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The next morning he ran to his spot, sat down on the big flat rock, and asked about sex. The wind blew and carried a gentle voice...but it was a woman's soft voice that answered:
Do not be afraid. I will tell you all about sex and love. So sit peacefully, my child, and hear my many stories.
Three basic views of sex and love exist: 1. The religious-procreative view. 2. The recreational-fun-noncommitted "Playboy" view. 3. The Neotech view.
The guilt generated by the religious view of sex makes romantic love impossible. An even more devastating loss evolves from performance anxieties caused by the "Playboy" view coupled with the demands to be a sexy person by someone else's standards.
The diminished self-esteem caused by the fun-only "Playboy" view creates anxiety and boredom to steadily diminish sexual pleasures and capacities. That process, if allowed to continue, ends in impotence or frigidity. Much of the impotence in men today is linked to self-esteem problems. Many insecure men who depend on a macho act for pseudo self-esteem collapse into impotence when confronted with healthy, confident, sexually liberated women who see through their act as laughable, immature, childish.
Only the third view, the Neotech view, equates with human nature.
Sensuous relates to the five physical senses -- touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste. Sensuous is associated with the pleasurable gratification of one or more of those physical senses. Neotech expands the meaning of sensuous to capture the essence of pleasure by including and integrating the most potent dimension: the pleasurable gratification of the human mind. That gratification includes the harmonious agreement of your love life with your psychological well-being. ...The word for that expanded meaning of sensuous is psychuous.
Your conscious mind is the ultimate organ for experiencing pleasures, including sexual pleasures. Your mind integrates all pleasures with all that you are, do, and think. Your mind is the organism that offers unlimited pleasure and happiness. Add the exciting pleasure of your body, and you discover a spectacular experience called Psychuous Sex.
In Neotech, the meaning of sex includes intercourse as a series of highlights along a vast range of sexually rooted experiences and emotions. Indeed, the meaning of sex in Neotech encompasses all sexual influences -- often hidden but powerful -- that weave through your life.
Psychuous sex is an intense mind-body experience. Yet, psychuous sex does not always produce intense physical reactions. That would be too exhausting, too demanding, and eventually boring. Psychuous-sex intensity is measured by emotional depth and expression...not by overt physical reactions.
Sensuous behavior can increase psychuous pleasures. But since psychuous pleasures involve the whole person in both sexual and nonsexual experiences, those pleasures are not dependent on sensuous behavior. You can and should, however, assertively increase your sexual attractiveness. But do not reduce your natural sex appeal by faking sensuousness.
Especially important: dump ideas of sacrifice and altruism. That dumping of irrationality allows you to guiltlessly experience psychuous pleasures. Indeed, your capacity for psychuous sex, the most intense human pleasure, always arises from the same base -- from dealing honestly with reality. ...Now, let us look more closely at how to launch the ultimate mind-body experience.
My father stood up as if to speak. But he just stood there like a shy boy, dwarfed by the mountain and embarrassed to speak. The gentle female voice continued.
Most of your pleasures and happiness are experienced through emotions. And the final moral purpose of all human life is rational happiness. Moreover, negative emotions are reliable warning signals that you are acting irrationally or contrary to your nature, well-being, and happiness.
Emotions deliver your ultimate rewards and penalties. Such emotions depend on the life you choose to create and live. Your emotional content will be either happy or unhappy, depending on the extent which you reject or accept irrationality, which I often call mysticism. Mysticism steadily destroys the happy emotional self, destroys the pleasurable gratification of the mind, and destroys psychuous sex. Rejecting mysticism means accepting sole responsibility for understanding and dealing honestly with reality.
"Excuse me," my father said. "I don't mean to interrupt. In fact, I am fascinated by this new Psychuous Sex breakthrough. But, before you go on, I have to stop you and ask you to explain what you mean when you say to reject mysticism."
Mysticism is defined as any attempt to use the mind to create reality rather than to identify and integrate reality. Mysticism is a disease -- an epistemological disease that progressively undermines one's capacity to think, to identify reality, to live competently. Mysticism is also a collective disease that affects everyone who looks toward others, or the group, or the leaders for solutions to his or her own problems and responsibilities. The symptom of mysticism is jumbled or nonintegrated thinking -- leading to mind-created "realities". The mind is a reality integrating organ, not a reality creating device.
Mysticism is a disease of the mind that blocks integrated thinking and brings stupidities through mind-created "realities". But mysticism is also the tool that neocheaters use to justify or rationalize the use of force, fraud, or dishonesty to usurp values from the producers. For example, mind-created "realities" are used to create false standards and guilt designed to beguile you into surrendering your earned values, power, and happiness.
Mysticism is the only disease of the conscious mind. But as with drugs and alcohol, mysticism is seductively comfortable, like a warm, old friend -- until the destructive consequences and hangovers manifest themselves.
Mysticism is based on a false and destructive idea: the primacy of emotions over reality. Mysticism is the opposite of Neotech. The mind-created "realities" of mysticism eventually render all life unto death. ...You must resist, must fight mysticism both from within and from without. Those who surrender -- quit resisting, quit fighting -- allow mysticism to take over their lives. When that happens, they become a part of the unhappy, dishonest world.
"OK, I understand now. Neotech means integrating reality -- as fully and as honestly as you are able. Mysticism, by contrast, means NOT integrating reality, but rather creating 'reality' in your mind, often through emotional whims. Neotech and mysticism are opposites." My father now was more than satisfied, in fact, he had in that instance just seen deeper into human life than in his entire four decades. My father knew he had learned something powerful and profound by understanding mysticism, its mind-created "realities", and its potential to control others through, for instance, the media that often creates "realities" far different than reality. But before asking more about mysticism and its influence, he decided to stay on the topic of love today. As if the mountain could read his mind, just as my father started to ask another question about psychuous sex, the mountain continued, on the subject:
You must reject mysticism to effectively perceive and integrate reality -- to effectively solve problems of growth and develop the competence needed to earn prosperity, power, and love. That, in turn, delivers the self-esteem and emotional content needed to experience abiding well-being, psychuous pleasures, and romantic love. ...You control your wide-range emotions of being fundamentally happy or unhappy through your constant, volitional choice to be honest or dishonest -- to act through honest thinking or through mystical thinking.
Emotions are a real part of you and, therefore, are a part of reality. To know and deal with undistorted reality, you must first know yourself, which includes knowing your own emotions. You must learn to be aware of feelings in order to prevent destructive emotional reactions. You must also know your own emotions in order to effectively share them in a love relationship. For, the pleasure and happiness of a romantic-love relationship is measured by emotional closeness.
"Now I'm a little confused," my father responded. "Emotions are good and the way to feel happiness, romantic love, and psychuous pleasures. Yet, I thought emotions can also sometimes be bad. In fact, I thought emotions sometimes caused negative mystical reactions."
Emotions are not subject to condemnation, guilt, or right or wrong judgments...only actions are right or wrong. Next to the mystical concept of original sin, perhaps the most pervasively damaging, unjust concept projected by the Christian ethic is the moral judgment of emotions. Especially malevolent and harmful are the condemnations of emotions such as found in the Sermon on the Mount: "But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." By condemning human emotions, Christian neocheaters discovered an effective tool to condemn everyone...to make everyone guilty, keeping them more controllable for usurping power and values. Since everyone by nature possesses a full range of automatic feelings or emotions that cannot be directly controlled, shut off or stopped, nearly everyone is victimized by Christian-style "sin" and "guilt".
While you innocently experience negative, irrational emotions, you never have to act on such emotions. And since only human actions are subject to choice, only human actions, not emotions, are subject to moral judgment.
Personal emotions possess an untouchable ownership and privacy. Emotions are subject neither to criticism nor judgment. Only actions can be criticized or judged as right or wrong. Feelings and emotions can have a rational or irrational basis, but they are never "right" or "wrong". Emotions are spontaneous, automatic reactions that are not in the immediate or direct control of a person. No one ever needs to feel guilty about any emotion. Again, a person is responsible only for the actions he or she takes.
Many innocent people repress emotions because of false guilt. In doing so, they never can know themselves. To fully experience pleasure and happiness, you must develop an integrated awareness of your emotions along with a mystic-free, guiltless acceptance of those emotions. Then you must reject mystical guilt to fully experience your earned emotions of happiness, pleasure, love. Happiness, pleasure, and love can be experienced only through emotions. To the extent that you repress emotions is the extent that you deny earned pleasures and happiness. You must experience emotions in order to psychologically live. If you continually diminish self-awareness or repress emotions, you will steadily lessen your capacity to feel emotions, love, and happiness.
Fear of being hurt or rejected prevents the development of many romantic-love relationships. That fear keeps you defensive which, in turn, prevents emotional openness with your partner. And that openness is necessary for developing romantic love and psychuous pleasures.
The achievement of romantic love involves a willingness to take risks. Moreover, the fear of being hurt by being open is unfounded. To the contrary, you are always hurt by faking or concealing emotions from yourself or a loved one. Denial of feelings traps you into emotionally repressive situations that diminish the potential for love and happiness. Being emotionally honest and open is the safest, happiest way to live.
"Being honest with myself and not concealing my feelings from myself, I must ask you this as a single, divorced man: enjoying multiple sexual affairs is OK, isn't it?" After about ten minutes, the breeze started again, carrying the sweet words of a woman:
Psychuous sex is always linked to values...to an exchange of rational values between partners. A continuous exchange of values that enhances personal worth and psychological visibility is the basis of psychuous pleasures and romantic-love. But, sex without serious values, i.e., casual sex, cannot deliver psychuous pleasures and is eventually self-destructive.
The difference between serious and casual sex is not always obvious on the surface. But the difference always appears at the base of every relationship. While the actual sexual activity of serious sex can and often does have interludes of lightness and fun, the meaning behind every act is serious and important. But sex on a nonserious, unimportant, or casual basis done only for "fun" is a diminishing experience that erodes self-esteem and sexual competence. On the other hand, a serious sexual affair will always produce growth and values so long as the relationship is based on mutual values, honesty, and respect. In a value-based sexual relationship, psychuous pleasures are linked to a mutual reflection of each partner's personal values and worth.
Unlike casual sexual relationships, serious relationships have no bounds or limits to personal values that can be exchanged. The value of a serious romantic relationship can grow so great that you would give, if necessary, all of your possessions, even your own life, to protect your romantic-love partner.
You almost never can benefit from a multi-partner relationship, not only because of the painful, emotional conflicts but because of the time and effort inherently required to develop a valuable, romantic-love relationship with just one partner. Furthermore, the amount of time required to develop valuable multi-partner relationships could deprive you of the time needed to fully develop crucial areas of life such as your rewarding career.
The biggest negative of multi-partner relationships evolves from the nature of psychuous sex: Romantic love works best when structured around long-term, monogamous relationships. Why? Because continuous efforts and experiences with an exclusive partner deliver the most intimacy, growth, and values. Thus, the most erotically exciting and sexually satisfying experiences by nature evolve from long-term, monogamous/psychuous relations.
