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Editor's Note
We have included this long testimonial because it shows, in a very human way, many of the challenges, struggles, and changes people can experience while trying to integrate Neo-Tech into their lives. At the same time, this testimonial demonstrates a wide variety of values to be captured from Neo-Tech/Zonpower. If at times the testimonial seems drawn out, we encourage you to continue, for nuggets of insight are scattered throughout.
Dear John,
This is how it was for me -- I left school in 1971, I was only 15 years old with no qualifications, but that didn't bother me in the slightest. When I left school I was a bit like a horse that had been tied up for a long time, then released into a field.
I've had many jobs since leaving school, all of them leading nowhere, but I didn't care. All I wanted to do was to go out socializing and picking up girls, that's what I thought life was all about. I never gave a thought towards tomorrow. All this fooling around went on until about 1979. Then, I started to take a good look at myself, and ask where I thought I was going. I had become sick and tired of going out all the time spending all my money on booze, etc. Some of my brothers an sisters were in business for themselves and that's what I wanted to do. Mainly, for the reason that I could be in control of myself without having anybody looking over my shoulder -- I hated being told what to do by anybody. To me, it was a bit like having an itch, that I just couldn't reach to scratch.
It was just before 1982 that I quit my specialized job. I just walked out, more or less. But that was no-problem as I was single and had no responsibilities. I became a Market-Trader -- a bit like the candy vendor and his one-cart business. It was the only thing I could do that didn't require large amounts of capital to get going. Looking back, I was as green as grass. The only thing I did know was: "I had to buy something, then sell it for more than I paid for it." Over the first few years I failed several times, running out of money was the main reason. But, I would just go and get casual work so I could get more money together so I could start again. I had to do many soul-destroying jobs but that didn't matter to me, I knew it would only be temporary.
Even at that early stage, I knew one day I was going to make it big because I had a vision of where I was going. Initially, it was very blurred around the edges. But as I got more and more experience, my vision became clearer. It all just seemed to fall into place. I just knew what I had to do, I could see the whole picture so clear, it felt like I was looking into the future. From then on, even though I didn't know it until now, I was integrating (albeit in my own small way). In fact, I was integrating 24 hours a day, almost. It became my whole life and I hardly thought about anything else. I went to sleep thinking about it, I woke up thinking about it, and I sometimes even dreamt about it, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
I just wasn't interested in going out socializing anymore, I had done all that and I knew where it all lead...nowhere! My family, particularly my eldest brother used to call me "boring." But it just went in one ear and out of the other. Even on New-Year's Eve, I just wasn't interested in going out. They thought I was really strange for not wanting social events, or, especially vacation. That's just about all they ever seemed to talk about: `vacations and their days off'. I just couldn't understand, they were in business for themselves, yet, all they ever got excited about was -- going on holiday. As things began to move forward for me, I used to rib them about it. I used to tell them they were lazy. They didn't like that, for they were always going on about how hard they worked, and, how tired they were from it. I just laughed at them. I did feel that I was different than they were. But, that didn't bother me at all. In fact, I was glad I wasn't like them, as far as I was concerned, they were the strange ones, it was them who were boring. My life was beginning to mean something to me for the first time. I knew it had to be hard work and lots of sacrificing in the beginning, but one day, I knew I would be up on top of my mountain looking down on all of them.
From around 1980, I had become a keep-fit fanatic: cycling, running, etc. I was well into it by the time I had started in business. I used to reason that both business and physical exercise walked hand in hand. Especially from a Market-Trader's point of view, it was such a physical job. The exercise allowed me to work 15-18 hours a day and I would never get tired. Whilst working-out, especially while I was running and my body was working in harmony, the only thoughts I had were of my business, it was so therapeutic. It was as if I was working-out not just physically, but mentally too. All this lead up to a point where I was continually on a `natural-high'. I just hated having to go to sleep. I knew I needed sleep, but I felt it was a waste, life was too short as it was, to waste it by sleeping. After about 4-5 hours, my batteries were fully-charged and I was raring to go again, nothing could hold me down.
For a while, this thought kept me bursting into my head, particularly, when I was working-out, that I wanted to `live-forever'. It wasn't just a thought on it's own, but at the same time, I would get a "rush" through my body, a bit like an electric-shock. But, a few seconds later, after I told myself: "Mick, don't' be so stupid, we've all got to die one day" (little did I know, eh?). After continually squashing that thought, it eventually went away and never came back. But I still kept getting the `natural-highs' and I used to revel in them all the time.
I used to reason that I was glad to have to start in business from scratch. I also used to think "I was glad I had to do everything myself to make the business work versus working for a company, and only do the buying, or selling, or whatever, but never more then the one job." I knew I was doing it the right way, as it enabled me to know every last detail of my business all this came out of my own head, I never got it from a book, so you can imagine how surprised and thrilled I was when I read that it was the only way to do things. Somehow, I just knew that I was on the right track. However, the only thing that I didn't do was the book-keeping. I used to get my girlfriend to do them as she was good at that kind of thing. I used to steer-clear of that part of the business, but now I know different. Having said that, I did study the numbers though, and I found them fascinating. I used to like doing nitty-gritty things such as working out how much I was turning-over per square foot, etc, etc. Whenever I had any spare time I always used to study the numbers, it really was like delving into another world.
Not long after having been in business, just out of the blue, I started to get concerned about the amounts of sugar that I was putting in my tea. At the time, I was putting 3 spoons into a mug. It wasn't so much thinking about the 3 spoons at a time, but over say, a week, that was a different story. So I gave up sugar, just like that. I also used to do the football-pools, I gave them up too. I used to reason that I was going to make-it through my own efforts, rather than by some lottery-scheme. I knew that by having to earn it the hard way, that's how money is appreciated and not wasted. Around this time, I used to say that anybody who was guilty of crimes against children should be ostracized. The first time I read about ostracizing people in THE DISCOVERY I was stunned, and, thoroughly pleased with myself at the same time. Except my way was obviously nowhere near as elaborate as I & O's. It was either tattooing or staining their forehead green, or whatever. So if anybody saw someone with that on their head, they would completely ignore them. I knew by doing that, such people would eventually crawl away somewhere and die. Because we all need some form of contact with one another, and if we don't get it, then we will die. I suppose in a way, we are all very much like the universe itself, in that we are all relative to one another, and, we need each other so much to survive.
Not long after I started integrating, things began to fall into place and I was surprised at how easy it had made the work become. I even used to have a kind of power-thinking session. When I got home on a Sunday night, I would sit down and work out all my buying expeditions for the week ahead. I almost knew down to the last penny how much I had to spend. It was around this time that I began to feel the power rising. Eventually, I started to get explosions of ideas in my head. Most of the time they would come when I wasn't thinking about anything in particular. Mostly, it was ideas about how to make my business more efficient and smoother running. Occasionally, I would get ideas of something futuristic, not science-fiction, but something I could set-up in the future when I had more money. But, it was only in my head for a couple of seconds, then it was gone. At the same time, inside my head, it felt like a bomb had exploded, and, I felt a shock-wave rush through me from head to toe. I never thought at the time to try to capture these ideas, they were beginning to happen on a regular basis, so I knew that there would be others to come. I just used to revel in the wave that swept through me. I felt that it was giving me more strength, both physically and mentally, and it was giving me more determination to work even harder.
