Neo-Tech Love and Sexual Pleasures

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A person who mistreats or manipulates his or her sexual partner is usually permanently harmed and suffers more damage over the long run than the hurt or abused partner. The abused partner will have future chances for romantic love and long-range happiness; the chronic manipulator loses his or her capacity for romantic love and is left with a future of increasing unhappiness, sexual incompetence, and romantic failures.

The willingness to be mistreated is often reflected as a neurotic, martyr attitude. Sexual impotence or frigidity can evolve either consciously or subconsciously:

SUBCONSCIOUS:: A less obvious, more common and often more damaging form of pressure on a person's sexual confidence can enter ones mind subconsciously:

1. By innuendos, and other indirect forms of communication. Merely listening to false undercutting statements lets such statements involuntarily enter and remain in the subconscious, even when the conscious mind rejects them as false.

2. By sexual-put-down humor or kidding that the conscious mind does not take seriously. But such put downs are unknowingly absorbed into those portions of the subconscious or nonanalytical mind that do not evaluate assertions or distinguish between true and false or serious and humorous information. The unevaluated information remains buried as sexual put-down data that gradually works its damage on the mind and nervous system. A subconscious absorption of negative information about one's sexuality, even if taken humorously or not seriously by the conscious mind, will still eventually diminish that persons potency via the subconscious mind. A person, however, should be open and receptive to any constructive, factually valid criticism about oneself or others.

A serious romantic relationship can last and grow forever. But, if growth stops and cannot be revived, the relationship should be ended before the growth potential of either partner diminishes. A decision to terminate should include a thoughtful plan to avoid harm to either partner while preserving the growth already achieved. If a good relationship does end, however, the many values and benefits of its past growth can and should be retained by both partners.

VOLUNTARY termination of a psychuous relationship requires a carefully considered and mutually reasoned decision to avoid the tragic mistake of terminating a good relationship unnecessarily. To save a good relationship from being destroyed by errors, each partner must struggle heroically. Each must identify errors and reject destructive mysticism to avoid creating problems where none need exist. Each partner must then exert effort to determine if growth can be reestablished in the relationship.

INVOLUNTARY termination of a good relationship through death is final. Still, the living partner must continue the process of self-growth.

Involuntary termination of a good relationship can also be initiated through errors of one or both partners. When ending a previously good relationship, no matter how much pain or hurt is involved, an effort should be made to leave one's partner in a psychologically uplifted condition. That effort can deliver long-term benefits to both partners, including a better preservation of past growth along with a freer, guiltless position from which to seek new relationships and happiness. In terminating a negative or destructive relationship, just frankly stating the necessity to end the relationship and then walking away from the situation completely and forever is often the most beneficial, least painful method for everyone.

Whenever love for another fades or dies, reasons always exist. But the reasons are not always obvious. A person can better prepare for future experiences and relationships by identifying the reasons through careful, honest introspection.

Generally no attempt should be made to save basically unhappy or destructive marriages. Divorce is usually a positive, healthy course of action. Contrary to popular belief, the increasing divorce rate is a healthy development. More and more people are rejecting the idea of sacrificing their lives and happiness to harmful relationships that have stagnated and withered under the destructive conditions of a closed or mystical marriage. To knowingly remain in a destructive situation is morally wrong. A person cannot properly live in a stagnant or destructive marriage situation. Such a relationship must be ended or each partner will suffer psyche death*.

To facilitate divorce decisions, various references and aids for do-it-yourself divorces are listed in Table 9. Some state laws compound the emotional pain, animosity, and expense of divorce by forcing couples into dishonest and humiliating accusations. Legal help may be necessary or advisable in states with oppressive or complex divorce laws or in situations in which disputes or serious disagreements between partners exist. But in noncontested divorces in which no disputes exist, no need exists for attorneys to settle private and personal matters.

A healthy trend today is the increasing acceptance of the nonmarried, cohabitation relationship between couples and toward easier, less oppressive divorce laws. Perhaps the best protection against any legal or personal misunderstanding is for the couple to sign a contract defining the conditions of their cohabitation (married or unmarried). But more important, a private cohabitation contract makes each partner think out and state clearly in writing the conditions that he or she wants for living together. The contract then remains as a specific document agreed upon for living together and is always available for reminding each partner of the conditions. Contract conditions can always be mutually changed as the needs and desires of each partner change. Contracts should always include agreement about children. Table 10 is a sample of a cohabitation contract.