Casual, nonintimate, or fun-only sex does not always start from a neurotic base. Casual sex may begin as an immature sexual view during adolescence. Or casual sex may begin as a notion to experiment with "new" sex in order to broaden one's sexual experiences or to diminish sexual inhibitions and taboos. Indeed, casual sex, swinging sex, orgy sex may accomplish those ends. But, the eventual cost of casual sex, fun-only, or exploitive sex to your self-esteem is high. You experience such sex only with grave consequences to your self-esteem, sexuality, and happiness. By contrast, you experience a limitless broadening of erotic sexual experiences with enhanced self-esteem through psychuous sex within a growing relationship.
Human beings are always capable of correcting errors. The harm caused by past, casual-sexual experiences can be reversed by restructuring sexual standards around the consistent, value-oriented foundation of psychuous sex.
A value-oriented, romantic relationship offers limitless pleasures ranging from joy and spontaneous fun to erotic thrills, adventure, psychuous pleasures, and profound happiness. Equally important, such romantic relationships can greatly enhance each partner's productivity, values, and prosperity.
Psychuous pleasures can always grow, even during crisis or turmoil. Psychuous sex lets you physically confirm the value of your life, especially during difficult or crisis periods. Psychuous sex allows you to be acutely aware of your worth, pleasures, and happiness. But psychuous pleasures go far beyond sexual intercourse. In fact, sexual intercourse itself plays only a small (but crucial) role in psychuous pleasure, which is integrated with all aspects of conscious life.
Romantic love and psychuous pleasures add so much to human happiness that to settle for something as unchallenging and limited as casual, fun-only sex is to treat yourself poorly indeed. Limiting the potential for pleasure to such a narrow, shallow range of experiences undermines your entire life.
Trying hard to be honest, my father said, "Even though I have strong sexual feelings for several different women, to act on those feelings would most likely be irrational. You know, as busy as I am, I can see you're right. To have all those women would mean shallow one-night stands. Instead, I can get deeply involved with one, and blossom outward from sensuous pleasures to full-scale psychuous pleasures...from moments of instant gratification to a lifetime of deep fulfillment. As a result, I'll discover the most mind-blowing sex of all. ...Are you telling me I should go ahead now and make a commitment to one love?"
Not exactly. You see, a commitment to honesty with your romantic-love partner is essential for achieving psychuous pleasures. In an open relationship, each partner is free to follow those actions self-judged best for his or her own rational well-being. Each must also be equally free to make and correct his or her own errors. Both must strive to meet their individual needs for growth. Both must accept the fact that neither has any physical or psychological ownership over the other. With the freedom and self-responsibility to guide one's own life, each partner develops an ever-growing accumulation of strengths. Those new strengths allow each to continually feed fresh love and enriching values to the other.
With each partner feeding new strength and values into the relationship, each benefits from the other's unique experiences. With such constant values coming from free and independent sources, the excitement between partners can grow continuously, often by large leaps, toward increased psychuous pleasures and abiding happiness. With this never-ending, spiraling growth, each partner becomes increasingly valuable to the other. Thus, fewer and fewer circumstances could threaten or replace such a romantic-love relationship.
Like money in the bank, newly added values accumulate with interest. And with time, the strength of such value-built relationships becomes so great that no outside force, no matter how valuable or appealing, could compete. ...Such self-built continually added strengths and competitive values offer the only genuine security for any romantic-love relationship.
By contrast, sexual affairs hidden from one's love partner are deceptive and, therefore, dishonest and destructive. Moreover, such affairs are usually too restricted by their secrecy to deliver continuously growing values. ...Honesty and rationality are the foundations of psychuous pleasures and romantic love.
"I follow you," my father said. At that same instance, my father could almost feel a maturing process occurring within himself.
The first known sex manual was written about 2000 years ago by a Roman named Ovid. His manual stressed seduction techniques for casual sex. In addition, the manual aggressively promoted the Don Juan and "Playboy" fun views of sex while teaching various role-playing games and manipulative techniques for the seduction of women.
The Don Juan and "Playboy" approaches to sex use hypnosis, manipulations of sex partners, and pragmatic dishonesty of professing "sincerity", "seriousness", and "love" when strategically advantageous for conquest. But most modern-day Don Juans can only feign lust while actually being terrified of their own sexual inadequacies. In fact, most macho Don Juans have never experienced psychological orgasms and remain psychosexual virgins all their lives -- they never develop a capacity for delivering or receiving psychuous pleasures. More simply, macho men are males who have never sexually matured or grown up.
Then, there was a long pause. After awhile, my father thought his day here was over. But then the wind began to blow again, and the gentle female voice continued:
No matter how irrational or immoral if enacted in reality, fantasies are never immoral, wrong, or harmful when experienced or expressed without external action. For, fantasies are never harmful as long as they remain in the non-action, fantasy stage.
Seductiveness in the traditional, casual-sex sense and sensuousness are two different qualities. Traditional seductiveness involves sly trickery to accomplish an end such as sexual seduction -- often for neurotic macho-like purposes such as to bolster a weak self-esteem.
Sensuousness, on the other hand, involves openness and self-expression free of guilt. Sensuousness is a healthy trait, while seductiveness is generally an unhealthy trait. Sensuousness for enhancing personal appeal arises from rational effort that enhances self-esteem and long-range happiness. Seductiveness for manipulating sex partners arises from irrational laziness that undercuts self-esteem and long-range happiness.
But, seduction techniques for serious sex can be honest and beneficial. Those techniques are more accurately described as "sensuous projections" and differ from casual seduction techniques that depend on deceit. Sensuous projections are done through both verbal and body communication. The presentation of a person's body and words can be sexually attractive if projected with calculated thought. Those techniques are nonmanipulative and can be mastered through understanding the nature of psychuous sex. Men and women using the Neotech/Psychuous concepts can quickly achieve effective sensuous-projection techniques. The techniques involve integrating clothes, cosmetics, hair with one's body, face, voice, expressions -- all combined to project sexual attractiveness. Once acquired, those advantage-gaining techniques are available for life.
A basic right, indeed a self-duty, of every human being is to be sexually attractive. Natural attractiveness is a given that has no moral virtue. But self-made, sexual attractiveness is an admirable, moral virtue that requires continuous thought and effort. Keeping one's self sexually attractive throughout life is a highly rational act of self-responsibility that delivers increased power, prosperity, and romantic love. ...Contrary to the cancer seeds planted by mystics and neocheaters, self-made sexiness does not reflect any lack of values or promiscuity. But, to the contrary, self-made sexiness reflects a respect for values and self.
The primary attraction between two people moving toward rational, romantic-love relationships is their character traits, not their personality traits. Likewise, character development is the chief element in successful romantic-love relationships. And a romantic relationship based on psychuous sex usually develops into a mutual seduction process. During that process both partners project mounting sensuous, sexual attractiveness between them. Non-manipulative seductions are innocent projections of sexual attractiveness combined with trust, honesty, and care. That kind of seduction helps both partners plumb rich, personal depths with each other -- physically and emotionally.
Be aware that, because of their greater ease in initially attracting sexual partners, individuals with great natural, physical beauty must be cautious of the tempting traps inherent in easily obtainable sexual love. A few people, because of their stunning natural beauty, are not directly subjected to nature's vigorous sexual competition. To achieve love, sexual pleasures, and happiness, most people recognize early in life that they must become competitively attractive through high-effort development of character and competence. In adulthood, those who grew up accepting the challenge to self-develop can easily outcompete those naturally beautiful people who earlier in life never experienced those pressures to develop. As a result, some people with great natural beauty sadly grow old while remaining undeveloped, immature, incompetent, unable to love or be loved.
"Should I still work on my looks -- still workout, run, stay slim, and look good?" my father asked.
Achieving and maintaining good physical fitness and appearance are necessary for developing psychuous pleasures and long-range happiness. On the other hand, physical appearances not within one's control are unimportant for achieving psychuous pleasures and happiness. The difference, for example, is between being sloppy and ugly. The natural, physically ugly person can choose to develop beauty through character development and sensuous efforts. He or she can then experience the full range of psychuous pleasures and happiness. But careless or sloppy people can never fully experience psychuous pleasures and happiness as long as they choose to remain careless and lazy about self and life. For by not caring about self and life, they obliterate their self-esteem and desirability, while cutting themselves off from love and happiness. ...How can anyone ultimately care about those who do not care about themselves?
Consider people who let themselves grow fat. Such people have chosen to travel on a death curve. Traveling that route, a person's unhappiness and probability of death increases with increasing fatness. In turn, that route devastates a person's self-esteem and happiness.
People who let themselves physically deteriorate or grow obese lose the capacity for psychuous pleasures from both physical and psychological capacities.
Nearly anyone at any age in any physical condition can achieve optimum physical fitness by gradually increasing physical stress with an aerobic-type program totaling less than two hours per week of running, swimming, bicycling, or brisk walking as described in Dr. Kenneth H. Cooper's book, Aerobics. Permanent, optimum body weight can be achieved through low-carbohydrate diet as described in Dr. Robert C. Atkins' book, Dr. Atkins' Diet Revolution. Both books taken together are major contributions to human health and well-being that deliver attractiveness, vigor, and happiness.
An individual has much more voluntary control over his or her physical and mental health than most people realize. Over the long range, a person has almost total control over his or her emotional and physical well-being. By choosing to consistently use the mind rationally in becoming an honest, productive human being, a person can control his or her own psychological and physical well-being. Every individual always has the choice to rationally solve problems or to default on that responsibility. Those who chronically default on that self-responsibility have no way to earn prosperity or psychuous pleasures.
Both mysticism, a psyche "drug", and hard drugs have both short-range and long-range harmful effects on health and happiness. Even in moderate amounts, mysticism and drugs distort reality. And all distortions of reality are harmful because the human organism depends on accurate perception of reality to be competent, competitive, and to make the non-mystical judgments necessary for prosperous, happy survival. The illusionary values of mysticism and drugs arise from their reality-distorting effects. Indeed drugs and mysticism can feel like old, comfortable, warm friends. But, in the long term, they deliver only harm, incompetence, and unhappiness. And their distortions can initially be so well rationalized that the mystic or the drug user can easily choose to remain unaware of the mounting damage until permanent loss of happiness and energy become inescapable.
Damage from mysticism and drugs can range from a quick overdose death or suicide, to an unhappy truncated life, to the more subtle psychological and physiological damages that occur even with moderate use of mysticism and drugs. For instance, marijuana disorients the electrical brain patterns to diminish one's quality of thinking and order of priorities. For instance, marijuana tends to convert demanding action and ambition into passive dreams and laziness. More serious, that movement from effort and ambition to passivity and dreams may be cumulative. Furthermore, the mystical-dream effects of marijuana destroy competence. Also, investigations by Masters and Johnson show that male marijuana users experience drops in testosterone of 40% and more. Reduced testosterone causes reduced sex drive, an atrophy of male sex organs, a softening of muscle tissue, and a wimpish decrease in aggressiveness.