I was a Market-Trader for 8 years. I have done some hard jobs in my life -- building site labourer etc., but this was the hardest job I had ever done. Especially in the beginning as I had very little to invest, I just had to keep on turning my money over to build up my stock. I never had any salary to speak of, just enough to pay my rent, but that wasn't important. I worked outdoors in the elements, there had been times when I was soaked to the skin, and, in winter, frozen to the bone. When I first started, I had just 40 square foot and one day I only managed to take in [sterling]3.00. But then at the height of my Market-Trading career in 1988, I had grown to 400 square foot, and my stall weighted 2-1/2 tons. My best days takings were almost [sterling]1,400. In December 1988, just before Xmas, in 7 days, I turned over [sterling]2,500. I had over 500 different lines and each one was priced at under [sterling]1. You can imagine how busy it was. But I loved it, I didn't mind how hard it was. In fact, I never really considered it as a job, it was a vocation, I enjoyed it so much.
I felt I was really in business, there would be no stopping me. This is what all the sacrifice had been for, I told myself. It had been so hard to take money in the early days, but since I had begun to integrate, even though I didn't call it that at the time, I just couldn't help taking money, no matter what the weather was like. I would get up on a Saturday morning at about 3 a.m. and drive down to South Wales, sleep in the back of the van, and get back home Sunday night. Sometimes, I would come home with [sterling]2,000. For about 6 years I had almost sweated blood. I had done nothing else but integrated my business with my whole life, nothing else mattered. When times had been hard in the beginning, I had to sell all my gym equipment and my large collection of cassette-tapes, as I was mad about music. But at the time, I didn't care about those things. I knew that one day I could have all the gym equipment and cassette-tapes that I wanted. My business came first, before anything, even before my health, as I had a cyst growing behind my left earlobe and I wouldn't get it sorted until I had got established more. By the time I got it done it was the size of a golf-ball, but it just didn't matter, nothing did, except my business.
Since I have been old enough to think about it, I never wanted to have children, but I felt that my business was my baby. It was my creation, and in the beginning I had to nurture it and protect it. But by 1988, my baby had begun to stand up on it's own two feet (albeit a bit wobbly) without falling over. It was still early days yet, I knew that. I knew that I had a long way to go, and plenty of hard work with it. But I had become much easier to take money and the pace was starting to quicken, like a snowball rolling down a hill, getting bigger with each turn. As I said, I didn't realize that I was integrating until I read about it. I don't dwell on it, but sometime I wonder, if I hadn't turned down Neo-Tech the first time, and had found out all this sooner, I wonder what would have happened? But the thing that I am really happy about the most is -- I have it now.
Market-Trader's in the U.K. have got the reputation of being `fly-by-nights'. A here today gone tomorrow type of image. But not me! On many occasions customer's had given me 2 bank-notes that were stuck together. When I pointed out their mistake, you could see that they were stunned, they couldn't work it out, for they expected to be `ripped-off'. I used to get such a `buzz' from their reaction and I always made an effort to be honest. Hence the reason, I think anyway, that making money became easier and easier for me. Wherever I went, I always used to have regular customer's, I believe, because of my honesty. But, although I was honest, I wasn't 100% honest. I would never rob the man on the street, but I used to think that it was OK to buy, say, stolen goods, or, even insurance fraud. I used to figure that if I didn't, then somebody else would. Even though I didn't deal in that kind of thing at the time, because the opportunity never arose until much later. But in my head I would reckon that it was OK! But not any more! I can now see that you can't switch honesty on and off like a light, just when it suits you.
I would go out of my way to help anybody that was in trouble. One day, just as I was leaving the market, the bloke who had a stall next to me found he had a flat tyre and no jack to lift his van. So, I got my jack out and changed his wheel for him. He kept trying to offer me money for doing it, but I wouldn't take it and kept refusing. You could see the puzzlement in his face -- that somebody would do something for nothing. But the `buss' I got inside, no mere amount of money could buy.
I guess my innocence lead to my downfall. I used to tell myself: "If somebody was in business, then they must be honest, just like I was, or else why would they be in business." In April 1990, I had my legs chopped from underneath me, so to speak, by two neo-cheaters. I didn't see what was happening until it was to late. It had taken me 8 years of blood, sweat, and tears to get where I was. After that, it took about 8 months to finish me off. I lasted until December 1990, but I knew that it was hopeless and I had to pack up in the end. I had tried to keep it together, but I just couldn't. Psychologically I was destroyed. I seemed to have forgotten everything I had learned and I was running around like a headless chicken.
Life became so unbearable. I wanted to commit suicide, but I hadn't the guts, but I did come very close though. I was blaming everybody for what happened to me. I didn't feel like I was in this world, it was like I was on the outside, looking in. I was numb with shock and I just couldn't talk to anybody about it, particularly my family, they just wouldn't have a clue. Whenever I thought about those two neo-cheaters, my stomach would turn in knots and I would feel so much hatred towards them. If they had walked in, right there and then, I think I would have killed them with my bare hands. I even turned against business itself, blaming it for the mess I was in. It was everything and everybody's fault, but my own. I used to think: "If I had the money tomorrow I would never go back into business." My whole life was destroyed. But, what made it worse was the fact that I now owed the bank [sterling]10,000. I had a loan to buy a bigger truck, but it ended up being a dud, it kept breaking down and cost a fortune to keep on the road. In the end, I had to sell the truck at a substantial loss. If I didn't owe the bank, I would have been able to pick myself up and start all over again like I had done before.
It wasn't until I went into business that my life began to have any real meaning, and there it was, screwed up like a piece of paper in front of me and tossed in the bin. The child I had nurtured all those years, was dead. Inside of me, the man who had just begun to emerge, was also dead. I just couldn't help it, but I would break down and cry my eyes out. I cried myself to sleep most nights. I wanted so much to die in my sleep.
As soon as I woke up in the morning, everything would be all right, but a couple of seconds later, the cloud would come down over me again. I just couldn't be bothered to do anything. I lost weight through not eating. I think people were beginning to wonder whether I had cancer, for I used to average around 12-1/2 stone, I went down to 10 stone. I wondered about it myself, but I couldn't care less at the time, I didn't even want to talk, and didn't very much neither.