Formal marriage can offer certain legal and tax advantages, for some couples. (NOTE: No legal opinions or legal advice are offered anywhere in this book.)

*Psyche death is a uniquely human phenomenon that involves the stagnation and death of the human psyche, often at an early age. The human psyche embraces both the emotional and intellectual spheres of the mind. Contrary to popular myth, both spheres are inseparably linked and symbiotically function together. If one sphere grows, so does the other. If one sphere deteriorates, so does the other.

CALIFORNIA How To Do Your Own Divorce in California, by Charles E. Sherman (Attorney). $4.95 + $0.35 postage, Nolo Press, P.O. Box 544, Occidental, California 95465. This book is especially useful for non contested divorces where no major disputes exist. Complete with charts, petitions, and sample forms. The book could also be helpful for couples living in other states who are considering a non contested divorce.

The Wave Project consists of 26 do-it-yourself divorce centers in California The project was started by a Berkeley attorney, Charles E. Sherman (author of the above book). The Wave Project is presently owned by an attorney, Phyllis Wiedes Eliasberg. Requires a $65 fee (vs $350 minimum attorney's fee). Currently under pressure and attack by the California Bar.

FLORIDA DIVORCE YOURSELF, INC. Office scheduled to open in Florida (see New York).

ILLINOIS Divorce in Chicago Without Lawyers by Robert Wysong (attorney), $19.95, Consumer's Publishing Co., c/o Al Haller, 1 North LaSalle Street, Chicago, Illinois 60622. Provides instructions for obtaining a non contested divorce for a total cost of $90.95.

MINNESOTA Divorce Education Association, 3935 Upton Avenue, Minneapolis, Minnesota. Chuck Thibodeau, founder. Helps people obtain a divorce for about $100 total cost without a lawyer. Ultimate aim is to remove divorce for the province of law and legislation. Under attack by the Minnesota Bar.

NEVADA Nevada Divorce Book is currently out of print and not available.

Divorce Yourself, Inc.--Office scheduled to open in Nevada (see New York).

NEW YORK How To Get a New York Divorce for Under $100 by C.M. Allen, $4.95, Allen Advertising, 118 East 93rd Street, New York, New York 10028. Shows how to save up to $900 by avoiding attorney fees.

Divorce Yourself, Inc., 695 Bonesteel Street, Rochester, New York, James Winder, owner. A $75 kit contains all the required information and forms for an uncontested divorce. To date, legal attempts to stop Mr. Winder's enterprises have been defeated. He also plans to open offices in Florida, Nevada, Texas and Washington.

TEXAS DIVORCE YOURSELF, INC. Of Office scheduled to open in Texas (see New York).

WASHINGTON The Woman's Divorce Cooperative, C/O YWCA, University of Washington, 4224 University Way, N.E. Seattle, Washington 98105, phone (206) ME24747. Offers free group sessions that assist women in obtaining a do-it-yourself divorce while bypassing the normal $350-$600 in attorney fees.

Divorce Yourself, Inc. -- Office scheduled to open in Washington (see New York).

Other Helpful Resources Everything You Need to Know About Divorce Law and Procedures in The United States by A. Michael Counselor, $5.00, Technical-Legal Publications, 407 Luhrs Towers, Phoenix, Arizona 85030. Provides divorce, remarriage, and common-law marriage data and information for all 50 states and the Dominican Republic.

Articles of Agreement for Unmarried Cohabitation (or Marriage) made on this _____ day of _______ 19 ____________
Between ____________________________________________________________________________________
Residing at ______________________________________________________________________________
Date of Birth: __________ Place of Birth _________________________________________________________

This agreement involves only the two partners who sign the bottom line of this contract. In no way will this contract ever involve third parties, including any church or government powers.

Each partner agrees that the only obligation to the other is to maintain a loyal commitment to:

1. Honesty.
2. Developing personal integrity, independence, and character growth.
3. Seeking knowledge, experiences, and objective truth through effort and reason.
4. Creating and delivering values that contribute to the growth and well-being of each partner and the relationship.