Drugs cause many psychological and physical problems that diminish prosperity, romantic love, and psychuous pleasures. Other diminishers of prosperity and happiness include mystical, religious, and political activities as well as lying, self-lying, praying, promiscuous sex, and the use of tobacco, sugar, and caffeine.
Breaking sugar, tobacco, and caffeine habits quickly improves a person's quality of life. A person's self-esteem also significantly increases by eliminating habits that are destructive to the conscious mind and physical body. ...The surest way to stop smoking is to make a nonnegotiable decision to stop smoking completely and forever...and then stop completely and forever without using any crutches such as increased eating, snacking, sweets, sucking Lifesavers, or excessive bragging. A person who uses such crutches will almost always return to smoking sooner or later. The decision to stop must be decisive, irrevocable, uncompromisable, and forever.
Likewise, caffeine in coffee, cola, and chocolate is a stimulant drug. Aside from the depressing psychological effects of being controlled by a habit, prolonged and excessive use of caffeine can physically damage parts of the body such as the kidneys and pancreas and can adversely affect carbohydrate metabolism. That, in turn, can add to the damage and unhappiness caused by sugar consumption. Except for mysticism, the most common and destructive drug is the sedative sugar. Indeed, sugar causes more unhappiness, illness, and deaths through body mutilation (obesity), metabolic damage, physical and psychological harm than all other drugs combined.
But, the most pervasive and destructive of all diseases is mysticism. In fact, for 3000 years, mysticism has been far more destructive on human life than all the other diseases on this planet combined.
Casual sex, mysticism, neocheating, dishonesty, deceptive manipulation, compulsive gambling, hard and soft drugs, tobacco, caffeine, excessive alcohol, sugar, and prayer are long-term, negative aphrodisiacs that undermine self-esteem, romantic love, and psychuous pleasures. Also, folk-lore aphrodisiacs such as Spanish fly, yohimbine, ginseng root, and others have no long-term or physiological aphrodisiac value. The only effective aphrodisiacs are a desirable sexual partner, physical fitness, and the psychological/philosophical conditions of Neotech that allow psychuous pleasures to flourish through the production and exchange of values.
Again, the voice of fully integrated honesty stopped, as if Zon had reached a conclusion. After a minute, my father asked, "Is there anything else I should know about sex?" Indeed, the soft female voice of Zon continued...
The opposite extreme of Neotech aphrodisiacs are playboy anxieties. Those anxieties caused by pressures from "expected" sexual performances cause impotence and frigidity. Impotence also occurs through put-down statements or actions from a partner. Such statements or actions occur either willfully and maliciously or through error and ignorance. But the effects of such damage are often limited to that particular relationship. Thus, once the problem is identified, the victim can promptly abandon that destructive relationship. Decisively rejecting a "castrating" or "frigidizing" partner usually restores full sexual capacity.
A less obvious, more dangerous pressure subconsciously corrupts the mind. That pressure comes from listening to false or undercutting statements about the sexual performance of one's own self or others. Such statements, no matter how false, involuntarily lodge in the subconscious mind. That happens even when the conscious mind rejects such statements as false. By that mechanism, a subconscious undermining of a person's sexual potency or character can occur in one of two ways: (1) by innuendo and other indirect forms of communication, or (2) by sexual or character put-down humor. Even if the conscious mind rejects such put downs, the choice to grant credibility by voluntarily listening lets the subconscious mind accept such specious, harmful information as valid.
The nonanalytical, subconscious mind does not evaluate assertions. The subconscious mind does not distinguish honest from dishonest information or serious from humorous situations. Thus, on entering the subconscious, the false information gradually works its undermining damage on the mind and nervous system. For that reason, a person should never propagate or even listen to unjust put downs, attacks, jokes, or gossip concerning the character or sexuality about oneself or anyone else. ...Such is the ear and mouth responsibility of everyone.
A person, however, should always be open and receptive to constructive, factually valid criticism about oneself or others.
Impotence and frigidity also develop when a man tries to oppress a woman, or vice versa. A person's willingness to accept such oppression blocks the possibility for psychuous pleasures. Such mutual acquiescence to oppression leads to impotence and frigidity in both partners. By contrast, a man's psychosexual dominance and a woman's act of sexual surrender harmonize with the physical and psychological nature of human beings. That psychological dominant/surrender interaction permits both partners to achieve the guiltless freedom and emotional closeness necessary for psychuous pleasures. There is no greater experience in this world than psychuous pleasures.
"I really want to experience psychuous pleasures," my father echoed.
Searching for that great experience, some people try to get involved too quickly in deep romantic relationships. The possible penalties of pressing for deep involvement too quickly include losing a potential romantic-love partner or unnecessarily wasting an irreplaceable portion of one's life by locking into a time-wasting destructive relationship.
Many initial approaches to romantic love are possible: Some start hot and flaming, others start cool and conservatively. But the way a romantic relationship starts is usually unimportant because romantic love evolves through the exchange of mutually beneficial values. Therefore, any initial, honest approach is good and normally does not determine the outcome. ...What determines the success of a relationship is the creation and growth of mutually beneficial values.
By applying Neotech, you increase your Life-Lifting Capacity, which is a powerful attraction. Life-Lifting Capacity means providing the exciting environment that helps our loved ones discover and fulfill their own unrealized capacities and potential. With that capacity, you can lift a potential, romantic-love partner to new experiences and growth.
"And what about commitment?" my father asked.
The only commitment you ever need to make in romantic love is a commitment to honesty and growth. If a relationship grows out of honest free-choice, the values accumulate naturally. The relationship then increasingly forms a self-chosen permanence. If growth continues, the relationship can gain unbreakable strength and permanence. If growth stops, the relationship can benevolently end with most of the accumulated values retained by you and your ex-partner. As a result, you and your ex-partner will have expanded your capacities for future relationships. In addition, the benevolent termination of a value-oriented relationship can, if the partners so choose, remain open to possible changes that would allow resumption of growth and the relationship.
Romantic love never occurs automatically or by chance. Life values are earned through honest efforts. That means constant, conscious efforts orchestrated in full accord with reality. As with all important values, romantic love and psychuous pleasures demand thought, effort, and time to develop. The positive values generated are proportional to the rational thought and honest effort invested.
My father started thinking about what Zon had just said about a commitment to honesty and growth. Preoccupied by this thought, he said, "I want to go home now and think about all this. A lot of things you said today are completely different than what I always believed, but, on the other hand, seem totally honest...and exciting! Finally, there seems to be order in love. Now I feel I can get control of my love life for exciting results! I would like to ask you more questions tomorrow."
That night my father, in the physical prime of his life, felt something unfamiliar but wonderful -- he felt free. When he slept, he had a wonderful dream about a fairy-tale love, a deep and meaningful love. When he woke up, he knew he wanted that kind of love for real. Throughout the morning, he felt different. A wave of maturity seemed to have washed through him. When he got to his mountain, he sat down and said,
"Whatever you are doing to me, I like it. Last night I was thunderstruck by realizing my actions in life were largely based on what others deemed best. Now I think I will discover who I really am, and it feels good. For the first time, I suddenly desire a serious relationship, my kind of relationship. Can we talk about that?"
In about a minute, the wind blew and the gentle woman's voice -- the voice of fully integrated honesty -- continued:
Actions based on standards of other people or "authorities" stifle self-discovery and block the personal and intellectual growth necessary for romantic love and psychuous pleasures. Society or peer views are often very immature. Within romantic love, no action or behavior needs the approval or sanction of anyone beyond the partners themselves.
Acceptance or approval by people is not a requirement for success, happiness, or psychuous pleasures. To achieve psychuous pleasures, a person must be free to be one's own self and choose one's own actions. Trying to be different from one's rational self is a distortion of human nature and contrary to romantic love. Acting on what others think rather than on your own thinking not only undermines integrity and judgment, but diminishes self-esteem. That, in turn, gradually represses the best qualities within you.
"But, how do I get started in a psychuous relationship?" my father asked.
The starting point of a psychuous relationship is the similarity of both partners' views of life and their underlying philosophical premises. Without that base of philosophical harmony, no solid ground for mutual development of a value-oriented, romantic-love relationship would exist.
Forming and building a fundamental base is not a process of creating, but one of discovering mutual values, ideas, and thoughts already held. This segment of romantic love is usually the fastest, easiest aspect of the relationship to identify and establish. But discovering the infinite depth and full nature of your partner is an exciting, life-long, unfolding process. Most of the fundamental, philosophical links between two people can usually be recognized early in the relationship. Unfortunately, one's fundamental basis is relatively easy to fake. Faking one's fundamental self to attract a love partner, however, is a disastrous error that will eventually be paid for in lost love, lost time, reduced self-esteem, diminished happiness, and a dimmed future, especially for the one doing the faking.
In order to establish a growing, long-range relationship, you and your partner must understand the ideas that the other holds about man-woman relationships. In order for both you and your partner to work effectively toward creating a relationship, you each must first identify the basis and nature of your own relationship. The Neotech/Psychuous ideas that I reveal to you identify the basis for man-woman relationships designed to yield growth, psychuous pleasures, and happiness.
A romantic-love relationship moves forward with motivation and anticipation through a vision of future values, benefits, and happiness.
"I am ready," my dad said. "But in my case, I am so busy in my career and now with my newly discovered love of writing...how could I do it?"
Two types of romantic-love relationships exist. First, one partner works through the other more creative or active partner in climbing to increasing levels of accomplishment. Both partners share the rewards according to the values that each contribute. The more productive, creative, efficient, one partner becomes, the greater are the benefits and growth opportunities for the other partner. In turn, that partner then grows to become increasingly valuable to the other partner. Each partner benefits greatly from such a combined working/growing relationship. And such a relationship is mutually advantageous even when major differences in productivity, creativity, or energy exist between partners. A difference in productivity does not imply a difference in personal character. In such a joint-working relationship, even wide differences in productivity and creativity do not threaten the relationship, so long as growing values are being exchanged between the partners.
A joint-working relationship has the outstanding advantage not only of the partners sharing much larger portions of their lives, but of the partners living their lives more intensely together. ...They are living integrally together before, during, and after work, every day. They move on their goals, careers, essences, integrated thinking, and happiness together. They can each be more effective, efficient, and happier working together than working separately. They can become major, irreplaceable, growing values to each other.
Now second, each partner can pursue independent routes toward separate careers or goals. And each can benefit from such a relationship by the cross-sharing of experiences, emotions, and rewards of their separate experiences and accomplishments. The separate-working relationship need be neither threatening nor competitive for either partner, but rather can be a continuous source of pleasures and enrichment not available to either partner alone.
