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In the distance is the city: a tall, beautiful, magnificent symbol of man's achievement and prosperity. That symbol makes the dichotomy of this land all the more painful. But this has been my home for the past three years. And, deep down, I detest myself and all that I represent. Disgust wells inside me as I think of this place and my failed attempts to rationalize my pathetic existence. Occasionally, in moments of honesty, I stop the rationalizing and grimly accept my fate, knowing that I deserve no better. In recognizing these rare moments of honesty, I find my mood becomes more positive. I almost mistake the mood for happiness. It isn't. I struggle to define the feeling for a few seconds and then stop, fearing that analysis may eliminate it. But the feeling stays, alien yet welcome. Welcome because it helps me face my last few minutes of life.
Death. An obsolete state in today's world. And yet today, the 3rd of November 2003, I will die a hideous and barbaric death. I will be sacrificed, murdered. But strangely, through the actions of my life, I have given my consent to this grotesque act. Again, the cold shock of reality hits me. My mind for once is free of mysticism and dishonesty. How ironic that I have allowed myself to evade honesty for so long, only yielding to it at the end of my miserable existence. My mood becomes reflective as I begin to wonder how I could have prevented this self-loathing and desperate end.
For as long as I can remember, I have succumbed to camouflaged laziness -- to wangling values from others rather than earning values. Never have I put forth the effort to create anything of genuine value. Indeed, it is this self-chosen flaw that has sealed my fate, just as that same flaw has sealed the fate of thousands like me around the world. Decades ago, after cheating my way through a prestigious, Ivy-League university, I decided on a career in law and politics. I had no grand plan to improve the world. But I knew the power of politics would be to my advantage. I could use that power to outmaneuver my peers and competitors. For, most blindly believed, at least initially, that politics was benevolent and designed for the good of the people. They rationalized against seeing the big lie. I, without such quixotic limitations, easily used politics to capture a prosperous and prestigious living from the efforts of others. I fostered the big lie to usurp values from productive people. Indeed, my skills of deception and manipulation became highly refined. I made honest value producers feel guilty for any "selfish" gain or accomplishment. It was easy. My technique was simply to blame them for the endless sufferings and injustices we politicians ourselves cause. ...The value producers paid for our pillagings -- those suckers paid us to drain them dry.
Within a short time, I was rich, famous, powerful. My life was easy, and my potential for further success seemed endless. I was single-handedly capable of developing laws and getting them passed. I could control almost anyone or anything...and look like a saint while doing it. I was responsible for legislation that greatly empowered the Drug Enforcement Administration and its armed enforcers. That DEA bureaucracy had no motivation to reduce any drug problem; for, it had no desire to reduce its jobs or power. It didn't matter to us that innocent lives were lost or destroyed through our trampling on individual rights and property rights. We pushed to spend billions upon billions of tax dollars on projects that I knew would never work. But, so what. Through the media, I always looked good to the masses. Indeed, my "War on Drugs" created some of my richest years.
And my soul mates at the IRS? I helped create and expand their armed divisions. I cleared the way for them to rule through fear and destruction. I loved increasing their power. I loved the viciousness of their commissioner. I loved their lawlessness and criminality. We were soul mates. For, through them my power grew.
We politicians and our bureaucrats created a bond of malevolence with Newsweek-type journalists. That unified dishonesty let us smear, control, and ruin America's greatest value producers -- innocent people like Michael Milken and Leona Helmsley. We giulianied them. ...We almost took over America with me riding high.
Next came the environmental movement. With dishonest journalists and bankrupt professors, we exploited every phony notion conjured up by pseudo environmentalists. Their hate-filled, save-the-earth movement offered a bonanza of opportunities to increase my power. Political correctness became my favorite weapon. We passed regulations controlling or influencing essentially every business. And, because of my power within Congress, almost every special-interest group courted me. I seldom paid for anything. The gifts and privileges were endless. It didn't bother me that the cost of everyday goods, automobiles, and housing increased substantially because of the regulations I created. In essence, I said to hell with the masses. If they have to suffer or pay a higher price, so be it. For, I was gunning for power -- the presidency and beyond.
I further increased my power by exploiting the ego-seeking demagoguery of the anti-abortion gangs as well as the Ralph-Nader gangs. Feminists? Gays? Yahoo! With that power, I passed more and more laws telling people what they could and could not do. ...And they did what I told them because my laws were backed by guns and jails. At times, even I could not believe the power I had -- the extent to which people could be controlled and manipulated.
The power. I loved the power. It was as if people would fall to their knees before me -- I could do no wrong. And the women, they were everywhere. Most were prostitutes, but I never paid for any of them. Sex. Orgy sex, kinky sex, sex of any kind was the order of the day. Gradually, my wife, with the help of alcohol, learned to accept this, not that her feelings or health mattered to me. I came to believe that I was above everyone. It began to seem that such favors and advantages were owed to me. I answered to no one. Indeed, I quickly learned to live with myself; or should I say, to suppress any twinge of self-respect and honesty. For, with the money and power, it was easy to keep going, to keep taking more and more money, more and more power, more and more of everything. My lust for power constantly grew. I could never get enough.
But then it all crumbled with the Prosperity Revolution of the late 90s. That's what caused my downfall. I remember what seemed like the starting point -- our destruction of people like Milken and Helmsley. Our atrocities began backfiring when we sadistically flaunted our power on that April-15th tax day. Using subjective laws, ego "justice", dishonest journalists, and a vicious IRS, we snuffed out the unpopular but innocent Helmsleys.
