Next Page | Contents | Previous Page
Happiness of man and woman is not based on love, sex, or pleasure, but on self-esteem. Self-esteem is a person's estimation of his or her self-worth. Self-esteem is one's estimation of his or her ability to live happily and competently. Self-esteem is one's effectiveness in dealing with reality. Self-esteem through honesty and productivity is the essential requisite for romantic love and psychuous pleasures.
A high level of self-esteem requires a commitment to objectivity and honesty. One must work hard to learn how to be honest and objective. And one must always work to maintain those qualities or they will gradually slip away, almost unnoticed. Expanding the effort to be consistently objective and honest is the only route to psychuous pleasures, romantic love, unlimited prosperity, and long-range happiness.
Independent judgment vs. opinions of others: Acting on what others think rather than on one's own thinking not only undermines a person's integrity and judgment, but diminishes ones self-esteem. That, in turn, gradually represses the best qualities within that person.
Within a romantic love relationship, psychuous pleasures (including sex) adds a dimension and intensity to human pleasure unattainable by any other means. Psychuous pleasures develop as the day-by-day rewards for taking consistently rational actions that are objectively good for one's self. Psychuous pleasures, financial prosperity, romantic love, and long-range happiness are the rewards of a productive, honest, objectively moral life.
Every relationship can be evaluated in either "good for me" or "bad for me" terms. Love partners can evaluate their relationship by how much it increases or decreases their well-being and happiness.
A valid, romantic love relationship allows both partners to more effectively fill their physical, emotional, and intellectual needs. That increased efficacy is a major benefit and pleasure of life. Thus, over the long term, a person can love only those who offer benefits and pleasures.
The value of any relationship can be measured by the extent that the relationship lifts or lowers the well-being and happiness of each partner in the relationship. Either good or bad affects occur whenever one becomes involved in a relationship with another person.
Three basic views of sex and love exist:
The overall effect of religion has been to deprive most of humankind of happiness and pleasures by wiping out the objective links between morality, pleasure, values, and sex. Today, the guilt caused by the religious view is much more cleverly hidden and implicit. The contradictions and guilt generated make psychuous pleasures and romantic love impossible. That subconscious guilt eventually leads to loss of pleasure and happiness. However, over the long term, the religious view does not diminish a person's self-esteem as much as the "Playboy" view. That is because most religions do hold sex as serious and important for procreation.
The undermining of self-esteem caused by the fun-only "Playboy" view can create anxiety and boredom to steadily diminish sexual pleasures and capacities. And a devastating potency loss can develop from performance anxieties caused by the "Playboy" view coupled with the demands to be a "sensuous" person by someone else's standards. Overall, however, "Playboy" magazine has had a beneficial effect on lifting sexual guilt and repression from millions of human beings. "Playboy" magazine also recognizes that every individual has the right to live for his or her own pleasures and happiness.
Only the psychuous pleasures view is consistent with human nature and permits growth of long-range happiness, open ended pleasures, and genuine sexual pleasures for both men and women. Many potentially rewarding romantic-love situations are never recognized or tragically destroyed either by religious guilt or by the "Playboy" trap of treating sex as an unimportant or a casual-fun activity. Only the psychuous view allows men and women to fully experience their earned pleasure, love, and happiness.
Most innocent people subconsciously perceive sex through a combination of those three views. The result is various degrees of satisfaction. Today, the escalating incidence of impotence is probably due to performance anxiety caused by the "Playboy" view coupled with the demands to be a "sensuous" person by someone else's standards. However, recent shifts to the religious guilt inducing views are also playing an important role in this trend.
Casual sex may begin as an immature sexual view during adolescence. Or casual sex may begin as a notion to experiment with "new" sex in order to broaden one's sexual experiences, or even to diminish sexual inhibitions, taboos, and jealousy. Few, if any, forms of casual, fun only, or exploitive sex can be experienced without at least some harmful consequences to one's self-esteem, sexuality, and happiness.
Since human beings are always capable of correcting their errors, the harm and damage caused by past, casual sexual experiences can normally be reversed by restructuring sexual standards around the consistent, value oriented foundation of Neo-Tech Pleasures.
No acts between consenting adults should be illegal, even if the acts are physically or psychologically harmful to the consenting individuals (such as chronic homosexuality and injurious masochism or sadism). Only acts of force, fraud, or coercion that violate the individual rights of nonconsenting people* can be objectively considered illegal such as forcible rape, adult/child sexual relationships, nonconsenting sadism, and any other acts that are physically or fraudulently forced on unwilling or unknowing victims.
*Nonconsenting people always include children. For they are unable to give valid or informed sexual consent because they have gained neither the knowledge nor the experience to assume the responsibilities for their lives or the long-range consequences of their actions. An extreme form of unjust, human manipulation is the parent child incestuous relationship in which the parent not only manipulates the child's lack of knowledge, but uses the child's survival dependence on the parent to force or coerce the child into physically or psychologically destructive actions.