Both types of relationships offer unlimited opportunities for personal growth and happiness. In such value-producing relationships, each partner knows either implicitly or explicitly that intimacy, pleasures, and happiness in a relationship arise from sharing personal growth, not from possessing or owning one another.
Profound differences exist among people in their self-made qualities such as character development, earned skills, self-worth, extrinsic worth, aspects of intelligence, self-esteem, life-lifting capacity, psychuous-pleasures capacity. The "average individual" does not exist. Each individual is unique. So many variables are involved in an individual's character, physical structure, and psychological makeup that no individual can possibly be an average person. Moreover, no average psychology or lifestyle exists. When searching for your psychuous partner, remember, all rational psychologies have a "random-walk" capacity for delivering happiness. That means that every rational, productive individual has the same capacity for earning abiding happiness regardless of intelligence, psychology, or job status. Abiding happiness is possible to the extent that a person rejects mysticism in utilizing the mind to think rationally and in exerting the effort to live fully. A person's honesty, character, and self-earned values count above all else.
Also, keep in mind that people are capable of change...of changing their lives, character, attitudes, views, and actions. To be real, however, such changes must occur through one's own choices motivated by one's own desires and self-interest. Basic changes can never be successfully imposed on anyone, not even by a person's love partner. Changes accomplished by force, threat, coercion, or pressure are not genuine changes, but are pretenses or changes in external appearance designed to deceive, relieve pressures, or to avoid threatened consequences. Such feigned changes are never positive and always lead to harmful consequences.
Positive changes always require honest, self-directed efforts. Through ongoing character development, a person can become triggered to integrate new information quickly. That integration can cause significant, rapid changes in attitudes. For example, consider yourself the past three days since listening to me! If a person is unable or unwilling to act on valid new information, however, then efforts directed toward changing that person will fail. That does not mean untriggered persons cannot eventually change. But, if they do, the change will be by their own choice and pace.
"You're right," my father said. "I have changed enormously these past few days from your enlightenments. In fact, for the first time in my life, I'm really excited about love. I guess, for the first time, I realize the joy and fulfillment possible from love." At that moment, his face, smiling and round under the midday sun, looked as innocent as a schoolboy. The dialogue continued with the sweet female voice that seemed brightened by a smile...
Finding the right partner with whom to experience psychuous pleasures and romantic love is one of life's most important responsibilities. Opportunities to discover a potential, life-long romantic partner exist everywhere. But unplanned approaches diminish your chances of securing the best possible romantic-love partner.
You should remember that meeting a suitable partner to build abiding love and happiness needs only one connection, one meeting, one social function, one planned effort...and any time could be that one time. Until you find that right romantic partner, you should never stop searching for that person with whom to share and build values, love, and happiness. To give up searching would be to give up on life itself. And finding that one person makes all efforts worthwhile.
Never bemoan the unhappiness or falseness of guests at social gatherings, for you might be projecting your own feelings of unhappiness or falseness onto people who may not be that way at all. But, by looking past your own mystical complaints, you can usually generate self-benefiting values from most social circumstances, even if the people encountered hold values and life styles different from your own.
Still, you must be selective to protect your time. You must not let valuable, irreplaceable segments of life be consumed by those who waste time, retard personal growth, or work against your best interests. But when unavoidably cast into a situation with undesirable people, you can usually salvage valuable new insights. Whenever possible, however, you should promptly exit from situations that waste time.
Feelings of social incompetence are generally unfounded. Such feelings are often caused by falsely negative views about yourself or mystical views about others. When you become aware of and scrap those false views, the feelings of social incompetence diminish and often vanish.
An effective way to bypass shyness, nervousness, and feelings of social incompetence is by intense listening with full-focus awareness on the speaker. Not only does such attention elicit friendly reactions from the speaker to the listener, but intense listening increases the listener's ability to communicate and articulate. Intense listening is also a valuable tool to evaluate potential partners for romantic love.
Possibilities for contacting potential, romantic-love partners increase proportionately with the number of approaches made toward potential partners. Many opportunities for discovering romantic-love partners are lost by people who fear what others may think of them for trying to "pick up" people to whom they are attracted. Even more opportunities are lost through inaction caused by fear of rejection.
In finding the best romantic-love partner, you must be free and forward in approaching potential partners. That includes all approaches from a self-introduction to a media ad or a bold pickup. Through fear of rejection, many people lose valuable opportunities to discover romantic partners within whom the supreme values of psychuous pleasures and romantic love reside. That fear of contacting others dissipates on realizing the nature of rejections: Most rejections stem simply from unavailability. And many other rejections arise from inadequacies within the person doing the rejecting. Such rejections are not personal rebuffs, but actually serve as valuable sorting processes that allow the quick elimination of unpromising prospects with a minimum loss of time.
Those who rely on natural beauty or physical attractiveness to control love situations are generally unsuitable for romantic love. For usually they ignore the efforts and disciplines needed to develop capacities to receive or deliver romantic love and psychuous pleasures. Those who respond to your initial, natural approach often make the best prospects for romantic partners. For that reason, you must freely express your unique, natural self from the start in order for the selection process to work effectively in uncovering the best potential romantic-love partners.
Many people erroneously think that seeking potential romantic partners at social functions designed for that purpose, such as singles dances, clubs, introduction services, Parents Without Partners, is somehow degrading. But the opposite is the fact. People who value themselves and their happiness will resist mystically acting on such false feelings. Instead, they will place a high priority on those activities that will improve their chances of discovering the best-possible, life-long, romantic-love partner.
The value of romantic love is far too important for leaving to random chance. Instead, you must put the discovering of a life-long partner under your own direct control. You must exert organized, rational efforts to find the love partner with whom the greatest values can be exchanged. That direct-action approach contrasts with the mystical approach of those who count on random chance, a white knight, or someone else to deliver the values of love and happiness to them. ...To gain and keep a value as great as romantic love requires some effort.
The voice of honesty paused. My father stood up and looked deep into the mountain's terrain, then said, "Zon, thank you. I feel that deep responsibility and desire now." The moment captured my father and Zon, looking at each other...just as still as a desert painting. Yet, internal emotions raced through my dad. He did not even notice when the wind began blowing again, but then heard Zon saying...
Do not seek the most gorgeous woman for the sake of securing a trophy. Consider that most animals evolve to near their perfect physical appearance. But conscious beings do not because those without natural beauty can choose to work harder to develop their character and competence to higher levels. Thus, some people with less natural beauty work harder to develop superior characters. They do that to compete better in attracting mates for psychuous pleasures and reproduction. By contrast, many of those endowed with natural beauty lack the same competitive pressures to work harder to develop character and competence.
Thus, because certain people without natural beauty make themselves more competitive, they remain well represented throughout the evolutionary stream. In fact, they tend to rise above the naturally beautiful people in power, intellectual attractiveness, and sexual desirability. Those dynamics are why (1) naturally beautiful people can be found among the less evolved and (2) unhandsome people can be found among the highest levels of evolvement. Thus, unlike other animals, nature's drive for physical perfection is not a controlling evolutionary force in man. Indeed, man-controlled intelligent actions can outcompete nature-controlled, physical appearances not only for reproduction and survival, but for prosperity, happiness, and romantic love.
You see, achieving psychuous pleasures and romantic love requires the same discipline, thought, and effort for every individual, regardless of innate physical appearances. You must be cautious of involvement with a woman of exceptional, natural beauty whose personal life reflects low-effort, low-productivity. Such women often let their natural beauty substitute for the long-term effort required to develop characters of competence, self-esteem, and sensuosity required for romantic-love. Thus, underdeveloped, beautiful women -- and men -- are often airheads...often boring, value-draining people who are poor lovers with low self-esteems.
In any case, shyness reduces contact and chances with potential romantic-love partners. But shyness is easily overcome once the problem is identified. In addition, the constant misunderstanding of a uniquely different individual may cause that person to withdraw and become a loner. That aloneness may create an erroneous image that such a person is shy or a bore when neither is true.
A major step toward eliminating shyness is the acceptance of one's own self. To do that, you must realize that no "model" person exists with whom anyone needs to emulate or identify with in order to be healthy, happy, or successful. ...You bypass shyness by being your own self in guiltlessly, proudly producing rational, competitive values in any way you choose, regardless of what others may say or think.
A shy person is seldom a bore. A bore is a person who is silly, uninteresting, or uncomfortable to another person. Often being a bore to a particular person is merely the result of that particular person's reactions. Such reactions depend on individual values and standards. Some people can be boring to certain people, but exciting to others. For example Einstein, Edison, Henry Ford, and Bill Gates while being very exciting to each other, probably would have bored some if not most beautiful women before becoming rich and famous.
"Yes. I see how that could be true," my father said, a bit surprised. "As for not being shy, I'm OK in that department," he added, with a hint of male pride. "But are there other important tips on getting my love-life right and wonderful this time?"
In searching for that life-long romantic partner, keep the following in mind: Men and women have equal capacity for intellectual development, character development, integral honesty, self-esteem, physical fitness, psychuous pleasures, romantic love, and abiding happiness. But physiological differences as well as psychological differences exist between men and women. Those differences must be recognized in order to function effectively -- to function as a human male or female is intended to function -- to function as an honest, rational, conscious being. Those differences cannot be considered good or bad, better or worse, or by any other label. They are just differences in their natures. But the differences are real. Thus, they must be recognized and dealt with as reality.
The feminist movement ignores or rejects the psychological differences and often even ignores the physiological differences between man and woman. That evasion of reality is reflected by the feminists' irrational, destructive demands for government-enforced "equality".
The often misunderstood division-of-labor concept is central to all beneficial relationships, ranging from individual man-woman romantic relationships to mutually beneficial employer-employee relationships involving thousands of people. Next to their attacks on individual rights through the use of government force, the most harmful neocheating manipulations by feminist leaders are their attacks on the voluntary division-of-labor concept. Some feminists advocate eliminating the division-of-labor dynamic from man-woman relationships. They demand, for example, that all jobs, chores, and activities be shared equally.
Most other people desire and happily use the division of labor to their mutual advantages. Indeed, the most fair, efficient way to exchange values for desired values is through division of labor. Even the traditional trade in which the man earns money while the woman makes an efficient home and living atmosphere is a valid, proper trade that can greatly benefit each, if each mutually agrees to and desires such a trade.
For what reason would a feminist or anyone else attack two people who agree to what they want to do with their own personal selves and lives? One reason is that such feminists are neocheaters using the tool of guilt to undermine values in order to usurp power and values earned by others. But, romantic-love partners responding to feminist demands for equality of actions -- rather than for each partner offering the other his or her separately developed values -- eventually eliminate happiness from their relationships. For equality of actions pushes love partners toward inefficient, restricted petty relationships in which mutual growth fades and love dies. ...In other words, do not get too tied into a woman locked into feminist ideas, or your love will suffer.
