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The difference between serious and casual sex is not always obvious on the surface. But the difference always appears at the base of every relationship. While the actual sexual activity of serious sex can and often does have interludes of lightness and fun, the meaning behind every act is serious and important. But sex on a nonserious, unimportant, or casual basis done only for "fun" is a diminishing experience that erodes self-esteem and sexual competence. On the other hand, a serious sexual affair will always produce growth and values so long as the relationship is based on mutual values, honesty, and respect. In a value-based sexual relationship, psychuous pleasures are linked to a mutual reflection of each partner's personal values and worth.
Unlike casual sexual relationships, serious relationships have no bounds or limits to personal values that can be exchanged. The value of a serious romantic relationship can grow so great that you would give, if necessary, all of your possessions, even your own life, to protect your romantic-love partner.
You almost never can benefit from a multi-partner relationship, not only because of the painful, emotional conflicts but because of the time and effort inherently required to develop a valuable, romantic-love relationship with just one partner. Furthermore, the amount of time required to develop valuable multi-partner relationships could deprive you of the time needed to fully develop crucial areas of life such as your rewarding career.
The biggest negative of multi-partner relationships evolves from the nature of psychuous sex: Romantic love works best when structured around long-term, monogamous relationships. Why? Because continuous efforts and experiences with an exclusive partner deliver the most intimacy, growth, and values. Thus, the most erotically exciting and sexually satisfying experiences by nature evolve from long-term, monogamous/psychuous relations.
Casual, nonintimate, or fun-only sex does not always start from a neurotic base. Casual sex may begin as an immature sexual view during adolescence. Or casual sex may begin as a notion to experiment with "new" sex in order to broaden one's sexual experiences or to diminish sexual inhibitions and taboos. Indeed, casual sex, swinging sex, orgy sex may accomplish those ends. But, the eventual cost of casual sex, fun-only, or exploitive sex to your self-esteem is high. You experience such sex only with grave consequences to your self-esteem, sexuality, and happiness. By contrast, you experience a limitless broadening of erotic sexual experiences with enhanced self-esteem through psychuous sex within a growing relationship.
Human beings are always capable of correcting errors. The harm caused by past, casual-sexual experiences can be reversed by restructuring sexual standards around the consistent, value-oriented foundation of psychuous sex.
A value-oriented, romantic relationship offers limitless pleasures ranging from joy and spontaneous fun to erotic thrills, adventure, psychuous pleasures, and profound happiness. Equally important, such romantic relationships can greatly enhance each partner's productivity, values, and prosperity.
Psychuous pleasures can always grow, even during crisis or turmoil. Psychuous sex lets you physically confirm the value of your life, especially during difficult or crisis periods. Psychuous sex allows you to be acutely aware of your worth, pleasures, and happiness. But psychuous pleasures go far beyond sexual intercourse. In fact, sexual intercourse itself plays only a small (but crucial) role in psychuous pleasure, which is integrated with all aspects of conscious life.
Romantic love and psychuous pleasures add so much to human happiness that to settle for something as unchallenging and limited as casual, fun-only sex is to treat yourself poorly indeed. Limiting the potential for pleasure to such a narrow, shallow range of experiences undermines your entire life.
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