Each partner agrees that the purpose of the cohabitation (or marriage) relationship is to increase the objective values, enjoyment, pleasure, and happiness available from life. If this purpose is not served, then no objective purpose for the relationship exists.

Each partner agrees to keep (as much as practical) all properly in clearly defined, separate ownership. Each partner recognizes that neither has any claim OD the other's life, property, or freedom in any way except for the mutual obligation of developing values and growth as defined in the Primary Agreement (II).

Each partner agrees to avoid conception and subsequent childbirth unless each partner beforehand mutally signs an additional contract that identifies and fixes in specific detail who wit/bear the financial and caring responsibilities for each child. In that separate child-responsibility contract, terms must explicitly include the fixing of full child care and financial responsibility in the event that the cohabitation is terminated. If conception occurs without a mutually signed child-responsibility contract, the pregnancy will be aborted as soon as possible at the request of either partner with abortion and medical expenses being equally shared. Unlike this cohabitation contract, which can unilaterally be voided, a child-responsibility contract cannot be voided or altered in any way except by a written, mutual agreement that is signed by each partner.

This cohabitation (or marriage) agreement may be mutually or unilaterally terminated at any time for any reason by notifying the other partner and by separating the property belonging to each partner. After termination of the agreement end separation of property, no duty or obligation (meterial or emotional) will remain between either partner. Child-responsibility contracts, however, cannot be unilaterally altered or terminated.

Any mutually owned or disputed property shall be divided in the following manner: On the flip of a coin, one partner shall quote a price for for the property in question. The other partner then has the choice of either taking the property and paying that price or of leaving the property in question. The other partner then has the choice of either taking the property and paying that price or of leaving the property and collecting that sum from the partner quoting the price.

If this cohabitation agreement is still in effect, each partner agrees that with the death of one partner, and after payment of that partner's bills, debts and expenses, all remaining property will be distributed according to the signauted instructions below or according to the attached inheritance agreement (WiU end testimony or Trust Agreements**). If no Wills or Trusts are attached, refer to the Wills or Trusts in the blank space below. If no Wills or Trusts are attached, each partner should write in longhand his and her own death instructions. In either case, each partner should cross out any remaining space and sign on the bottom line. Death instructions should include body disposal desires (e.g. cremation without ceremony, cryogenic freezing with payment arrangements, etc.)

(*separate inheritance agreements (WiU or Trusts) should be used in all but the simplest agreements involving only nominal property values.)

In the absence of any instructions or Will, all property will pass equally to any minor dependents of the deceased. If no minor dependents exist, all remaining property will pass to the surviving partner.

Cohabitation (or marriage) reconciliation can be effected simply by each partner signing a new cohabitation (or marriage) contract.

The undersigned agree to the eight articles of the above contract as conditions for their cohabitation (or marriage).

With today's many labor-saving conveniences, making a career of being a housewife is generally too limited in challenge and productivity to provide the self-esteem, independence, and growth needed to experience the full range of love and happiness available from life.

Having children is an error for many romantic-love partners. Children can shrink the potential for romantic happiness and psychuous pleasures of both partners for two decades or more. Often when personal growth is ended by the burden of children, the parent's view of the future shifts to a downhill direction and their lives begin shrinking toward aging and death. And the parents' loss of growth and happiness can damage the well-being of the innocent child or children. Wise couples avoid having children, at least until they are in a financial and maturity position in which the children will not be a draining burden. Such couples almost always have greater capacities to love both life and children than those who thoughtlessly give birth to children for various security, expectations, and other unhealthy reasons. But if the parents fail in their responsibility to properly raise their children into productive independent adults, the children become victims of their parent's moral default. As with any moral default, those responsible, the parents, will suffer damaging consequences to their self-esteem and happiness.

Romantic love and growing psychuous pleasures can still be achieved for couples who have children as long as they meet their responsibilities to both their children and to themselves. With children, the goal of achieving happiness within romantic love becomes more difficult and challenging. But if successful, a romantic relationship with the uniquely valuable experience of children can be even more rewarding than a romantic relationship without children. Having and raising children is a unique, major life experience. And children can develop characters that yield major, long-range values to their parents, especially as the years go by. ...Well-evolved children can yield magnificent values, almost beyond imagination. Combining the Neo-Tech/ Psychuous concepts with rationally bearing children can yield a bonanza of values available from no other life experience.