Women functioning in any of the following three categories can achieve psychuous pleasures, romantic love, and abiding happiness:
Today, with the many domestic labor-saving conveniences, a housewife "career" is often too unchallenging to provide the self-esteem, independence, and growth needed to experience the full range of happiness available from life. But, exceptions exist in which being a housewife is a challenging management profession delivering full self-esteem, happiness, and romantic love. Examples today include the partner-wives of super-productive entrepreneurs, businessmen, farmers, scientists, and other hard-driving producers. Another example includes mothers who take over the responsibility of properly educating their children in light of today's incompetent educational systems.
"What are your integrations on having children?" my father asked.
A potential area for either undermining or boosting happiness is having children. Which direction often depends on whether or not the parents have achieved financial independence. Parents who lose growth and happiness can damage the well-being of their innocent child or children. On the other hand, parents who gain growth and happiness can sustain the great gift of happiness in their children's lives.
Common sense dictates: do not have children until you are in a financial and maturity position to conceive a child as a net-happiness asset, rather than a draining task. Couples who follow that advice almost always have greater capacities to love both life and their children than those who thoughtlessly or prematurely have children to "secure" the marriage, to meet the expectations of others, or other unhealthy reasons.
Romantic love and psychuous pleasures can still be achieved for couples who have children if they fully meet their responsibilities to both their children and to themselves. With children, the goal of building happiness and romantic love becomes more challenging. But if successful, a romantic relationship with the uniquely valuable experience of children can be even more rewarding than a romantic-love relationship without children.
Except to yourself and dependent children, you owe duties to no one -- including your spouse, siblings, parents -- and to nothing, including society, the government, the church, or to any other "higher" cause. The prime moral duty is to develop your own potential to achieve abiding happiness through character development and value production. Beyond the prime responsibility to be a net value producer in order to earn happiness, your only other moral duty is to support and develop your own children into honest, nonmystical, self-sufficient adults. That duty includes teaching children to objectively identify facts in full context and to live competently by rejecting all forms of mysticism, dishonesty, and neocheating.
Properly caring for and rearing children to become honest, self-sufficient adults is a moral responsibility and duty of the parents. That duty
[missing file: contents truncated; however the above text is similar to Neo-Tech Advantage #71 ... and the text below is from Neo-Tech Advantage #74]
Natural highs involve the release of physical and emotional tensions while being fully aware of the mind and body. The sensation is that of "letting go" as the body tensions release and the emotional pleasures are guiltlessly felt. Those natural, euphoric experiences are contrasted to the destructive, tension-breaking actions of taking drugs, getting drunk, food gorging. Such artificial or mystical highs always leave hangovers and unhappiness along with damaged minds and bodies.
My father stood there smiling. "That all sounds so nice," he said. "But how do I do this right and make the right choice for psychuous pleasures? I have never been able to experience real romantic love."
You must know perhaps the two most common causes of judgment error:
Segmented judging is a method to decrease judgment errors. This method provides a more fair, accurate, and valuable way to judge individuals, especially those important to one's life. This method is particularly important for judging potential romantic-love partners.
First, you must recognize that people are many-faceted combinations of complex character traits -- usually combinations consisting mainly of objectively positive traits with some, often hidden, negative traits. And second, you must break down those various character traits into separate components.
Once that breakdown is done, you can make more fair and accurate judgments by weighing specific positive traits against specific negative traits, "positive to me" values versus "negative to me" values. The extent that the positive values outweigh the negative values is the extent you make a positive moral judgment. Similarly, the extent that "positive to me" values outweigh the "negative to me" disvalues is the extent you make a positive personal-value judgment. Many personal values are merely preferences and tastes that develop from your past experiences, interests, and motivations that are not grounded in right or wrong issues, but arise from the uniqueness of you and your past experiences and development.
The most useful and accurate method to judge a potential romantic-love partner, or any person, is on a segmented "value-scale" basis. You cannot judge the whole of an individual on any specific aspect of his or her character, personality, actions, words, or behavior. Exclusively focusing on specific aspects of a person yields distorted, infatuation-type judgments. Instead, you should judge an individual by placing all the known characteristics and qualities of that person on either the "value to me" side or the "disvalue to me" side of the balance scale. You then judge the person by the extent that the scale tips to the value side or to the disvalue side.
You should keep the evaluation of each person open. In accumulating more experience or information about any person, the balance tilt can change. Growth, change, or deterioration of either yourself or the person being judged can cause the "value scale" to tilt more or less in one direction or even to switch to the other direction.
The "value to me" standard is the most reliable, valuable way for you to judge the personal value of another individual. The direction and extent the "value scale" tilts is influenced by the personal-value system of you, for the value weights often depend on your personal wants, goals, needs and thus will vary from individual to individual.
"Zon, I may have already found the woman I want to become serious with," my father said. "Can you give me some Neotech tips? I want the power of fully integrated honesty to make this work."
Once you find romantic love, realize this: Only within a romantic relationship in which you and your woman love and value each other in your private universe can you experience the full range of physical and psychological sharing. Within the romantic relationship resides the full scope of psychuous pleasures: the combination of full-range sexuality with the freedom to fearlessly share any aspect of yourself...any thought, feeling, fantasy, emotion -- good or bad, rational or irrational. Thus, you can let go completely to share and guiltlessly experience any aspect of your body, mind, emotion, imagination with your romantic-love partner.
You can freely share any aspect of yourself and life. But you need not share every aspect. You always have the guiltless right to privacy to any area of your life, even within the closest, most open and honest friendship or romantic-love relationship. Total honesty does not require total revealing all of your private self. Indeed, absolute and total sharing of yourself and psyche involves losing the most profound essence of privacy. That loss, in turn, diminishes the sense of "I" and your self-esteem. Retaining the essence of personal privacy is not an act of repression, inhibition, dishonesty, or lack of openness, but is a self-respect preservation of your inherent right to privacy.
To experience psychuous pleasures through romantic love requires genuine self-esteem valuing of your own self. Beyond the romantic-love relationship, self-esteem is diminished or even destroyed by indiscriminately sharing or by giving away your personal, private self too cheaply. That loss of self-esteem can be especially severe if you promiscuously give away your private self just because socially chic books, gurus, and media commentators falsely promulgate the need to be totally open with everyone. They imply that love, openness, and honesty are demonstrated by the giving of your private self to all comers.
The sharing of yourself is a personal choice and judgment. Such sharing with another person may occur quickly, even on initial contact if judgment responses trigger desires to move toward deeper personal or romantic possibilities. Chances should and must be taken on exploring potentially valuable relationships. Errors in judgment are often made. But minimum harm from such errors results so long as you are making your own choices, using reason and reality rather than following the words of mystics, social "authorities", or gurus.
Happiness exists as a private world within your own self. That world expands into a mutually exclusive universe shared by two people involved in a psychuous-pleasure, romantic-love relationship. And that exclusive, private universe is a uniquely precious, emotional treasure. But that treasure can be forever lost by indiscriminately or promiscuously sharing yourself physically, psychologically, or spiritually with others.
That selfless giveaway and subsequent destruction of your private inner world is exactly what the egalitarian advocates of "total openness" wish to accomplish. Only by negating everyone else's private values and self-esteem, can they justify their own prostituted inner world.
By contrast, avoiding that self-giveaway trap leaves romantic love and abiding happiness open for any value producer.
"In the past, when I got close to a woman, I did try communicating well. What about that?" my father asked.
Crucial in your romantic-love relationship is open communication, especially during negative emotional experiences. During stressful or negative experiences, deliberate reason-based -- rather than automatic emotion-based -- conclusions are needed to make fair, honest judgments. The ability to communicate honestly without mysticism during emotional stress is the hallmark of successful love partners.
The first step to reason-based communication between you and your woman is to identify and separate the emotional aspects of a problem. For, knowing the difference between reason-based conclusions and emotion-based conclusions is the most important step in developing communication skills during negative situations.
Your ability to generate reason-based conclusions out of negative situations has powerfully beneficial effects on your well-being, self-esteem, and happiness. Reasoned conclusions in emotional situations, for example, can prevent irrational actions that damage or destroy business, family, and romantic-love situations. The habitual use of reason-based conclusions in emotional situations leads to powerfully effective communication in all situations, especially business and romantic-love situations.
Feeling that it was getting late, my father asked the mountain if there was anything more for today. The gentle voice responded:
I have one more important tip to give you today, one more important Neotech advice: Psychuous pleasures and abiding happiness depend on psychological health which, in turn, depends on productive work. Without productive work or preparations for such, psychological health is impossible. Moreover, psychuous pleasures and happiness act as the emotional incentives to constantly increase your value and productivity.
By the way, you like most productive individuals are of much greater value than your mystically diminished self-image lets you realize. For, the image of highly productive individuals has been constantly denigrated by dishonest media journalists, authors, university professors, educators, theologians, politicians, and social "intellectuals". The productive middle class is projected in the ugly, inverted, false images of the Babbitts and Willie Lomans. The ultimate unjust irony lies with the destructive government bureaucrats and "professionals": They who never produce values, only consume or destroy them, coined and contemptuously use the pejorative "working stiffs" in describing the self-sufficient, working middle class. Those "working stiffs" are the honest people who daily produce a flood of values for others, including those government value destroyers. Indeed, those value destroyers could not survive without those "working stiffs". But those "working stiffs" would thrive without those bureaucrats and professional value destroyers.
You, the value producer, can feel your full worth only after discarding the years of unearned guilt foisted on you by the mystics, politicians, social "intellectuals", media commentators, and other neocheating altruists and egalitarians. Indeed, you can and should experience the pleasure of feeling your full worth all the time. And now with Neotech, you can forever free yourself of egalitarian altruism and its envious neocheaters to always feel your deserved worth and happiness.
Productivity is the building block for prosperity, love, and happiness. Now, I want you to go home and write down tonight the most common character and behavior traits associated with productive men and women. Reflect on what I have bestowed upon you, and then make your list.
That night, my father reflected for about two-and-a-half hours, reviewing in his mind Zon's voice of fully integrated honesty. Then, my father put to paper his list as Zon had asked, as follows:
Character Traits
Honesty
Integrity
Rationality
Consistency
Perseverance
Individualism
Enthusiasm
Ambition
Passion
Behavior Traits
Acts with energy, honesty, and fairness regardless of near-term consequences. Loyalty to honesty.
Recognizes and pursues the values of honesty and integrity.
Thinks rationally, logically, objectively.
Focuses on reality.
Seeks facts in full context.
Organizes self, life, and work toward profitable actions.
Asks clear questions and listens carefully.
Values time. Uses it efficiently and profitably.
Anticipates and then strives for achievement.
Sets value-producing goals and strives to accomplish them.
Seeks to understand fully and contextually before judging.
Shows passion, benevolence, and innocence toward life.
Avoids mystical reactions.