All I did was sit in front of the television, looking at it, but not watching it. All that was going on in my head was the last 8 years of my life. I know for sure that certain members of my family were so envious of me when I was at my height, but I let them get on with it, after all, it was their problem, not mine. When I went down the drain, some of them were really happy about it, even though they denied it at the time. But I knew they were `jumping-for-joy' inside. They used to try and make me feel worse by telling me to "cheer-up, it's not that bad." ...What did they know about anything: but drinking and vacations?
After a while, I tried to get started again on the market. But this time, I was dealing in stolen goods. The margins were huge, but I couldn't understand why I felt so miserable about what I was doing. I began to tell myself that it just doesn't pay to be honest, as you get nowhere! So, if you can't beat them, why not join them? I'd just tell myself that I had to do something to make a living. For a while during this time, even though I didn't like what I was doing, I got a little bit of my old spark back. I managed to get a site in an indoor-market, only dealing in straight goods this time. Now I was able to work 7 days a week, which I didn't mind at all. After a while, I began to turn-over [sterling]700-[sterling]800 per week. I figured it wouldn't take me long to get back on my feet. But just before Xmas 91, I put my cartilage in my knee out. I was off my feet for about 2 months, so I lost my site and basically that was it.
I went down the drain properly this time. Now I was in a worse position, I still owed the bank, but now I also owed my mother [sterling]3,000. And, all my avenues had dried up. So, there was only one thing left for me to do, and that was to get a job working for somebody else, which really went against the grain after being on my own for so long -- that was like adding insult to injury.
My step-father got me a job in Feb. 92. Are you ready for this? It was in a hostel for the homeless and disadvantaged. At first, it had a bit of a calming effect upon me. Maybe it was the fact that it was regular money and it was a way to pay my creditors. What made it more bearable, was the fact that I was working nights and I was there on my own, without having anybody looking over my shoulder. I didn't feel so bad inside, but deep down, I felt that something wasn't quite right.
On one side of me, there were the people running the hostel (the metaphor that I apply to describe it is the asylum)....the Christians, and on the other side, there were the people funding it ....the Local Council. I was brought up as a Catholic, but it never really got through to me. I always struggled against it. When I was younger, I would ask questions like: "why was the parish priest driving around in a B. M. W.?" or, "Why is the Catholic religion so rich when there is so much poverty in the world, why don't they give some of their money to the poor?" I'd just be met with stupid answers like: "It's not for us to reason why."
After being at the asylum for a while, I began to think differently. I felt that we all had a purpose in life, and, I had just found mine. I began to think "it was Gods will what had happened to me." It was as if he wanted me to do his work. All my life I had questioned the God concept and the answers I would come up with would be on the skeptical side. But now, the answers to the questions were coming down more on the belief side. I could feel I was getting more and more drawn into it. Everything that happened, was always Gods will!
What actually convinced me there was a God
Sometimes, I would borrow my brothers car to go to work. The starter motor used to occasionally get stuck in the fly-wheel. To free it, I would have to put the car in gear and just gently rock it back and forward with my one foot on the ground, then when I had enough momentum going, let the clutch out and the starter used to spring out. One morning when I was leaving the asylum to go home, I went to start the car and found that the starter was stuck. I was parked at the bottom of a slope, almost up against the wall, giving me hardly any room at all to rock it back and forth. At the same time, it was absolutely lashing down with rain and I was getting soaked. I got back into the car and I was beginning to get desperate as I had to move it very soon before the day staff came in, otherwise, I would be blocked in for the rest of the day. So I turned around and said almost in prayer-fashion "please God, if you ever do anything for anybody, please, I beg you to start this car for me. If you do, I will believe in you completely and utterly and I will give the rest of my life to you, and to doing your work." After a couple of attempts of it just clicking, suddenly, the engine just burst into life. I was stunned, almost to the point of paralysis.
From that point onwards, I really turned toward God. Anytime I felt my belief weakening, I would go back to that moment in my head and that would reinforce my belief again. Anything I did from then on, would be Gods work! I rationalized if I sacrifice my life to God now, I would be rewarded in heaven (it seems funny to me now, John, but looking back, I can see that I was falling for it hook, line, and sinker). Every night before going to sleep, I would say my prayers. Also, I had begun to read the Bible everyday. I also got into reading a newspaper that was going around the place, which depicted all the apparitions of "Our Lady' around the world, I was really getting into it more and more.
But I felt that I was dying inside, I could really feel it. I was becoming more and more disillusioned with what was happening in this country, and especially the world, regarding corruption and crime. I used to look specifically for the bad news and I would revel in the misery. I just hated everything, and everybody, I just wanted to die. But mostly, I hated myself. What made it worse, I was going around acting as if everything was OK! I was simply living a lie and that's what hurt the most. All the while, I was telling myself the `second-coming' was soon going to happen, so I didn't care what happened to me, or how painful life had become.
But, looking back, fortunately, I wasn't completely 100% overwhelmed. They used to ask me to join in their prayers, but I always used to make some excuse as to why I didn't want to, but something inside me told me not to. Somehow, it just didn't feel right to go and start praying with them, even though I used to pray everyday on my own.
I started to go out with a girl from the asylum in Aug. 92. Initially, we got on like a `house-on-fire', and in many ways she cheered me up. Sex was great too, especially after having abstained for about 3 years (having been so depressed that sex was the last thing on my mind). Just before Xmas of 92, I told my girlfriend that my life was going to change in April 93. I didn't know how, or why, or anything, I just knew, somehow, something was going to happen to change it. Though, what I had in mind is that I would win the football-pools.
A couple of weeks before the details came through my door, I had begun to think about Neo-Tech a lot. Mainly, I was thinking that I should have taken up the offer that first time, and, if ever I got the opportunity to do so again, I wouldn't let it slip through my fingers. Even that first time I felt that there was something different about Neo-Tech, but I didn't realize how much, until now. As soon as I saw that clear plastic envelope with the paper inside, even though the last time I had seen it was about 6 or 7 years ago, I knew immediately what it was and my heart skipped a beat. Though, what I was really so `knocked-out' about was that I had been thinking about it so much recently, then suddenly it drops through my mail-box. But since getting into Neo-Tech more and more, I've come to the conclusion that it's not such a `big deal' after all. I should imagine it's got something to do with GRAVITY-UNITS perhaps. Or, maybe there is so much energy emitting from I & O, that whoever processed my name was operating with such intensity, that somehow I picked up on it. I'm sure that it's something along those lines, rather than the mystical explanation I had in my head originally.