Sexual feelings and experiences begin long before adolescence and puberty. For adolescents and adults a like, sexual involvement should always be judged from a "good for me" or "harmful for me" consideration. Serious sexual experiences that deliver growth and happiness through exchanges of objective values are usually good for everyone involved, regardless of age. Adolescents entering into sexual relationships before they are able or desire to involve themselves in serious value-exchanging relationships will undermine their future capacity for romantic love.
Marriage itself is not an objective criterion for determining whether an adolescent or anyone else should engage in sex. In any serious romantic love relationship, satisfactory sexual relations are required for emotional intimacy and growth. In addition to gaining pleasure filled growth through sexual experiences, premarital sex experience can help eliminate harmful pressures for sex performance often experienced by virgins. In addition to the intellectual and emotional advantages open to non-married couples, the serious nonmarital sexual relationship offers psychologically important values. Those values offer enriching, life-lifting experiences while avoiding the unhappy frustrations that dominate closed marriages based on faith and duty rather than honesty and confidence. In addition, nonmarital sexual relationships generally allow much more time and freedom for creative work and self-development. That development, in turn, provides increasing happiness and strength within such relationships.
Most valid, growing romantic love relationships can and do lead to marriage, usually life-long marriages*.
*Marriage in this context does not necessarily mean legal marriage, but means any serious long-term, romantic-love relationship mutually agreed on by each partner. Legal marriage has no bearing on the success or failure of a relationship.
Both the Don Juan and the "Playboy" approach treat sex as a casual, fun activity of manipulation or hypnosis while pragmatically professing "sincerity" and "seriousness" when strategically advantageous. But seduction techniques for serious love can be honest and beneficial. Those techniques are more accurately described as "sensuous projection" and differ from casual seduction techniques that depend on deceit. Sensuous projection is done through both verbal and body communication. The primary attraction forces between two people moving toward a rational romantic-love relationship are their character traits, not their personality traits. A romantic relationship based on psychuous pleasures usually develops into a mutual seduction process during which both partners make efforts to project mounting sensuous, sexual attractiveness between them. Non-manipulative seduction is not seduction in the Don Juan sense, but is projections of physical and sexual attractiveness combined with trust. That kind of seduction helps both partners to let loose physically and emotionally.
Behind every affair or relationship is either a healthy or an unhealthy motive - though often subconscious and well hidden. A person should make him or herself aware of the motive behind every relationship, including nonsexual relationships. Hiding unhealthy motives for a relationship is destructive to both partners.
The general attributes men seek in women are diverse and generalized. But through the ages, civilizations, and cultures, women seek in men a single attribute, however interpreted. That attribute is strength. Neo-Tech Pleasures delivers maximum strength to everyone.
All traditionally reported aphrodisiacs such as Spanish fly, yohimbine, ginseng root, and others have no long-term or physiological aphrodisiac value. The only effective aphrodisiacs are a desirable sexual partner, physical fitness, and the psychological and philosophical conditions for psychuous sex. Mysticism, dishonesty, deception, compulsive gambling, drugs, smoking, caffeine, excessive alcohol and sugar are long-term negative aphrodisiacs.
A few people, because of their stunning natural beauty, are not directly subject to nature's vigorous sexual competition. In adulthood, those who grew up accepting the challenge to self-develop can easily out compete those natural beauties who earlier in life never experienced those pressures to develop. As a result, many natural beauties grow old remaining undeveloped, immature, incompetent, unable to love or be loved. Achieving psychuous pleasures and valid romantic love requires the same thought and effort (and offers the same potential) for every individual, regardless of innate physical appearances.
A person must be cautious of involvement with people of exceptional, natural beauty whose personal lives reflect low-effort, low-productivity living. Such individuals often let their natural attractiveness substitute for the long-term effort required to develop competence, genuine self-esteem, and sexually-attractive characters required for romantic love.* Physically beautiful people often default on their sexual and personal character development to the point at which they are not only uninteresting people or airheads, but are also poor or worthless lovers with low self-esteems. Physically attractive people must also avoid developing a "lady killer or a man killer" syndrome in their relationships. Being a seductive "killer" can temporarily boost a weak ego by reflecting a power to hurt others. That syndrome can be easy to accept and to develop (often subconsciously), leading one into life wasting relationships that are destructive to both partners.
*Often displaying similar development problems are homosexuals who acquire easy or low-effort sexual experiences without subjecting themselves to the rigors of heterosexual competition. Those rigors exert healthy pressures for developing into strong, mature, responsible adults.
Next Page | Contents | Previous Page
Disclaimer - Copyright - Contact
Online: buildfreedom.org - terrorcrat.com - mind-trek.com