With children, increasing romantic happiness can be accomplished only after accepting a nonmartyr and nonsacrificial stance in preparing one's children for a productive, independent life while retaining the romantic love relationship as the primary value. The process of raising children, by nature, consists of continually yanking the parents out of their stimulating adult world back into the limited world of the child...a world the parents outgrew and left behind long ago. In addition, raising children diminishes the privacy available to the romantic couple, which, if not recognized and properly adjusted, can rapidly diminish the romantic-love relationship to everyone's loss, including the children's.

Outside of the prime moral duty to develop one's own human potential, a person's only other moral duty is to provide for and develop one's own children into mature, nonmystical, self-sufficient adults. That duty includes teaching them to identify honesty and competently handle reality so that they may develop into independent, value producing adults capable of achieving abiding prosperity and happiness. But in filling this responsibility, parents have no right to place future claims or obligations on their children. Likewise, after children have been equipped to live self-sustaining and independent lives, all obligatory duty ends for the parents.

Compared to men, few women have directly achieved greatness in the major areas of human accomplishment (e.g., arts, sciences, philosophy, music, business, industry, medicine, law). Due to (1) women being more involved in the restricting tasks of raising children and (2) the cultural and "legal" oppression of women that has occurred throughout most of recorded history. In recent years, however, radical changes have occurred to eliminate most differences in oppression between men and women. Those changes occurred through the relentless, rational pressures of business, not through non-sequitur dishonesty, force, and coercion of government or "women's-liberation" pressure groups. Today, women in the Western World have the same freedom and opportunity as men to develop their commercial values in most areas of human activity. But many women are not exercising their new freedom, and thus many women are failing to exploit their potentials for prosperity, psychuous pleasures, romantic love, and long-range happiness.

While most people dutifully profess love toward their parents, often the past and present psychological differences, conflicts, demands and "duties" make genuine love and enjoyment between parents and their children impossible. Major problems between parents and children often develop from the parent's failure to respect their own children...their failure to treat children as human beings with individual rights, i.e. parents' initiating force and physically assaulting their children under the euphemisms of spankings and discipline. If children are not granted respect, they may never develop it for themselves, for their parents, or for anyone else. The two most valuable gifts that parents can give their children are ( 1 ) respect toward children as human beings with individual rights, and (2) a supportive atmosphere that help children develop independence, personal integrity, and the skill to perceive reality honestly - in a fully integrated context.

In relationships in which objective values are exchanged, genuine love between parents and children can and does occur. An important step toward emotional growth is to realize that no one has a duty to love anyone... parents, children, husband, wife, or anyone. Genuine love can occur only through a voluntary, mutual exchange of objective and emotional values. Too often, however, parents are made the scapegoats for their grown children's faults, defaults, sexual shortcomings, and other problems for which these grown children themselves are responsible. Using parents as scapegoats can obscure the source of a person's problems and prevent the overcoming of those problems.

All people are capable of change...of changing their character, attitudes, views, and actions. For such changes to be real, however, they must be made through a person's own choices and motivated by one's own desires and self-interest. Changes can never be imposed on anyone, not even by a person's love partner. Changes accomplished by force, threat, coercion or pressure are really not changes at all but are merely pretenses or changes in external appearance designed to deceive, relieve pressures, or to avoid threatened consequences.

Changes in a positive direction always require self-initiated effort toward honesty. Through previous character development, a person may be triggered to quickly integrate and act on new information. Through such character development significant and sometimes rapid changes in attitudes and views can occur. But, if a person is not ready or willing to receive or act on valid, new information, then efforts in trying to make that person change will normally fail.

Books are a primary source of knowledge. Most people can recall reading inspiring books or positive thinking articles that offer rules for self-improvement. Generally the inspiration and determination to follow someone else's rules remain for various periods of time...until that person returns to his or her own self. Nevertheless, gaining knowledge through reading is a prerequisite for most positive achievements. But many "self-improvement" books operate on erroneous premises and mystical notions (often blended with mystical, "positive-thinking" approaches) that are self-defeating.

The Neo-Tech Reference Encyclopedia summarizes and analyzes 113 books that can deliver valid knowledge and positive values to those triggered or ready to move toward romantic love, psychuous pleasures, and long-range happiness. The Neo-Tech Discovery itself provides the information and knowledge needed for making any degree of change or turn up to 180 degrees in order to develop non mystical views that lead to psychuous pleasures, long-range happiness and prosperity.