The next day, my father arrived at the mountain, feeling somewhat proud of his efforts the night before. "I want to start writing more," he said to Zon. Zon responded by saying that was part of the original reason Zon spoke to him, with the knowledge that he would record and distribute the message to the world. Zon also made it clear that the voice of fully integrated honesty still had much to cover, then that widely integrated voice, blowing in the wind, turned to a very grave message:
Growth Death or Psyche Death are terms used to describe the tragedy of dying as a competently functioning conscious being while continuing to exist physically. That phenomenon unnecessarily occurs in a high percentage of people. Caused by the disease of mysticism, Growth Death affects perhaps 90% of the world's living adult population. Growth Death is a uniquely human phenomenon that involves the stagnation and death of the human psyche, often at an early age -- even before the human body reaches physical maturity.
The human psyche embraces both the emotional and intellectual spheres of the mind. Contrary to popular myth, both spheres are inseparably linked and symbiotically function together. If one sphere grows, so does the other. If one sphere deteriorates, so does the other. Most important, the human psyche has no age or capacity limitations on its growth.
Unlike the physical body, the human psyche has no growth limits. It never needs to stop growing. In fact, the continuous growth of the psyche is the process of conscious living. When that process stops, the individual ceases to function as a conscious being is designed to function. If a person's psyche is not growing, that person is living contrary to his or her nature. Thus, that person's psyche begins dying. And if one's psyche is dying, that person cannot experience growing prosperity, love, or happiness.
What happens with a living, growing business-like mind? Value-producing actions beget happy feelings while honestly integrating reality. What happens with a dying, shrinking mystical mind? Indulged feelings beget destructive actions while dishonestly evading reality. I want you to compare the psyche of those two minds -- the criminal, destructive, mystic mind versus the heroic, productive, business mind.
Understand that people generally display various mixtures of living and dead psyche characteristics. But the mixture is always tilted to one side or the other with the general direction usually moving unnecessarily toward death.
Now, I want you to go home and think hard about what I just said. Then, I want you to make a checklist for self-mysticism to determine whether your psyche is living or dying.
My father worked through the rest of the day and late into the night to complete the checklist below. He returned at predawn the next morning. "I made the checklist," he said. "And you know what Zon? I also realized that a person with a dying psyche can reverse the trend and live again by using Neotech to cure the disease of mysticism within his own self."
| Characteristics of a Dying or Dead Psyche (Ralph Nader Type Mystical Mind) |
Characteristics of a Living or Growing Psyche (Ray Kroc Type Business Mind) |
|---|---|
| Envious of others for their achievements, success, happiness, or material well-being. Resents heroes, value producers, and especially great business people and their productive accomplishments. | Envy-free. Admires and encourages individual achievement in self and others. |
| Operates on subjective feelings or wishes. Oriented toward short-range, value-destroying approaches to problems and goals. | Operates on objective principles. Oriented toward long-range, value-producing approaches to problems and goals. |
| Desires the destruction, distribution, or leveling of the wealth, happiness, and well-being earned by others. | Produces tradeable values. Desires a life of achievements and happiness for self and others. |
| Holds anti-individualistic views. Has egalitarian and collectivist desires to seize, destroy, and level values produced by others. | Orients around rational self-interests. Independently fills own needs through production of tradeable values for others. |
| Fears freedom, independence, and competition. Follows external "authorities" in religion and government. | Seeks freedom, independence, and competition. Rejects external "authorities". |
| Praises humble, selfless altruists. Attacks or maligns proud, productive achievers. | Admires and seeks productive achievers. |
| Unhappy with life. Only interludes of short-term happiness. Represses the tragedy of death. Recoils at the possibility of biological immortality. | Happy with life. Only interludes of short-term sadness. Recognizes the tragedy of death. Hails the possibility of human biological immortality as the highest moral goal. |
| Seeks government controls and laws that forcibly restrict and repress individual freedom. | Seeks freedom. Opposes all forms of initiatory force and oppression, especially government force and oppression of the individual. |
| Plagued with anxieties and self-doubts. | At ease and comfortable with self. Increasingly feels joyful life building within his or her physical and emotional self. |
| Holds a cynical or malevolent view of life and people. | Holds a benevolent view of life and people. |
| Life is viewed as unhappy and people as inherently destructive, wicked, or sinful. | Life is viewed as naturally happy, beautiful, exciting. People are viewed as inherently good, valuable, productive. |
| Emotionally and physically experiences life with increasing unhappiness and lethargy. | Experiences life with increasing joy and intensity. |
| Accepts harmful, mystical concepts such as original sin and predestination. | Rejects mystical concepts such as original sin and predestination. |
| Orients around mystical premises and beliefs in God, statism, astrology, the occult. | Orients around honesty and objective reality. |
| Orients around an altruistic, Platonistic philosophy that holds the sacrifice of the individual to "higher" causes as a virtue. | Orients around an Aristotelian/Neo-Tech philosophy that holds the individual as the supreme value in the universe. |
"Zon, do you want to see the list?" But before the wind had a chance to carry the voice of fully integrated honesty, my father answered his own question: "No. You already know what I wrote." Then Zon told my father he is learning well and to keep his checklist, for he would need it to publish in his future writings on Neotech. Zon's voice, still that of a female, carried an unmistakable pitch of pride. Then, Zon went on the point intended for this day:
To let your psyche live or die was a volitional choice made by you alone -- a choice usually made early in life, often in childhood. The tragically unnecessary surrender of the psyche to mysticism and Growth Death took the subconscious form of:
What's the use. Why struggle any more to understand reality or bear the pain and pressure of being honest? I am not going to live by my own mind because the effort and responsibilities are too great. I'll let others think for me. I'll let the authorities tell me what to believe and do. Yes, I'll support their power no matter how dishonest or destructive. I want the easiest, safest way through life. No, I don't want to advance in life by independent, integrated thinking and actions. Instead, I want to be a believer and to follow some 'wiser' authority or 'higher' good. I'll live by the thoughts and feelings of others.
From that point of surrender, although you became more knowledgeable, skillful, and proficient in specific areas, your psyche diminished as overall growth of your mind stopped and turned downward toward death.
This past week you, as could anyone else, decided to countermand that subconscious surrender order and restart psyche growth. If you had not, the quality of your life would continuously decline, always controlled, always pushed or pulled one way or another by outside forces, by the influences of "others".
"Yes!" my father shouted. "This past week I have discovered the power of fully integrated honesty -- it gives me the freedom to make my own decisions in everything. And it feels wonderful to no longer live under the influences of others!"
The "others" represented higher "authorities" you once let control your thoughts, judgments, actions, life rather than using your own mind. Those "higher authorities" included friends, relatives, politicians, bureaucrats, lawyers, social "intellectuals", neocheating university professors, the media, the church, the ruler, and for some people include the Messiah, Allah, cocaine, the Bible, the stars, the state, "society" -- anyone or anything outside the individual's own mind.
People default on the primary responsibility of their minds by letting outside others -- "authorities", neocheaters -- do their thinking and make their decisions. When people default on using their own minds, they lose control of their lives and begin dying as they become controlled by others.
By nature, control through others always contradicts your long-range well-being. Thus, accepting such outside control always begins the process of Growth Death. For no one can experience growth, prosperity, and happiness while under control of others.
Through honest thinking and sustained efforts, you can self-heal and strengthen your mind. Anyone can through Neotech. Through such self-healing, you retake control of life and reverse that mind atrophy caused by mysticism. On healing your mind, the future once again promises boundless prosperity, growth, love, and happiness. Your psyche will experience anew an exhilarating freedom and control over reality, perhaps for the first time since early childhood.
Like you, before you heard the voice of fully integrated honesty, most people have defaulted, at least partially, on the independent use of their minds. By abandoning any part of their minds to "others", including psychologists in many cases, they diminish their means to prosperity and happiness. Yet, through Neotech, the potential is always available to rescue one's self from mysticism and its external "authorities". By nature, the self-rescue of one's own mind from mysticism must be an act of self-responsibility free from external "authority".
Few people choose to resurrect themselves from Psyche Death and Growth Death. Those who have surrendered usually rationalize their deteriorating self and shrinking potential as a natural, biological aging process. Growth Death may be common, but is neither natural nor necessary. Furthermore, rebirth of a dying mind or psyche is not only possible but quite easy for anyone possessing Neotech knowledge.
Neotech leads the way to mental health by self-curing the disease of mysticism. ...And without mysticism to manipulate others, the neocheaters are powerless.
"But how do I do that? How do I cure the disease of mysticism in myself?" my father asked.
How to do that? Developing accurate awareness of self and reality through honest, integrated thinking is the prime responsibility for all human beings. In fact, such awareness is a necessity to live prosperously and happily. That awareness is available to those who exert constant, rational thinking efforts toward understanding self and reality -- and the relationship between the two. No one can deliver that understanding to another. Indeed, developing an accurate understanding of self and reality is a crucial self-responsibility for personal power.
Mystics struggle to avoid that constant, rational thinking effort needed to honestly and accurately integrate one's life with objective reality. That honest understanding and integration of reality is the key to competence and prosperity in a competitive world. But losers and mystics seek anyone or anything promising to deliver prepackaged knowledge that lets them avoid the hard work required to develop their own integrated knowledge and awareness. That is why mystics embrace such quackeries as astrology, psychic readings, graphoanalysis, biorhythms, most psychoanalysis, fortune telling, or any other flimflam that deludes them with a sense of gaining effortless knowledge, awareness, control. By accepting such specious awarenesses conjured up by others, a person keeps drifting further from reality, becoming increasingly unaware, unhappy, and incompetent while rationalizing the opposite.
Acquiring integrated awareness, competence, and happiness is a self-responsibility that no one else can deliver. No one can deliver awareness and happiness to you because no other person is in a position to:
For any "authority" to have an integrated awareness of another person is impossible. No matter how complete or scientific looking -- for example, computer printouts of horoscopes or biorhythms -- any such outside self-awareness analysis is invalid and mystical. And any seeming validity of such "self-awareness" packages is a specious illusion. Such illusions lead you further away from an awareness of reality and deeper into the stupidity of mysticism -- the disease that undermines all human life and love.
Your own choices, not your environment, control your destiny. Except for natural catastrophe or brute-force totalitarianism, the forces of nature and social environment when pitted against the rational conscious mind have little or no influence over your long-range future.
For you to allow your future to be influenced by even the most direct and powerful forces of nature -- such as the weather, the wind, the rain -- would be to relegate the potency of your mind and actions to a low position indeed. But to assert, as astrologers do, that the faintest forces in nature -- the celestial forces from outer space can influence human beings and their minds is to relegate the human mind to a most inept position. To view the human mind as being that feeble or impotent, even though the view may be only subconscious or implicit, undermines a person's confidence and self-esteem. The human mind, along with the choices made through your life, controls the life and future of a productive person...unless government or religious forces directly cripple or destroy that person.
Entirely different from such astrology-like fake "awarenesses" through mysticism is the awareness arising from the mutual mirroring of character and personal qualities between yourself and a friend or romantic-love partner. Such mirroring genuinely enhances self-awareness, communication, and pleasure especially between romantic-love partners. That reflecting of a person's character and qualities is based on direct, intimate knowledge of that person. Such honest, valuable reflections differ profoundly from fake ego-stroking awareness packages mystically reflecting personal character and exciting qualities based on nothing but self indulgence.