As I said before, if I had the chance to obtain Neo-Tech again, I wouldn't miss it this time. But two things made me act even quicker were: 1) The fact that you said you had contacted me once before and wouldn't do so again. 2) The insert, about where governments had tried to stop the publication of Neo-Tech. I guess I have always been a bit of a rebel all my life, so when I read that, I was even more interested. I now realize why I didn't take up the offer originally. I was very intrigued by it all. I was a bit surprised at the time about it being so expensive, but that wasn't the deciding factor. Basically, I remember thinking at the time "I thought it had mystical connections and it was a short-cut". At that time, I didn't want no short-cuts, I knew I had to start from the very bottom where it was going to be hardest, that way, I would learn and never forget. I had bought other mail-order books before and most of them had left me more bewildered. Also, at the time, I was beginning to do quite well, so I didn't need anybody telling me "how-to". I suppose in a way, without realizing it, I was shunning external-authority. I remember thinking "I could do it on my own without any body's help". It wasn't a pig-ignorant attitude that I had developed, I just felt I needed to learn for myself. I still had the feeling the second time that Neo-Tech was something mystical, and a short-cut. But this time, I wanted a short-cut, I had had enough of working hard, as far as I was concerned, working hard was just a "mugs-game".
It was such a good idea being able to send our own currency, it's so easy to keep putting off until tomorrow before going to the bank, and sometimes, tomorrow never comes. I figured it would take about 28 days to receive my package, then I would be rich. Everyday I took the details out and read them. But, I just couldn't understand "What was happening in cards today, happens in the real world tomorrow." In actual fact, I couldn't understand any of it. All I knew was: I wanted to be rich, I was sick and tired of being skint all the time. I could feel a strange force emanating from those few pages. All I had in the world was [sterling]100, but I knew that it was right to spend half of it on Neo-Tech. All day and everyday, almost, I thought of nothing else but Neo-Tech. What was it? I still just couldn't get away from the mystical angle, more of a "magic-wand", so to speak. What made me think that it was something to do with mysticism was "the invisible cheating at cards." I also had other thoughts about whether I would receive anything for my money at all, I couldn't stop thinking that neither.
I was beginning to get a bit concerned as the weeks went by and I hadn't heard anything. On the 28th day, I received a letter of confirmation. It certainly put my mind to rest about being `ripped-off'. But then after reading that delivery would take 6-8 weeks, the waiting was even worse, in fact, it was excruciating. Everyday I read those details, and the more I read, the more confused I became. How could I make a fortune at cards? How could I control others? That's all I ever seemed to think about. I had a diary, and as each day passed I would tick it off -- I was in agony! As each day went by it got worse.
Finally, 79 days after sending off my money I received my package. I dashed off to my bedroom where I could be in private. I opened it slowly, almost with trembling hands. This is what I had been waiting for, now I was going to be rich. The first thing I did was to flick through it from back to front, looking for that `magic-word', phrase, or sentence that was going to make me rich and able to control other people. I thought if I could pluck out that part, it would save me from having to read the whole book. After I had calmed down, I realized that this approach wasn't going to work. I knew there was no other way, I would just have to read it from beginning to end, then, I would be rich and able to control others.
The first reading I could hardly understand any of it, especially some of the words: symbiotic, egalitarian and many more. I just hadn't got a clue as to what they meant. I didn't have a dictionary, so most of the information went right over my head, except for two concepts. 1) ADVANTAGE #88 about the upper hierarchy of the Catholic Church being closet atheists. I just sat there with my mouth agape when I read that. That certainly didn't go over my head, it hit me straight between the eyes. 2) ADVANTAGE #54 about the Don Juan sex. Years ago, I had two girlfriends on the go at the same time, but they were purely sex. One night, I was out and I met another girl at a club. We went back to her house and I spent the night with her. I never even got to know her name. The next day, I just couldn't understand why I felt so miserable. I thought to myself "I should be on top of the world, this is what life is all about -- getting into girls knickers". But, I felt lousy. At the time, I put it down to having had too much to drink and having a bit of a hangover. It all came back to me when I was reading that concept, like I was living it all over again, it had all become so clear to me.
However, when I had finished reading the whole book, I was more confused then when I started. "How was this going to make me rich?" Boy, was I depressed! Not only had I wasted [sterling]50.00, but now I realized that I was in the middle of a huge hoax and I never felt so bad in all my life. I chucked the book in the back of the cupboard. Yet, I couldn't stop thinking about some of the things that I had read, particularly the Don Juan piece. I left it in the cupboard for about 2 weeks, yet I was still thinking about it (I don't think I thought about anything else). I felt like I was being pulled apart, like there was a war going on inside of me.
I decided to have another look at it. But this time, I was going to get a dictionary and find out what all those words meant. This I did, and the second time it made more sense. From the second reading, the intensity, or excitement (that's the best way to describe it) started to build and it reached a point where I just couldn't put it down. I used to take it to the asylum with me, and when they were all in bed, I was able to read for about 4 hours, it was sheer bliss. I still couldn't understand a lot of it, but slowly and surely, bits started to sink in.
I was really shocked about the God concept though. Although I struggled against religion in general, I used to believe that God existed. It took about 2 weeks of continuously thinking about it before I could let it go. To tell you the truth, I was a bit frightened in the beginning. I even tried to tell myself that Neo-Tech was the hoax, not God. But, that only lasted about 2 seconds. I knew right down to my marrow that Neo-Tech wasn't the hoax. I went out and bought Julian Jaynes book. Not because I needed more persuading, but purely out of interest. Reading Jaynes book made everything `crystal-clear'. From then on, I never gave a thought to all the God rubbish.
When I first started to understand mysticism, I thought I wasn't suffering very much from it. The only mysticism that I reckoned I had was the God aspect and smoking. How wrong I was! It has taken a year to begin sorting myself out. I must have been really screwed-up. Looking back, I can't believe I am the same person.
I often wondered where all my good ideas had gone. Why didn't I get any anymore? I thought that you only get one shot at it and if you mess that up, that's your lot! Something along the lines of your youth, once it's past, then it's gone. Occasionally, I would get a thought that I wanted to try something again, my next thought would be "what though?" Then I would think "don't bother, it will only end in tears again!" Eventually, all I could think about was dying.
It's amazing really, I can see so much of everybody and everything described in THE DISCOVERY around me. Especially my family, they've got it all: jealousy, envy, hatred, and that's only about each other. They almost conduct their lives to what's said in their horoscopes. I've certainly got plenty of guinea-pigs to study. I know what you are saying about not owing anybody anything, no matter who it is, even family. I used to feel so guilty and think it was wrong to think along those lines. Also, those shaking collection cans, now it's easy to walk by and not feel the slightest bit guilty.
The newspapers over here are full of stories about what `so-n-so' is doing for charity. And most are accompanied by a big picture, it's almost on every page. They are really pushing their altruism hard over here, trying to foist guilt onto everyone. Now, under the guise of `the environment', they are trying to make people feel guilty about driving cars to work. I am so fortunate that I know what is going on. If I didn't, I'm sure my life would be so miserable it wouldn't be worth living. People in this country, particularly the pensioner's, are living in fear of their lives. People who don't know what's going on, think there is no-hope, that all is lost. It's such a shame that decent people are treated this way.
