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DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE - 3 OF 4

If You Are Wrong, Admit It
None of us like to admit that we were wrong. Maybe that is why we are so disarmed when someone actually admits to us that they made a mistake, did something wrong, or failed to do something they should have done. If in the course of the difficult person's outburst - as you sit or stand there recording the facts - you suddenly realize they're right about a point or two, wait until they calm down, then admit your error, apologize, and state what you are prepared to do to correct the error. Say, "You're perfectly right. I didn't . . . I'm sorry. Suppose I . . . would that help to set things right?" You'll be surprised at their reaction and, perhaps, their begrudging admiration. Plus, when you are wrong and admit it, you put an end to at least that part of the argument.

Empathize
Even if you are not wrong, try to empathize with their feelings.  Try to put yourself in their shoes. Perhaps relate what they must be feeling to how you have felt. Often, people who are angry, upset, or chronically complaining about one thing or another feel frustrated and that they lack control over the situation. Let them know you understand how they are probably feeling. Say something like, "I understand how frustrating it is when . . . I've experienced similar situations myself and I know how I felt."  Of course, you have to be honest about the situation. Have you really encountered a similar problem? How did you really feel? Don't make up a situation and don't launch into a lengthy discussion of your problem or what happened to you. Your purpose in expressing sympathy is only to establish some common ground of feeling so that you can move on to problem solving.

Be Assertive
In dealing with difficult people, you don't have to just take it.  You have a right to express your point of view, and you should do so. First, listen to what they have to say. Let them "run down." Admit mistakes you may have made and offer to correct them.  Empathize with their feelings. Then state how you feel or think.  However, don't argue with what they said or criticize them.  Just state your views clearly and firmly. For example, say, "I know you think we should... but I disagree." You aren't challenging them or belittling their opinion. You are just stating your opinion. If you do happen to agree with them on certain points, say so. Say, "I agree that we... however, I don't agree that..." Make your statements short, simple, and to the point. Asserting yourself and making your opinions clear are particularly important if you are dealing with a bully or know-it-all. With them, any hesitation on your part will be seen by them as a weakness to be exploited.  With a bully or know-it-all, you have to be firm.

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