As with happiness, self-awareness cannot be given from one person to another. But by reflecting personal values, you can enhance another person's self-awareness in a similar way that you can enhance another person's happiness.
"Such as you have done to me more than once. Again, thank you Zon. Since you spoke to me, I have become much more aware of myself and my strengths and qualities," my father said. "Also, my woman is amazing. I'm able to express myself privately to her, and she helps me understand what I am going through with both the elation in my life, which is you Zon, and with the tribulation in my life, which is my ongoing battle with the government because of the IRS."
A strong emotion felt by highly productive men is the desire for a peaceful core to counterbalance their aggressively assertive lives. That desire usually relates to a woman with whom such a man is free to retreat from his battlefield actions to experience peaceful love, tenderness, serenity. For only during that precious time is he free to fully expose and share his soul exclusively with another human being -- his woman. During those moments, that woman becomes to him the supreme value in all the universe. ...Now, my friend, you are discovering the immeasurably greater value of a psychous relationship over a casual-sex relationship.
Ironically, the strongest, most productive, independent men have the greatest need and capacity to receive a woman's love, support, and tenderness. Tragically, however, many such men never recognize or admit, even to themselves, that supremely important emotional need and pleasure. Similarly, strong men often never admit to other emotional needs such as being free to cry when suffering great sadness or pain. ...A man crying has been erroneously viewed as a weakness or unmanly.
Many women are unaware of the need in productive men for a peaceful, private world containing a one-woman love. But women who understand that need hold a key for delivering powerful values and happiness to their men and to themselves. Understanding and filling the need for a peaceful, reflective core in aggressively productive men is among the most powerful of all binding ingredients in romantic-love relationships.
Now, let me encourage your very productive, growth path this past year. As you are discovering first hand, from the production of competitive values all other values grow, including prosperity, self-esteem, psychological well-being, romantic love, and abiding happiness. Furthermore, competitive, tangible, and material values are important building blocks and binding ingredients of conscious relationships, especially business, friendship, and romantic-love relationships. All professional mystics and neocheaters desperately try to deny the cardinal role of producing competitive values in living happily and in gaining romantic love. But only through the exchange of such values can personal relationships become fully integrated: From an exchange of tangible and material values, a far greater stability, intensity of love, and abiding happiness can develop than is possible from a relationship consisting only of abstract values.
Tangible values in a romantic-love relationship directly affect sexuality. For, exchanges of tangible values markedly increase sexual intensity and psychuous pleasure.
My father stopped the mountain and said, "I'm falling in love, and as I've said, I really want to do everything right this time. Can you elaborate in detail about this value exchange? It seems to be a key to a good relationship and great sex."
Abstract values are the crucial ingredient for initiating, establishing, and maintaining a friendship or a romantic-love relationship. However, tangible and material values combined with abstract values are the variables that cause psychuous pleasures and happiness to ignite and then grow constantly. Both love and deep friendship relationships require a base of abstract values to start. But the production of tangible and material values is necessary for moving a relationship into unlimited growth and high-gear happiness.
Abstract values delivered from one person to another person in friendship or love relationships include: psychologically valuable reflections, philosophically valuable reflections, reflections of each other's values, analytical feedback of thoughts and ideas, mirroring of personal worth, values, and ideas. Tangible and material values include: practical contributions to increasing the efficacy and productivity of the other, practical contributions to reducing or eliminating value-destroying and time-wasting problems and errors inside and outside the relationship, practical contributions to producing tangible and material values to one's self and the other, practical contributions to providing tangible and material values to the other.
Without value-generating interactions, two people are of little direct value to each other -- at least no more value that any two random people might be to each other. Valuable human relationships evolve when two people deliver objective values to one another. That exchange of values measures the value of a relationship.
Aside from the intrinsic value of human life that exists among all people, a person is not a value to others by merely existing. Instead, a person must deliver competitive values to be a value to others and society. Otherwise, that person will be a drain on others and a disvalue to society. And a person must continue delivering values to be a continuing value. Moreover, one must continue adding new values to existing values to experience value growth within one's self and within a relationship. Value growth is a self-created, pyramiding process that requires rational thought and constant effort to sustain. Such a growth process is the essence of human living. For value growth fills life's needs and delivers life's major rewards -- abiding prosperity, romantic love, and happiness.
To fully experience life and sustain value growth requires continuous thought and effort. The need for value growth is not someone's philosophical theory or ethic. That need is an integral part of reality: Constant value growth is required for the conscious organism to function properly. A person makes a disastrous error by failing to put forth the honest, integrated thought and rational effort needed to produce growing, competitive values for others.
Tragically, most people choose to stop their growth early in life. Many stop in childhood -- soon after exerting that mighty learning effort required to read and write. When they stop exerting that effort, they stop growing. The quality of their lives then declines until physical death. ...Without growth, a person cannot experience abiding prosperity, happiness, and psychuous pleasures. Without growth, a person misses the point of conscious life. Without growth, a person dies.
Growth Death is a great, unnecessary tragedy. It never has to happen to anyone; it is imposed on no one. Growth Death occurs only when the victim chooses to avoid the integrated thought and rational effort required to produce and deliver net, competitive values to others. When Growth Death occurs, then all value-based friendships and love relationships stop growing and begin to die.
Now, listen intensely, for I'm going to give you other deep insights about love and then come back around again to value exchange: Both romantic-love relationships and friendships can involve deep psychological and philosophical interactions. But the distinguishing characteristic of a romantic-love relationship is its physical-sexual sharing. That sexual sharing, in turn, offers physical and psychological intimacy unobtainable from any other human relationship. ...Those unique physical/psychological intimacies can lead to growing psychuous pleasures.
Friendship is a necessary ingredient of romantic love. Without friendship, no basis for romantic love exists. A romantic-love relationship has all the ingredients of a value-oriented friendship plus the powerful ingredient of physical intimacy and sex. ...Friendship can be more personally intimate and involved than any other human relationship except a romantic-love relationship.
The value of friendships should neither be underestimated nor overestimated. You can achieve unlimited psychuous pleasures and happiness through romantic love alone, without any close friend beyond your love partner. Friendships alone, no matter how valuable or extensive, can never deliver the full spectrum of values and happiness available from a single, friendship-based romantic love.
The following two ingredients will deliver a prosperous, happy life:
In other words, you need only your productive work and a romantic-love partner for a full-range, prosperous, happy life. But productive work is a basic requirement for achieving romantic love. In that sense, productive work is a cause and romantic love is an effect.
Productive work is the basic requirement for human values. And romantic love and psychuous pleasures are the rewards for achieving those values. ...You cannot experience self-esteem, happiness, and romantic love without productive work. But you can experience self-esteem, happiness, and productive work without romantic love.
Friendship can offer great values and pleasurable experiences. Yet, friendships, especially close friendships, can in certain cases drain valuable time needed for high levels of business, creativity, and achievement. In a demanding business or intensely creative work, a person with a valuable romantic-love partner can often reach higher levels of achievement and happiness with few or no other friends. Friendships, moreover, are subject to errors that can turn into liabilities which drain your time, productiveness, efficacy and, thus, happiness. But value-generating, business friendships are generally the happiest, most exciting, most valuable of all relationships, except the romantic-love relationship.
In the end, reality prevails over life. The total experience of every person's life always moves toward justice as reality asserts itself: Productive, rational individuals increasingly gain prosperity, love, and happiness from life. Conversely, unproductive, irrational individuals increasingly lose prosperity, love, and happiness -- no matter what the surface appearances.
"That is a profound thought about life and justice," my father said. "I never saw that connection. It seems to me that values are the key to life and love...and justice. Can you talk more about values and love?"
Abstract values of a friendship are normally not negotiable for tangible and material values. Likewise, tangible and material values normally cannot be converted into abstract values. Occasional exceptions do exist. Exceptions occur mainly in romantic-love relationships because the intense physical/psychological interactions tend to pull abstract values and material values closer together. At times, within a romantic-love relationship, those values can become interrelated. For example, emotional and sexual love provided by one partner can tangibly increase the creative, productive output of the other partner. Likewise, certain tangible values can amplify abstract values. For example, creative and productive accomplishments of one partner can increase the emotional love, sexual exhilaration, and psychuous pleasures of the other partner.
Generally, in a friendship or romantic-love relationship, an exchange of abstract values -- be they healthy, neurotic, or a mixture -- is taken for granted and occurs naturally. In friendship relationships, much of the abstract value interchange consists of open, casual exchanges of ideas and suggestions -- a type of easy two-way communication that often is mutually valuable. Indeed, such exchanges of ideas and suggestions occur in most good conversations between friends or lovers.
Other abstract values exchanged between two people in a valid love or friendship relationship include psychologically pleasing or enhancing reflections, consistent encouragement especially during difficult times, mirroring various psychological values, understanding feedback of the other's thoughts or activities, and the exchange of practical ideas obtained from each person's unique life experiences.
Sometimes abstract values from a friend or love partner can be beneficially integrated into one's personal life to increase awareness, productivity, and happiness. Generally, abstract values are offered freely, without the thought or expectation of material or tangible payment. In a love or a friendship relationship, no one needs to measure or weigh that natural interchange of abstract values. For that exchange is freely taken and given as a natural, pleasurable, expected part of any good relationship.
Thus, abstract values cannot be used to pay for material values. For material values must always be fairly traded. Material values represent irreplaceable segments of a person's life, effort, and time required to earn those values. Every productive human being needs to trade, not give away, his or her produced values in order to survive, grow, and be happy. If material and tangible values are not traded mutually and fairly, then a portion of a person's life is sacrificed to another person at the expense of both people. As a result of that unfairness, both happiness and friendship decline.
Fairly traded, tangible values do not necessarily mean evenly traded, tangible values. Moreover, a highly competent, nonmystical housewife can through integrated thinking and consistent efforts contribute great tangible and material values to her husband's ability to work more efficiently and effectively, thus, generate more values and income. For that, he fairly trades by providing his wife with tangible and material goods.
Those who misunderstand the nature of friendship or romantic love may try to use abstract values as payment for material values. In doing so, they are exploiting their friendship or love relationships. Such people unjustly extract material values from others for the "privilege" of those others being in their presence. They unilaterally deem their abstract values as payment for tangible and material values. That kind of exploitation, aside from being unjust and parasitical, poisons the relationship.
More important, habitual trading of abstract values for tangible values diminishes that person's ability to produce and deliver tangible values. Such unfair trading leaves that person increasingly incompetent and dependent on others for material or tangible values. ...The potential for friendship, romantic love, and happiness is always the greatest among value-producing men and women who fairly trade tangible and material values in their relationships.