After reading THE DISCOVERY a couple of times, I decided to tell my girlfriend what I was reading. I tried to explain it the best I could, she seemed quite interested and asked me to loan the book to her. I also told her all about I & O's policy: `won't just sell to anybody'. She turned around and said "I bet they are just saying that, once they see the colour of your money they soon would". Inside I felt she had made a personal attack on me, like as if she had stuck a knife into my back.
She put the book in the cupboard beside her bed, and that's where it stayed. Whenever I asked if she had started to read it, it was always the same excuse, "I haven't had time." This went on for a couple of months and I started to get a bit fed up. Besides, I wanted to read it again as I needed another `fix', so to speak. So, eventually I took it back.
I felt at that time we had come to a crossroads in our relationship, she had walked down one road and I had walked down the other. Every time I spoke about building an empire, I was met with a kind of a frown. She was also beginning to become more and more possessive, thought at first, it can be a bit flattering. We lasted for a few months after that, then we parted. I was really sorry at the time. Looking back, I'm glad that we finished. I can now see we couldn't have gone very far together.
I thought it was a great idea to publish other peoples letters in THE DISCOVERY. I just couldn't help but admire some that were really entrenched in the God concept. But especially one or two of them that were into drugs. I had been smoking dope for many years, and I was really getting into it heavy over the last few, especially since I went down the drain. Everyday I would get `high' but I used to tell myself that it was OK! I was only happy when I was `high', for I could then blot out what had happened to me. But the next morning I would pay the price. My face would be all puffy and bags under my eyes and I used to feel miserable. I can now see the effect it was having on my self-esteem. I think I could then, but, I couldn't care less. It's taken me ages to get off smoking dope, but the last time I indulged was new-Year 94. I knew if I didn't stop, nothing would change for me. I must have spent a fortune on it over the years. I still occasionally get a voice in my head telling me to go and get some, but I just think about Neo-Tech and it goes away. I'm on a good run now without it and I don't want to spoil it. Things are just beginning to wake up for me, at last. Besides, my self-esteem is still very fragile and if I were to have a joint now, it would soon be back down to basement level. Anyway, I'm starting to get the makings of `natural-highs' and they are much better than any other type. My senses seem to be waking up. Sometimes, I feel myself just breaking into a smile for no reason at all and it feels really good.
Over the years I could see a change in society. What the media was churning out, changed also. All it ever seemed to portray was: war, suffering and pain. All it ever talked about was: health this, and health that. Now it talks about cancer on a par with the common cold. People have just become indifferent towards it. Years ago, if you heard somebody died of cancer, you would be shocked rigid. People now, just shrug their shoulders, almost. I could see people everywhere were being conditioned, but they just couldn't see it.
It's absolutely incredible what has been done to people over the years and nobody could see what has been going on. But what makes it worse is the people who have done all the damage are those that everybody is looking up to. Sometimes when I hear people going on about God and crap like that, I feel I would like to give them a good shake. I was so relieved when I found out The Truth. I felt a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I got such a `buzz' from that, especially when I realized I was on the right track after all. Since reading THE DISCOVERY and finding out the `whole-truth', I lost the need to diligently read the papers. I still look through them, but mainly to see what all the neo-cheaters are up to. Just one of the wonderful things about Neo-Tech, is being able to identify neo-cheaters as soon as they open their mouths. But even more important, it's so easy to ignore what they are saying. I just can't wait until the day when everybody can see their cruel hoax.
I sent off my order for COSMIC POWER (PINCER 2). I was so enthralled by it all, but especially BOOK 1. I particularly loved the attacks upon the neo-cheaters, I always seem to get a warm feeling in my stomach when I read about them. So when I got to the attack upon Interpol, I was almost in ecstasy, I loved it. I read it over and over again, it felt a bit like I was on a roller-coaster. It was sheer poetry to me, I couldn't get enough. The whole of BOOK 1 was great, and was another brick in the wall, so to speak, in making things a bit clearer to me. I don't know what has happened to me since I went down the drain. I used to be the kind of bloke that was be able to pick things up quite quickly, but I had to read BOOK 1 about 4 times before I actually realized what the ULTIMATE WEAPON was. But each time I read it, and the same with THE DISCOVERY, I would notice something that I hadn't seen before. Until it finally dawned on me, the ULTIMATE WEAPON was DTC.
BOOK 2: The first time I read SELF-CAPTURE, I felt really excited and wanted to try it out. But then I found myself making excuses as to why it wouldn't work for me. First, I just couldn't use it in the occupation I was in, and I couldn't think of any projects that I could get involved in. But also, another excuse was because I worked nights, and some nights I was at home and some I wasn't. Those excuses went on for a couple of months, and again, inside me was like a tug-of-war. I wanted to do something, but I just couldn't get past the excuses.
What I had to do was to apply some mini-days just to my personal life only. One of my mini-days was an exercise one. Over the last few years, I got fat around the middle and I became terribly lazy. In my mind I was fully aware what was happening to me. Once or twice I had tried to start again but I just couldn't get the motivation going and I gave up, accepting what was happening to me and just thinking "so-what!" I was getting old and fat and my body was getting soft. When I first started getting into THE DISCOVERY, I could feel the old motivations swirling around in my head. That was one of the first things to come back to me: To get back into shape! So, I started to work-out again. I lasted much longer this times, but I lapsed again. Well, it hurt so much, and it was such hard work, those were my excuses. There was so much mysticism in me that I had turned into a lazy s.o.b., without realizing it. I had begun to expect things to happen without making any attempt to make them happen. But now with my mini-days, it was time to introduce the work-out again.
I have now been working-out for months, it was so hard in the beginning and I had to force myself to do them, and sometimes still do. But once I get into the exercises, I feel so pleased with myself, for 1) After working-out for about an hour, I feel as though I am `high'. 2) I feel particularly pleased with myself when I hear the old mysticism voices in my head trying to persuade me not to do any exercises today. When I go against their wishes I feel so incredibly powerful. Now, my spare-tyres are beginning to slowly disappear and my body is getting hard again. This is the first time in ages that I can feel my thigh, shake, then lock, when I take a step forward. My backside went all floppy too, but now it's rock-hard again.
I've also included a mini-day for walking the dog. I take her to the park everyday, almost. I walk around the perimeter which is about 3 miles or so. We both love the mini-day so much. Since I have been working-out and walking the dog, I have put on a stone in weight and I feel so much better in myself. I'm so pleased to be able to say that finally, after such a long time, my life seems to have a purpose again.
You would think that having found out so much about myself in THE DISCOVERY, it would have been easy to turn back to the way that I was before. But no! It wasn't like that at all. The significance of it all didn't sink in for ages, and, it all started to pop into my head a little bit at a time. Only now, some 12 months after feasting my eyes on THE DISCOVERY, am I beginning to stand up and cast off my chains. It's taken me a while, I know, but first I had to get rid of my depression, then, the fact that I was always living in the past, then, I had to deal with my laziness. Even from the beginning, I wanted to do it, but, it was just taking the plunge and keeping the momentum going, that I found so hard.