Soon after, we saw our own end coming with the 1994 American elections. Value-producing men and women all over the world began angrily realizing how they were being duped and exploited. ...Our final ploy was the Clinton pirouette of 1996.
Finally, with Neo-Tech echoing around the world through cyberspace, the value producers took control of their own lives, ending the stupidity of their blind obedience to me and all other false authorities. Almost overnight, politicians like me were scorned out of existence: first in Eastern Europe, then in Asia and Africa. In America, it started in those 1994 elections. Then, the whole world woke up to the hoax. Self-sufficient, value-producing men and women suddenly realized they didn't need self-serving politicians giving them inflation, poor economies, and wars. People realized they could control and direct all areas of their lives without a parasitical ruling class. Charismatic political leaders such as myself were finished when the public started scorning us -- then started laughing at us. For us, the bottom line to our final campaign was fear -- shear terror and panic over losing our livelihoods, our social standing, our power.
Very quickly, once-powerful politicians were ostracized from society. We were no longer able to plunder the values produced by others. And for society, everything began to improve. There were a few initial and minor problems caused by the change, but advancement was rapid. Indeed, genuine free enterprise was the order of the day, not the insidious "free-trade" mercantilism that I, Bush, Clinton, Newt, Dole, and others touted throughout the world. A torrent of jobs were created. The standard of living soared. Poverty and racism disappeared. Third-world wars and starvation ended.
Before being overthrown, my cohorts and I used constant tax increases to force everyone's earnings into our power-boosting schemes. After we were overthrown, people invested their extra earnings into business and technology. ...Trade and science flourished. Unemployment fell to nearly zero. Only the professional social schemers were unemployed. Street crime vanished.
The technological advancements came quickly. Cures for AIDS and cancer came in a matter of months. Soon, one goal captured the focus of the world: Non-aging longevity. The religious and political objections were increasingly being scorned by the once submissive masses. The masses of productive people now demanded wealth, happiness, love, and life itself.
For me, I sat on the sidelines, increasingly feeling pity and hatred for myself. I had known the truth about politics and religion. Yet, I pushed my dishonesties onto the unthinking public. I knew I deserved the fate that awaited me -- it was deserved because of the untold lives I had ruined by promoting and enforcing my destructive political policies. ...The loss of prosperity, happiness, love, and life itself caused by my actions was too great to count or imagine. If only I had assumed the responsibility to be honest and to produce values. Had I done this, I could right now be living in that prosperous other world. All the pain and fear I now suffer was avoidable had I been honest. In fact, if I and the others here had only exerted the effort to be honest in taking the responsibility to create values and pay restitution for our crimes, we all could have moved into that sunlit world of prosperity, happiness, and beauty. But now, it is too late for me. Starting over is impossible. Once, in desperation, I even offered myself to a zoo as an extinct humanoid. I thought scientists could study me as a relic of evil. But alas, the wide-scope accounting records of Neo-Tech showed I belonged here.
So that is why I am here -- in this nightmare of a camp. I was ostracized like the rest -- scorned out of society, laughed out of existence, unwilling to participate in any activity with the producers of the world, unwilling to produce or trade any desirable value.
In the beginning, we had food and supplies, mostly brought by the later arrivals. But eventually those supplies ran out, as did the animals shortly afterward. It was at this point that our very existence became threatened. Survival became the goal. We could no longer steal from the producers. They were now too smart, too organized. Computerized ostracism made hiding or even a nomadic life impossible. Ironically, the only choice we had was to live as before -- to live off other people, to live by sacrificing the lives of others to us. So, we took the concept of sacrifice to its logical but horrific conclusion:
Some would have to sacrifice their lives so the rest could survive. That is why I am in this position today. My lot came up. I would now be sacrificed to the remaining few. Death, a fair and just outcome for all that has gone before me. It is with this perverse feeling of justice and inevitability that I console myself while I think of the manner of my death: clubs raining down on my weak, undernourished body, wielded by those remaining few. I imagine their emotions as they rip my limbs apart. They will be content with their meal, their hunger temporarily averted; each will be glad it's not him this time, but each knowing that soon, very soon, it will be. Fear will be the only companion until the bitter end. ...None can escape.
Suddenly, my introspection is broken by the sound of voices. I see my peers clambering over the rubble, weapons in hand, their ragged clothes and starving bodies almost comical, contrasting strikingly to the power and strength of the city visible on the horizon. Although I have accepted this ghastly end, I feel a fleeting desire to run, to escape before they get too close. But where? What is the point? My death is certain whatever I do.
I am aware that I am smiling as they face me. A matter of feet separate us, death seconds away. No words are spoken, but the sound of fear is deafening. My fear. And theirs.
I see the first club being raised high into the air by my own son. My life flashes before me. ...Oh, the millions who suffered just to keep me feeling important! I craved the ultimate -- the goal of every politician -- the power to rule the world. I craved the unearned power to control everyone in every way. For that power, I'd gladly surpass Hitler in destruction. Yes, I'd gladly nuke the world just to have that power. For, I'm not human. I'm a politician. I'm a humanoid.
I feel the first blow. I fall with my diary. I scrawl my last note: Honesty terminated me.
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