"OK, Zon, I have a tough one for you," my dad stood up and said. "I have run into problems with jealousy before, both my own feelings and then hers. How do I handle jealousy this time? I don't want it to creep into this wonderful relationship. What is the mystic-free voice of Zon on this topic...the powerful voice of fully integrated honesty?"
I identify two types of sexual jealousy: good-thought (GT) and bad-thought (BT). Both types are based on the erroneous assumption that you have a claim on your love-partner's life, especially her sex life.
No one can ever really own another person's life, including that person's sex life. Every individual exclusively owns each and every segment of his or her own life. In relationships, people volitionally share, not own, various aspects or segments of each other's lives. In a romantic-love relationship, by nature, many more life experiences are intimately shared and integrated than in other types of human relationships. Also, while certain segments of a person's life can be temporarily rented or hired as in a voluntary employer-employee relationship, no part of a person's life can be actually owned by anyone else.
Feelings of jealousy arise when the unreal presumption of possessing your partner seems challenged. GT jealousy is characterized by the retention of basically good thoughts about your partner, even when pain or anger is generated. Most people can experience various degrees of GT jealousy about their love partners. GT jealousy does not always mean the jealous-reacting partner is insecure or possessive, especially if the jealousy is experienced only as a passing feeling. GT jealousy, even if severely painful, rarely inflicts deep or permanent damage on either partner or the relationship.
Likewise, GT jealousy seldom cuts deeply into the emotions because positive feelings about one's partner dominate the underlying emotions.
BT jealousy, on the other hand, is a destructive, mystical reaction that conjures up, often out of nothing, unjust bad thoughts about one's partner. Those bad thoughts are often well concealed, but insidiously destructive to the emotions of both partners. In contrast to GT jealousy in which good thoughts are retained about one's partner, BT or bad-thought jealousy prevents the jealous partner from knowing, accepting, remembering, or believing the values in the victim partner. Instead, unreal bitterness, cynicism, or malevolence against the victim partner is conjured up by BT jealousy.
Such negative illusions are usually rooted in past experiences not even related to the victim partner. The victim partner usually senses a "bad-person" feedback from the BT jealous person. That causes the victim to respond with increasing puzzlement or astonishment followed by anger, dislike, and a sense of injustice. Those negative emotions usually keep building until they eventually outweigh all the good feelings and values between the partners. At that point, love and the relationship die.
Neotech or fully integrated honesty can overcome both types of jealousy, especially the GT type. BT jealousy is more difficult to overcome because the cause is a cancerous mysticism that becomes deeply rooted in one's emotions. Cognitive-based psychotherapy may help overcome BT jealousy and its destructive effects. Unfortunately, only a minute fraction, if any, in the profession understand mysticism as the prime disease of the human mind and the only disease of human consciousness. The only certain cure is to use mystic-breaking, integrated honesty to self-command all actions. Without that integrated honesty, one will continue reacting destructively to the emotions of jealousy.
Realize, honesty is not automatic. It always requires explicit, conscious effort. Being honest is hard work...very hard work. If, in difficult emotional situations, one is not aware of the concentrated effort required to be honest, that person is probably not being fully honest. At that point, he or she can easily plug into effortless mysticism. For with mysticism, a person can automatically rationalize out-of-context scenarios to avoid the effort required to understand reality and solve one's own problems.
Developing the skills for being honest is neither automatic nor easy. Honesty requires high-effort concentration, discipline, and awareness. Because of the constant effort required to be honest, many people default to mysticism and thus lose the essential tool for solving problems -- the tool for achieving prosperity, power, and happiness. That tool is honesty. ...Many people never grasp or experience integrated honesty.
Fully integrated honesty evolves from the efforts required to be consistently honest. By contrast, mystical dishonesty evolves from self-deceptions and defaults -- from a self-chosen laziness that relegates honesty to a low priority, especially when feelings are involved. ...With mysticism, honesty becomes arbitrary.
"That is a profound thought: being honest is hard work," my father said with a wide-eyed look on his face...like this was one of those moments that would always stay in his memory as a mental videotape.
Indeed, being honest is hard work, especially in difficult emotional situations such as bouts with deep-rooted jealousy. Realize, however, no value judgment can be made on emotions alone. Only the choice to react rationally or irrationally to an emotion can be judged good or bad. The judgments I am making here are based on jealous reactions, not jealous emotions. The choice to act rationally in avoiding a jealous reaction will help dissipate that harmful emotion. But the harmful, irrational choice to react jealously always feeds and amplifies that emotion.
The bad thoughts of BT jealousy along with its hostile, immature possessiveness and obligatory demands become increasingly unreal, unfair, and burdensome to the victim partner. Such jealousy will eventually destroy any love relationship no matter how strong were the original love and values. BT jealousy is an unfair, hostile foisting of one's own personal problems or inadequacies onto the victim partner. The mounting obligatory demands and hostile possessiveness of BT jealousy destroys a love relationship by penalizing the victim partner for the very values he or she offers. In fact, the more values offered, the greater are the penalties -- the greater are the possessive attacks and obligatory demands. Indeed, BT jealousy, immature possessiveness, and obligatory demands not only rest on mystically unreal premises, but are always unjust since the victim is penalized to the extent he or she offers values to the jealous partner.
The jealous partner ignores the free-choice position necessary to build a healthy, permanent romantic-love relationship. The jealous partner accepts the false idea that outside relationships or associations are by nature threatening. Furthermore, the jealous partner erroneously judges his or her partner in terms of unrelated, outside experiences and relationships rather than in terms of their own relationship.
Through mysticism, jealousy destroys values by focusing on what is not given or what is not available...while ignoring, abusing, tearing down, or destroying what is given or is available. Through Neotech, the non-mystic appreciates and focuses on what values are given or are available and then builds from that position -- and only from that position.
"Testing" is simply another form of jealousy in which one partner translates his or her insecurity into testing the victim partner for proof of love or fidelity. Such "testing" is unfair, immature, and continually escalates until the values of a relationship are destroyed.
"Zon, I once loved a woman who was a prisoner to bad-thought jealousy, which I did not understand at the time, but was the reason I never married her. I loved her very, very much, but she systematically destroyed that love. Often, I felt as if she wanted to destroy me."
BT jealousy will eventually destroy even the deepest love relationships. Jealousy gradually poisons the friendship aspects of love. Once that friendship is gone, no link remains to hold together the nonsexual aspects of the relationship.
Within the person projecting bad-thought jealousy, a bitter core of poisonous emotions develops, although often initially hidden. That core increasingly releases bad feelings toward the victim partner which, in turn, unfairly diminishes the victim's freedom and happiness. Recognizing the presence of that poison core is the first step in keeping BT jealousy from destroying a relationship. But once that core is formed, freeing oneself from its destructive effects is difficult.
The problem of BT jealousy cannot be wished away. For the poison core usually develops from mystical defaults deep within the jealous partner's subconscious. Unless identified and removed, that poison core will dissolve the pleasure, happiness, and love in any romantic relationship.
Such a poison core generates hostile actions that are often subtle and unrecognized at first. But that jealous partner increasingly takes unjust advantage of the victim partner's innocence, values, love, and goodwill. Such injustice constantly wounds the victim partner and will eventually destroy all love and friendship. Unlike the nonjealous lover who usually experiences pain whenever his loved one is in pain, the BT jealous lover will often gain a satisfying sense of security on being able to inflict pain on the victim partner. That malevolence of BT jealousy eventually negates any value of the relationship.
A person should avoid listening to false accusations or unjust innuendos leveled against oneself or others by a jealous, envious, or gossipy person. Even though the conscious mind can reject known false charges, such accusations still enter nonanalytical pockets of the subconscious mind. That, in turn, causes subsequent emotions to automatically reflect negative feelings toward oneself or the person being falsely accused. A person is helpless in avoiding those unjust, harmful, subconscious reactions. Likewise, a person is essentially powerless to avoid the guilt or bad feelings resulting from false implications coming from a BT jealous partner. As long as that relationship continues, the jealous partner can increasingly inflict psychic damage within the victim's subconscious. The victim partner suffers damage proportional to his or her exposure to the poison core of a BT jealous partner. Usually the only release from that damage is for the victim partner to terminate that harmful relationship, as you did.
By contrast, a mystic-free Neotech partner will ask: "Do not judge me on your feelings, wishes, imagination, or what others say. Judge me by what you know about my character, deeds, and actions. And I will always grant you the same."
"Sometimes I feel anxiety about getting old," my father confessed, changing the subject. "I guess I love my life so much and love my children, seeing them grow up so fast, and I'm still looking for love. What do you make of those anxieties?"
As people grow older, their views of life often grow increasingly negative. Their hopes and dreams often turn into disillusions. On aging, such people gradually lose the capacity to experience the joy inherent in life. Their anticipation of life continually diminishes as their used-up, shrinking futures become evident and the inevitability of death draws closer. ...But Neotech reverses that dying process by allowing life and happiness to grow with age and experience.
In the upsidedown, mystical death-oriented world, increasing age becomes an increasing liability on each individual. In that mystical world, "It is better to be young than old". But in the Neotech life-oriented world, increasing age becomes an increasing asset of growth, knowledge, experience, especially as mystic-free businesses develop commercial, non-aging biological immortality.
Age is no factor in achieving psychuous pleasures, except for the possible lack-of-knowledge limitations of adolescent sex. Moreover, psychuous pleasures can continually increase with age as one widens his or her values, knowledge, and experience. In building psychuous pleasures, a person's psychological growth can far outweigh so-called physical aging effects. Emotional and physical pleasures as well as prosperity and happiness can increase indefinitely for any honest, productive individual applying Neotech knowledge.
For most people, both sexual and nonsexual pleasures unnecessarily diminish with age. Negative philosophical and psychological changes occur as their futures fade and their spans of remaining years shrink. They despair and become sour with age while increasingly surrendering to the mystics' come-to-God or waiting-for-death attitudes. They surrender to the altruistic myth that older people should sacrifice themselves, their careers, their lives to "make room" for youth. With that surrender, a person's happiness fades.
Despite what many physicians erroneously advise, no mystic-free, productive person has to decline in physical, mental, or sexual activity with age. All mystic-free, productive people can experience increasing happiness and quality of life with age caused by increasing knowledge, growth, and experience: By applying the Neotech/Psychuous concepts, one can not only avoid the unnecessary, mystical decline toward death, but can continually elevate his or her quality of life and psychuous growth through increasing knowledge and experience.
Sex never renews itself spontaneously. Left unattended, sex gradually diminishes in both quality and value. But with Neotech, the quality and value of sex is continuously renewed and expanded by constantly investing conscious thought and effort into further developing personal values and earned power. The Neotech/Psychuous concepts allow never-aging growth on all levels of conscious human life -- on physiological, psychological, and philosophical levels. ...In a Neotech civilization, one need not age, lose values...or die.
That evening at home, my father looked up from the book he was reading and said, "What did Zon mean when she said that in a Neotech civilization, one need not age, lose values...or die?"
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