I started to make a chart plotting everything that I was doing. I only had a few mini-days initially, and for each one, I would allocate a colour. As I progressed through my days, my chart began to build and I was able to see my life in front of me on the wall. It was a bit like a painting, as it got bigger, I was able to get feedback from it, aesthetically motivating me.
I discovered I was watching television for about 5 hours every night when I was at home. I thought that was a real waste of my life, besides, many of the programs were just rubbish anyway. So, I have quit watching television. I did miss it a bit at first. None of my family could understand when I quit watching television, there was so much puzzlement in their faces. When I first read one of the letters in THE DISCOVERY, one chap was saying he quit the television, I remember thinking at the time: "I couldn't do that, besides, I like the television." But now I hate and detest it so much, I feel as though I am allergic to it. When all the neo-cheaters come on spouting their lies and manipulations, they almost make me feel sick. I used to hate them before Neo-Tech came into my life, but I didn't really know why. But now I do know why, and I despise them so much.
I gradually built more and more mini-days, but for some reason I couldn't keep them going and collapsed several times. Everything that MARK HAMILTON warned against doing -- I did it! Not on purpose though, I just couldn't help myself, that's the way it turned out. I couldn't work my mini-days at the same time every day, there was always some reason as to why not. Instead of breaking down my tasks, I found myself working on projects, but I couldn't see it at the time. It was as if I was in a daze. But as my chart began to get longer, it enabled me to get all my colours in a straight line from week to week, all at the same time.
I originally decided that I was only going to read SELF-CAPTURE first and to get myself sorted out in that department, then I was going to read COMPANY-CAPTURE. But it didn't quite work out that way. For the way I was going, I would never get past SELF-CAPTURE at all. It was some months later that I decided I was going to move forward and read COMPANY-CAPTURE. Again, like before, the first time I read it, it went over my head. Especially all the TRACKING REPORTS. The first time I looked at those, I was almost blinded. It was a bit like looking at the sun without any shades on. Basically, I couldn't make head nor tail of them. Perhaps it was because I had nothing to identify with. I needed something tangible of my own to track before it made any sense. I didn't feel after reading PINCER 2, the same as I felt after reading THE DISCOVERY. This time, there was no throwing it into the cupboard and sulking like a spoilt brat. But, I did feel frustrated. I was stuck in a awful job that I hated and I just couldn't walk out of it like I had done before as I had got my creditors to think about this time. Also, I couldn't think of any proper projects. So for a while my mini-days consisted only of my personal life.
One mini-day consisted of tracking my smoking habit and keeping a dairy about it everyday. In the past, I had tried to just stop. Frequently, it was a New-Years resolution. As soon as I made the decision to quit, I would go into a panic inside. About the longest I ever lasted was to the evening on New-Years Day. I just wouldn't be able to think about anything else, but smoking. It was as if my insides were twisting into a knot and they were turning tighter and tighter, and I would be climbing the walls. I really used to worry about the amount I was smoking, but in a way, I felt resigned to it. I had tried to quit so many times and just failed miserably, so I thought "why bother, there was nothing I could do."
After reading THE DISCOVERY, I realized I had to do something, or there was only one place I would be heading. So, I decided to try and gradually reduce my intake everyday. I first started off with 1/2 hour intervals. Say for example, if today my first smoke was 10.00 a.m. tomorrow would be at 10:30 a.m. the next day at 11:00 a.m., and so on. It worked quite well for a time, but I lapsed several times. I re-tried each time with 1/2 hour intervals, but felt that sometimes it was all going a bit too quickly for me. So, 2 weeks before Xmas 93, I decided that I would try 1/4 hour intervals. I started off at 2:00 p.m. and every day after that I would smoke my first one of the day, 1/4 hour later. After I had reached my target for the day it wouldn't matter how many I smoked, it was only the first one that was the crucial one. I also made a chart plotting my performance. I had recorded every time I had smoked since August 93. But the 1/4 hour steps, were a long gradual descent. There were times when I did want to smoke before my target time, but I wouldn't allow myself to, it was as if I had got something to focus on, which made it much easier. There was hardly any climbing the walls at all. I got all the way down to just 1 a day, which took me just over 9 weeks, which for me, was absolutely brilliant. Because before, I had been smoking about 10 or 12 a day. However, I felt that I just couldn't give up that last one, it was such a milestone to get over. So for about 6 weeks I smoked one a day. But I didn't mind that too much. I thought it was better to be only smoking 7 a week, then to be smoking 70. Oh! Buy the way, almost each time I smoked, I also drank tee with 2 sugars in it. At the height of my smoking career, I was taking in a lot of caffeine and sugar too, which also was on my mind. It's all I ever seemed to be doing -- smoking and drinking tea. I never had any trouble with alcohol, I could take it or leave it.
After all the weeks of slowly squeezing smoking out of my system, and then even more weeks of smoking just 1 a day, like a fool, I went out and bought some dope. I told myself that it was purely for research purposes, that I just wanted to see what would happen (I actually believed that at the time). Well, I found out all right. For months I had been slowly getting myself together, then I had 2 nights of smoking dope. I was going to quit everything I had started, I tried to tell myself that I was getting nowhere. At the time, I was doing quite well self-esteem wise. I expected to be really down the next day, but I wasn't, it took a few days for my self-esteem to drop. It was a bit like having a bucket of water with a small hole it in, it took a while to drain dry. Over the next few days I began to feel really terrible. I was so angry with myself for what I had done. Especially as the `high' that I had, made me feel lousy. After the dust had settled, even though I wanted to quit what I was doing, when I looked around me, I could see that I was standing with my back to a chasm. But quitting everything I was doing meant I had to take a step backwards. Well, I realized I just couldn't do that as there was nowhere to put my foot. So, I had to apply myself even harder.
It's now well over 4 months since I got `high', I hardly ever even think about dope anymore. Of course, the 2 nights that I was `high', I over-indulged in caffeine, sugar and smoking too. But over the next few days I managed to get back in control fairly quickly. Then a few days later, I lapsed again, just the smoking and the tea, not the dope. I ended up smoking 5 that day. I got up the next morning and I was determined that I wasn't going to smoke that day. I lasted until 2:15 p.m. I never felt as down as I did that day, I just felt so hopeless. I lost interest in everything that I was doing. In fact, everything that I was doing just collapsed in on top of me. I was going to give everything up, there was no point in carrying on, I was getting nowhere, and, I didn't care. I stopped writing in my dairy and I stopped filling in my charts. That made me feel even worse, as it had been something that I had done every day for the last 8 months. I felt that everything was lost. I didn't think it was possible to sink any lower than I was at the moment. Of course, again, I was back to my old ways, I was blaming everyone else for my troubles. This time though, it was I & O's fault, and I had plenty of reasons as to why.
