- you don't control the prospect's mind. Instead, you focus on what you can do to contact as many prospects as possible and provide them with information on your products and/or services. You focus on yourself and your own actions -- where you have maximum control. You can improve your self-control as well as the quantity and quality of your sales-related actions.
Let's consider using BigBooster7Million as a marketing tool. Your "product" would be "people joining BB7M as a result of your marketing actions" ("Name"). You need to really "Want" this product. Part of wanting the product is to learn whatever you need to in order to successfully "Get" your product. The great value of the product is that it represents a steadily growing "downline" or "community" you can market other things to. It's much easier to market to people who have some form of connection and relationship with you, compared to marketing to complete strangers. You can also use BB7M to market repeatedly to your "downline" or "community." BB7M also provides you with the means to contact the first two levels of your "downline" and assist them to learn how to market successfully.
As of this writing, probably about 99% of BB7M members have made no attempt to produce the product of "people joining BB7M as a result of your marketing actions" -- or they made some marketing effort, experienced the lack of response as dinging, felt bad, stopped "Wanting" the product and gave up.
The biggest difference between a successful salesperson and an unsuccessful one is probably how they deal with rejection and dinging. If successful salespeople feel bad or discouraged because of rejection and dinging, they recover quickly. They continue to "Want" their product. They may learn more about marketing to improve their methods and techniques. They might find something better to sell. They persist until they "Get" their product.
Unsuccessful salespeople, on the other hand, allow themselves to be discouraged and depressed (they really do this to themselves), to the point that they no longer "Want" the product, and they become inactive. The rejection and dinging has a debilitating and paralyzing effect on them.
At the time of this writing, BB7M has about 73,000 members. Suppose they are all presented with this report. Suppose 99% of them reject it out of hand and don't even bother to study it. Suppose 1% of them do study it, start dedinging themselves, and spread the message. That's about 730 people dedinging themselves and telling their family, friends, and contacts about dinging and dedinging. Suppose only about 10% of the 730 people became much more successful and very enthusiastic about dinging and dedinging -- that's 73 people. This would be a great success for me!
That I failed with 99.9% -- 999 out of every 1,000 people I presented this report to -- a great degree of rejection! -- wouldn't bother me in the least!
The following article may help improve the quality and effectiveness of you marketing actions.
================= SUCCESS STRATEGY #5 ================== A Real 'Secret' Of Success: Self-Sabotage Awareness
by Dale Armin MillerHere's something that will thrust you a whole lot nearer your goals than submitting to 12 million links pages, classified sites, and search engines.
Example It says this immediately before Arsenal!'s Affiliate application (in bold type):
"Automated notices of your sales and your new Affiliates will be sent to the email address you enter; if it is incorrect or an autoresponder, your account will be terminated."
So, a portion of Affiliates enter an autoresponder address.
And at least a few percent of Affiliates -- and Members -- enter an incorrect email address. (In case you're thinking, "Well, email addresses can be hard," the 'mail' part of 'hotmail.com' is frequently misspelled.)
A new Affiliate recently wrote to ask if I would review the Arsenal! link she put on her webpage to see if it broke any rules ... and if I could make any suggestions about what might maximize her sales.
The last thing I suggested is that the Arsenal! link actually lead somewhere.
Which is easier: Clicking on a link ... or opening your email program and composing a message to me?
A hard thing to do, a typo in a link? Of course not.
But which is better: Losing sales ... or just clicking on a link, or testing the URL in an ad, to see if it works?
The Hidden Power Am I suggesting that you be perfect?
Not at all. (Even if I knew what that meant, I don't think anyone can do it. I know that I don't limit myself just to simple typos -- I can identify at least three varieties of dyslexia when I type.)
It might seem I am talking about bad work habits since, well, I am.
But what I am trying to get at is what's lurking BEHIND those, and a thousand other, 'bad work habits.'
I could be eating a pizza and watching a video right now. But I'm not. I'm writing this.
Is that because I love writing? Because I hate myself? Because I was trained with good work habits?
No. It's simply because I've been rich and I've been poor, and I prefer being rich.
But there's a cost. For example, right now I am not eating a pizza (which I like a lot) nor watching a video (which I would find a whole lot more interesting than staring at my blank word processor!).
I just finished reading 'Trading Tactics of The Pros.'
Don't worry: This *is* about you (and not about trading).
There's a couple dozen pages by a man who was a floor trader for 30 years, owner of his own brokerage firm, and Chairman of The Chicago Board of Trade.
The Chicago Board of Trade is to commodity futures what the smaller New York Stock Exchange is to corporate stocks. (I'm afraid you may not take my word for this, so I'm hoping you'll take his.)
He writes about the fear of success:
"This fear is related to entitlement -- which is our internal system for what we feel we deserve .... This accounts for the surprising fear you may have felt in the past when achieving personal goals that carry a large reward -- either job achieve- ment, a large promotion affording a wealthier lifestyle, or the accomplishment of actually taking off 50 pounds .... a trader [entrepreneur] is only going to 'allow' himself as much money as he feels he is entitled to
-- REGARDLESS OF HIS CONSCIOUS INTENTIONS." I am not suggesting that you be perfect.
If I could tell you how, I might suggest you overcome your unconscious fear of success. What I am suggesting is that you become CONSCIOUS of where you -- Yes, even you! -- tend to sabotage yourself, of where your unconscious fear of success tends to express itself.
Because most of the POWER of your unconscious fear of success depends on it being hidden, unconscious.
Notice So I suggest you notice where you tend to sabotage yourself:
Is it entering email addresses incorrectly? Not even testing links? Procrastinating about implementing your plans? Procrastinating about even making any plans? Eating pizza and watching videos when you should be writing an article? NOT eating pizza and watching videos when you are just too tired to adjust that nuclear reactor? Driving when you're drunk? Actually marrying that woman all my friends warned me about -- oops!, I mean "your friends warned you about?"
Becoming conscious of how you tend to sabotage yourself does not in itself overcome your unconscious fear of success.
(Although it may become less a source of tragedy and more a source of humor.)
But being aware does allow you to notice when and where you tend to sabotage yourself. And it allows you opportunities to STOP.
In my experience, stopping self-sabotage takes you a very long way toward success, toward getting what you want!
And "stopping" is no more complicated than copying 'n' pasting your email address (if that is a way your unconscious fear of success tends to express itself). Or sticking to a well-thought-out schedule of daily activities (if procrastination is a problem). Or setting firm goals (if misdirection is a problem). Or heeding your friends' advice about mate candidates (if ignoring that advice usually results in your unhappiness). And so on.
Where do you tend to sabotage yourself?
Taking safeguards against just one self-defeating habit will bring you a whole lot closer to your goals than submitting to 12 million links pages, classified sites, and search engines.
Dale Armin Miller
[From the ebook "Real 'Secrets' Of Success" at the Internet Marketing Success Arsenal!(sm) www.SuccessArsenal.com/wow/reprt3667a
Feel free to pass this along or post it anywhere -- as long as it is the entire strategy, including this bracketed comment.]
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