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DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE - 4 OF 4
Get Them to Focus on Solving the Problem
Eventually, you need to get to problem solving. If your difficult person is a chronic complainer, you want to get beyond the complaints to some type of action. If you are dealing with an irate customer, you want to calm the situation and move to a resolution that will work for you and the customer. As you move to problem solving, be sure to involve the difficult people in the process. First, get their agreement on the real problem. Say, "As I understand it, we have agreed that the problem is . . . do you agree?" Once you have reached agreement on the problem, ask them for a suggested resolution. Say, "What do you think should be done?" All too often, difficult people - particularly chronic complainers - will try to dump their problems on you. Don't let them. Get them to participate in finding a resolution. If you don't agree with a solution they propose, present an alternative. Say, "I wouldn't be comfortable with doing that. But what if we ... how would you feel about that?" If they propose a solution and you can agree in part, say so. Try to build upon common ground by pointing out where there is agreement about a desired end result or steps toward a solution. Then seek to resolve those points where you are still in disagreement. If you can't reach an immediate solution, try at least to continually narrow the gap until remaining areas of disagreement are trivial. Say, "We agree that what needs to happen is . . . we also agree that . . . where I see us disagreeing is . . . how do you think we can resolve that?"
A Note of Caution
Rarely do difficult people become violent. They may be exasperating and irritating, but rarely will they do anyone physical harm. Yet it is possible for a disagreement, argument, or confrontation to suddenly accelerate out of control. And unfortunately, stresses people face day-to-day may cause them to act irrationally occasionally. Since there is always the remote possibility that a difficult situation may become a dangerous situation, it is doubly important for you to stay in control. If, for any reason you are uncomfortable dealing with a difficult person alone or behind closed doors, don't do it. Have someone you trust join you or, if you must, deal with the difficult person within sight of a public area. If you start to deal with a situation and you feel you are losing control or you are uncomfortable with the situation for any reason, end the discussion. Walk away. Just say, "I think we should continue this at a later time," or "I don't think this is the time for either of us to discuss this." Then leave. Just be sure you stay in control and stop anything before it gets out of hand.
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