On the previous Tuesday, I had received COSMIC POWER (PINCER 1) and I had been reading it all week. I still carried on reading it even while I was smoking, drinking tea, and feeling bloody awful. However, something happened to me whilst I was reading those pages. I can't really explain what it was, but something just clicked inside me. Suddenly, everything became `crystal-clear'. It was quite amazing really, in such a short space of time, I went from feeling the lowest I have ever felt, to feeling exhilaration. I felt so different inside, I felt really powerful, like I had suddenly just woke up. I looked at my charts on the wall, and the dairy that I had been keeping every day, I realized I had just been keeping my mysticism going, and by doing it this way I would never be able to quit. I remembered back to the concept about quitting in THE DISCOVERY, and I realized that was the only way to do it. I decided to put down on paper what I was going to do -- I wanted to make some kind of vow or promise to myself -- something that I could look at to give me strength for the times when I got weak. Eventually, what I had written came out as a poem (see attached). I kept reciting it to myself so that I would know it by heart. I smoked my last cigar on Sunday morning (the tenth one) at 5:30 a.m.
I haven't drunk tea or smoked since that day. But the best part about it was there was hardly any cold-turkey at all. Occasionally, I got the urge for both, but on a scale of 1-10, it was about 2. When I got up on that Sunday, that was the worst time, but I just kept on reciting my poem to myself. Once I got past that first day, that was it, more or less, it was like a turning point. I was so surprised at how easy it was. When I first read in THE DISCOVERY about being free from C.A.S.T., I wanted so much to be able to say that I was. But to be quite honest, at the time, I didn't think that I had what it took to achieve it -- it makes me feel so good to say that I was wrong. Sometimes, I can't quite believe that I have actually done it.
I've now reorganized everything I was doing. I've trashed some things that now I realize were useless and had nothing to do with me controlling money. Especially my charts, I felt I was just wasting my time keeping them going, but they have served their purpose. I have made my own `day at a glance', and I have incorporated my charts into them, not as involved as they were before, but still plenty of aesthetics to feed off. This is the third time that I have had to re-think everything. But this time, I know that I have lit the fuse, for, I hate having to have to go to bed at night and I can't wait until the next morning.
Each day before I start my mini-days, whilst I am waiting for the time to arrive, I am pacing up and down like a caged lion or tiger. I feel so excited inside, like I have won first-prize, or something, it's wonderful. It took me 3 days to get some order into my `day at a glance' but I have been on it now for over 5 months and I can feel the difference. I have also gotten tangible projects that I have been working on, which are to do with controlling money. I have found that since I have got my own projects, I have been able to understand the TRACKING REPORTS more. But not only that, I have been able to design my own too. I can't quite believe it really, at one time I was on the verge of packing it all in, I thought everything was lost. But now I'm soaring, I'm on my way -- at last! I now have Iron-Grip control.
Even though it has taken me such a long time to get going properly, over the period of time, my improvement line has been curving upwards, albeit only very very slightly. But nevertheless, when I look back, I can see I was slowly getting better. I bought a second-hand typewriter from a car-boot sale and started to get familiar with it. But I got fed-up typing with just my two index fingers. So, I bought a book for beginners and I learned to type properly -- with my mini-days of course. Since I have quit smoking, I have been able to buy two brand-new electronic typewriters. These mini-days are really quite something else. What must it be like after a couple of years on them? I can see that there is just no-way that anyone could compete that isn't on a mini-day. For I reckon, it would be like a man trying to run beside, and keep up with, a professional athlete.
Basically, I am a quiet sort of a bloke, mind you, not as much as before Neo-Tech came into my life. I don't really believe in talking just for talking's sake. I get more of a `buzz' out of thinking. I have got plenty to say if the topic is relevant, and I know what I am on about. Before Neo-Tech came into my life, I used to have problems with that, not so much lately, but especially when I was in my early teens. I sometimes used to think that there was something wrong with me. My brother, for example, who is into astrology and all that crap, used to come into our house and he always had something to say: what he'd been doing, where he was going, or what he was going to do. Every time he came, it was always something different. Everybody used to listen to him so intently and say: "how good and clever that he was." I used to ask myself: "why couldn't I be more like him, instead of the way I was?" I sometimes used to feel a bit jealous of him, but I reasoned: "he was the way he was, and, I was the way I was, and that was all there was to it." I never wanted to be him, I was glad that I was me, but I just used to wish I could be a bit more like him -- always having something to say. Gradually, I grew out of that and I fully accepted who I was.
Now, some years later, he is still the same, still talking trivia, astrology and God. He has only been married for a short time and already he is leering at other women, which I think is pathetic. Years ago, I used to be in-awe of him, but now I can see through him like glass. To him, every petty criminal is a lovable rogue. Since I have grown through adolescence and have got proper control in my head, I have always been happy that I am who I am, and never for no amount of money or possessions, did I ever want to be anybody else -- but me! Even when I was contemplating suicide, I was still glad that I was me. Since I have found `The Truth', things are much clearer, especially about who I am and what's been going on in my head. Now I am much happier than I have been in a long, long time, except perhaps when I was at the height of my business. (but that will soon change). Except this time, I feel so much different, I have got an inner peace, which I never had before.
Regardless of what I have written, I suppose I do get on with the rest of my family. I've got 4 sisters and 2 brothers. But they are so different than me, quite the opposite, in fact. I really keep myself to myself and I mind my own business most of the time. But them, if there is any gossip going around, especially my sisters, they are there, ears flapping like elephants. They always seem more interested in what other people are doing. They call me "the Black-Sheep of the family." They say I am much too secretive. When I was on business, their favourite saying was "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." The `big-joke' between them at the moment is how much time I am spending in my bedroom. They ask me what I am doing, but I just say, "re-building my empire." You can see they can't comprehend what I am talking about. But I don't give a damn what they say, especially now that I know what I know, nobody can get to me anymore, because I AM FREE!
Neo-Tech has made so much sense of my life and what's been going on in my head. It has answered all the questions about life. I always knew there was a purpose to life, and I spent a lot of my earlier years trying to find it, except I was always looking in the wrong place. But now I have found it -- at last! It's such a rare thing for someone to be able to live their life and to know `The Truth'. Now, instead of wasting my time wondering "Where I came from? What's going on? Or, what's it all about?" I can simply focus all my energies on where I am, and, where I am going.
HOT-TIPS had quite a profound effect on me. I thought the whole book was great and revealed a lot of `Nitty-Gritty', that otherwise, I just wouldn't have been able to pick up on. I just assumed that everybody at I & O was able to ditch their mysticism just like that. And, that everybody turned into a power-reactor immediately. I thought that it was only me who was having trouble getting it together, and at times, I felt quite down about that. When I read the contrary, it made me feel quite pleased with myself. Then, when I looked again at my situation I realized I wasn't doing too bad. HOT TIPS has succeeded in showing me the emotional and the human side of I & O, and I feel that it was very brave to publish it -- warts and all. I'm sure that many companies who were marketing a product, would only want their customers to see their best side. But then again, they are not I & O. To me, to be able to see the both sides of the coin, made it much easier to understand.