As people grow older, their characters and views of life too often grow negative as their hopes and dreams turn into disappointments and disillusionments. On aging, those people gradually lose the capacity to feel and experience life. Their anticipation and enjoyment of life continually diminishes as their used-up futures and shrinking life spans become evident and the inevitability of death draws closer. The Neo-Tech Discovery and the Neo-Tech Pleasures concepts totally reverse that dying process by allowing life and happiness to expand and grow with age and experience.

Age is no factor in achieving Neo-Tech Pleasures, except for the possible lack-of-knowledge limitations of adolescence. Furthermore, Neo-Tech Pleasures can continually increase with age as one widens his or her knowledge and experience. In building Neo-Tech Pleasures, a person's psychological growth can far outweigh physical or aging effects. Emotional and physical pleasures as well as long-range happiness can increase indefinitely for any productive individual.

Sex never renews itself spontaneously. Left to an unattended course, sexual experiences will gradually diminish in both quality and value. But the quality and value of sex can be continuously renewed and expanded by constantly investing conscious thought and effort into enlarging one's capacity for giving and receiving values and pleasures. "Neo-Tech Pleasures" and the "Neo-Tech Discovery" identify that renewal process on all levels of conscious human life, i.e., on physiological, psychological, and philosophical levels.

Achieving and maintaining an attractive personal appearance and good physical fitness are necessary for developing psychuous pleasures and happiness. On the other hand, physical appearances that are not in one's direct control are unimportant for achieving psychuous pleasures and happiness. The difference, for example, is between being carelessly sloppy and being physically ugly. The natural, physically ugly person can achieve a full range of psychuous pleasures and happiness. The sloppy person who cares little about his or her appearance or well-being is deficient in character and self-esteem. Such people cut themselves off from psychuous pleasures and long-range happiness. If a person does not care about himself or herself, then how could or why should anyone else care about that person?

People who let themselves grow obese or physically deteriorate lose the capacity for psychuous pleasures from both physical and psychological standpoints. Nearly anyone, at any age, in any physical condition can achieve optimum physical fitness.* A physically fit body is necessary to enjoy the full range of psychuous pleasures. A slim, fit body adds a major increment of pleasure and enjoyment to nearly every facet of living, especially to romance and sexual activities.

Aside from fatness and physical unfitness, addictions to sugar, drugs, alcohol, caffeine not only undercut physical fitness and health, but will steadily diminish a persons happiness. Such addictions are quite common and often unadmitted. Any one of those addictions can lead to fatigue and diminishment of self-esteem. That, in turn, reduces the potentials for psychuous pleasures and happiness. Breaking any habit can markedly improve a person's health and quality of life. A person's self-esteem can also significantly increase by eliminating habits that hold destructive power over the conscious mind and physical body.

*The best reference for physical fitness through an aerobics program is Dr. Kenneth H. Coopers' book Aerobics, Bantam Books. The best reference for weight control through a low carbohydrate diet is Dr. Robert C. Atkins' book, Dr. Atkins Diet Revolution David Mackay Company.

Strongly positive values or experiences such as exciting romantic adventures, major achievements, aerobic exercises or endorphin-producing runs, music, art, literature or drama stimulate natural highs. The ultimate high, however, comes from feeling one's own real self...being in control of life, living freely, honestly, rationally, productively. In that state, a person acutely feels the physical and psychological process of living. He or she experiences the impact of living in competent control of one's own self and destiny.

The most intense, reality-oriented high is psychuous pleasures. Reality highs, however, can be consistently experienced in almost any phase of one's life to produce continuous waves of pleasure and happiness. Most people at some time in their lives have experienced brief or partial glimpses of those natural highs.

Neo-Tech Pleasures not only deal with relationships among other people, but they deal with a person's relationship to oneself relative to reality, self-esteem, and self-awareness in feeling one's own physical and emotional self. Only through developing an integrated, objective relationship with one's own body and mind can a person fully experience the pleasures and happiness available from life.

Natural highs are euphoric, tension-releasing processes that can deliver great pleasure - both physical and psychological. Natural highs can also release chronic muscular tensions.

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