One thing that really gets me is: the idea of ridding oneself of all possible mysticism before our two cerebral hemispheres function as one. Apart from the most obvious mysticism, how does anybody know what subtle mysticism they have? For NEO-THINK may never happen to me if I don't rid myself of all mysticism. But how do I know what it is As far as I am concerned, I am sitting here -- I don't do C.A.S.T., I don't subscribe to all that theist nonsense, what else could there be? Perhaps I & O ought to publish a check-list with all the forms of mysticism that there could be (is that possible?). Though I realize that probably no two peoples mysticism are the same, at least it would give me a direction in which to look. On the other hand, maybe that is just me looking for external-authority? Maybe I am defaulting on the effort to rid myself of my own mysticism? But that takes me back to my questions again "what could it be?".
In COSMIC POWER (PINCER 1). I read the concept "I love you, therefore, you owe me." Looking back, I can see that played a large part of the `penny-dropping' for me. I have had that concept used so much on me in my life, and, it's even tried on me now. My sisters use that technique when they want someone/me to look after their kids, "go on, he's your nephew," is what you hear a lot of. Mind you, I have used that kind of technique myself. I remember once, may years ago, when I first fell in love, I would use the technique: "If you love me you'll...." I've also been jealous at times, only GT jealousy though, I've never had BT jealousy. And, I've also used `testing', to see how much she loved me. But I only used to do it whenever we argued. I would storm off and expect her to come running after me, crying: "don't leave me!" When she did, I used to get a kind of smug satisfaction/feedback.
I've just got to add this piece: I was walking out of the kitchen at the asylum one night. Just as I had locked the door and walked out into the yard, one of the lights in the kitchen came back on and lit up the whole yard. Just for a millisecond, the old thoughts about what the reasons could have been for them coming on again entered my head. But straight away, I realized that I was just being silly. It was obvious to me that I hadn't switched them off properly and it flicked back on. But if that had of happened to me pre-Neo-Tech, I just know that it would have spooked me, possibly for the rest of my life.
This is another silly piece, but I feel that I must include it too. If at this moment, I had received all the rewards that Neo-Tech had to offer, i.e.., happiness, taking care of myself, and, particularly being in the C.A.S.T. free club, then I would be pleased that I got value for my money. But as that's not so, I know that I haven't really touched on the rewards that are heading my way. When I began in business before, I knew I was heading for `great-things', for, I had visions of being as big as, or even bigger, then the Woolworth's, or the Marks and Spencer's of the world. Some people might put that down to the enthusiasm of youth, of course, enthusiasm is a much needed element, as lethargy won't build empires, but it was more than that. Even though I didn't realize it, I had found the key. The way I see it, building an empire is just a bit like making a cake, it takes more then just the one ingredient to get it together. There aren't many people that get a second chance, I realize that I am quite fortunate in that respect. Not only fortunate in getting a second chance, but, especially because I know what I know. When I look around me and I see others still living in Plato's Republic, and you can see that they are so unhappy, life seems to be such a drudge for them. I have none of that. To say that I am free, is a huge understatement. Upon my initial reading of THE DISCOVERY, I didn't think that any of this would have been possible. ....But it has!
Well John. John! John! Wake up John! I'm so sorry, I must have made you drop off to sleep with my long boring letter. I didn't write it overnight, naturally I made a mini-day for it. I must admit, I do like the letter writing mini-day so much. Before, if ever I needed to write a letter, it would always get put off till tomorrow, then tomorrow would come and it would be put off to the next day, and so on.
I'm sorry I had to go back so far, but, consider yourself `lucky', yes' `god damn lucky' that I didn't go all the way back to when I was 10 years old. That's when I first started working and earning money. My first job, I was working behind the counter in a sweet shop. There I was, in short trousers, I could hardly see over the counter. I've always had part-time jobs up until I left school. I washed cars, delivered papers, I even worked in Billy Smarts Circus when I was 13. The only trouble was, all those years ago, I was a thief. I just couldn't pass anything by without nicking it. I'd steal money out of the till whenever I got the opportunity. I used to feel bad about it, but I didn't know why. For I never knew what emotions were all about, not for years. It's probably only since I have read THE DISCOVERY, that I now realize what they are all about.
I would like to know more about how others are applying Neo-Tech to change their lives. I would definitely like to find out more about how neo-cheaters and mystics are draining my life. Also, I would like to study some case examples of other Neo-Tech owners capturing profit, happiness and romantic love. Perhaps, I would even like to meet a Neo-Tech woman. On second thoughts, I would LOVE to meet a Neo-Tech woman! For to know a woman who knew where I was coming from, I think, that would be `something-else'.
Maybe, I could do something for I & O? I don't know what though. When I first read about people wanting to do the same, I thought about it from my point of view, the idea scared the `shit' out of me, excuse the terminology, but that just about sums it up. Even now, it still does a little bit. I don't know why, its stupid really. Perhaps I still have some of that wimp still hiding inside me?
I'll never be able to thank I & O and everybody in it enough for saving my life. Just as I was about to disappear beneath the surface of the water down into the depths of despair, you threw a lifeline and hauled me out. I thought my life was all over, but I am so pleased to say I was wrong. When I was beginning in business before, I now realize it was just a dress rehearsal, or a dry run of what I am capable of. Now I am on the stage for the first time and it's "Opening Night."
I saw your ad in Exchange some months back. It wasn't until a few days later when the importance of it suddenly hit me. I thought, "This just wasn't some company trying to sell their wares, but, the whole future of the world and every decent person in it depended upon it." I was overwhelmed by the thoughts. To anybody who didn't know what was going on it would just appear as an ordinary advert, but what was behind it all was so important.
Before I went down the drain I was Trading as: "Everybody's Price." I reckoned the new start would need a whole new look. So I had some stationary printed, as you can see from the enclosed -- COSMICK -- I am now really "Out of this world."
I did say earlier that being a Market-Trader was the hardest job I had ever done, well that was true at the time but it isn't now. Dragging myself back to where I have begun to inject DTC into my life, that's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Everything else just doesn't compare.
As I draw to a close, I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness that it is nearing completion. As I got closer and closer to the end, I found myself dragging my feet and becoming sluggish so I wouldn't have to finish this letter. I know the reasons why though. I got comfortable with the warm secure feelings that it has produced within me and I don't want to let them go. Now, I've got to force myself.
The only thing left to say really is: All the very best to you John and to everybody at I & O. Thanks for helping to straighten me out. I could never ever express in mere words how grateful I am. Following is my poem, the one I used to quit smoking and to guide my life in the future (along with THE DISCOVERY).
| TODAY IS THE DAY
I -- Mick M. By
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