Introduction & Programs ~ Starting Out; Some Basics ~ Success Journeys ~ Accelerate Your Learning ~ Time: Your Most Valuable Asset ~ How to Feel Good All the Time ~ How to Overcome Self‑Interference ~ A Few Health Basics ~ Cause & Effect ~ Additional Articles
Here is knowledge to enable you to become more successful, earn more money, feel good, enjoy great health (while cutting your health bills), and extend your life...
PPFE Part #1
Fundamental Question: What Revolutions are Necessary and How Can They be Engineered?
There are three PPFE pages:
If you haven't yet done so, you may want to quickly scan all three pages to get an overall idea of what's on them.
An important purpose of this page is to persuade readers to smash any "Godologist or Governmentologist idols or icons" that may still infect their brains as "idea or meme parasites." However, some readers may not be interested in "clearing Godologist and Governmentologist crap from their minds." That's OK. You could just skim this page to look for strategy suggestions of potential use to you.
Another important purpose of this page is to persuade freedom activists to use humor and ridicule as a strategy to promote freedom. Most people like to be entertained. As suggested by the section Freud on Crowds, appealing to reason may not be an effective strategy for freedom activists. You can skim this page to look for sections on humor. You may even find something amusing!
It may be possible for freedom activists to become considerably more effective. It may even be possible to create profitable businesses, promoting freedom, and providing alternatives such as private currencies. More on this on PPFE Part #2.
It's possible that the massive 2008-2009 bailout will result in hyperinflation, and that some financial and political systems will be greatly weakened, or will even collapse -- see Some Important Statistics.
Politics on Dumbtopia
"This is one of the most delightful things I've read in a while. Thanks." -- Robert Sterling (Editor, The Konformist)
Far, far away, on the other side of the Milky Way Galaxy, there's a beautiful planet called Dumbtopia.
Dumbtopia's inhabitants are called Idiots.
They believe in a Supernatural creature they call Skybless.
Dumbtopia is divided into Dumbcountries -- at least, that's what the Idiots believe. They sporadically fight and slaughter each other over some skyblessforsaken patch of land -- "For Skybless and Dumbcountry."
Apparently, each Dumbcountry is ruled by a Plusidiot. Plusidiots are wiser than Idiots because they have blue blood -- or so they say. Common Idiots have red blood and believe that Plusidiots are their Superiors.
Apparently, each Plusidiot has a Dumbcouncil to help rule the common Idiots. Plusidiots have a secret magic drink called Etherwise. They give it to selected Idiots to drink. It makes their heads spin. After they've been drinking Etherwise for about a month, they experience Dumbliss, become Halfwits, and qualify to serve on Dumbcouncils.
Plusidiots and Halfwits pretend to have the ability to speak and write magic words called Pluswords -- Pluws for short. Common Idiots believe that Pluws are special holy, sacred words that must be obeyed. To make sure this dumb superstition sticks, Plusidiots employ Dumbcops to punish and kill Idiots who "disobey The Pluw."
Many common Idiots campaign to "Improve the holy, sacred Pluws."
Every hundred years or so, as a result of an unusual evolutionary mutation, some common Idiot wakes up and realizes that all the political systems on Dumbtopia are scams, hoaxes, and frauds. The woken-up Idiot then suggests that Plusidiots really have red blood, just like all common Idiots, and that there's nothing special about so-called "Plusidiots" and "Halfwits" -- they're really common Idiots like everybody else.
As soon as the Dumbcops discover a woken-up Idiot, they kill him or her. "Skybless help us if the Idiots ever discover that so-called "Plusidiots" and "Halfwits" are really impostors and liars -- common Idiots like all the rest -- and that their pretended "Pluws" are hoaxes... strings of dumb lies written by "clever" Pluwyer Idiots!"
The Concept Factor
In addition to many benefits provided, the book God Wants You Dead may aid you in Smashing Idols in Your Head!
Reading the section on "Pretendities" may also help you to Smash Idols in Your Head!
Take off Your Citizen Mask!
Claude Steiner: -- (Scripts People Live):
"Imagine that human beings were, at birth, fitted with a mask which controlled the amount of air that was available to them. This mask would, at first, be left wide open; the child could breathe freely; but at the point at which the child was able to perform certain desired acts, the mask would be gradually closed down, and only opened for periods of time during which the child did whatever the grown-ups around it wanted it to do. Imagine, for instance, that a child was prohibited from manipulating his own air valve and that only other people would have control over it, and that the people allowed to control it would be rigorously specified. A situation of this sort could cause people to be quite responsive to the wishes of those who had control over their air supply; if punishment were severe enough, people would not remove their masks even though the mask might be easily removable.
Occasionally, some people would grow tired of their masks and take them off; but these people would be considered character disorders, criminals, foolish, or reckless. People would be quite willing to do considerable work and expend much effort to guarantee a continuous supply of air. Those who did not work and expend such effort would be cut off, would not be permitted to breathe freely, and would not be given enough air to live in an adequate way.
People who openly advocated taking off the masks would justifiably be accused of undermining the very fiber of the society which constructed these masks, for as people removed them, they would no longer be responsive to the many expectations and demands on them. Instead, these people would seek selfish, self-satisfying modes of life and relationships which could easily exclude a great deal of activity valued and even needed by a society based on the wearing of such masks. "Mask removers" would be seen as a threat to the society, and would probably be viciously dealt with. In an air-hungry but otherwise "free-wheeling" society, air substitutes could be sold at high prices, and individuals could, for a fee, sell clever circumventions of the anti-breathing rules."
"The only way you can control anybody is to lie to them."
Legal Scholar Lysander Spooner Exposes the Pretended "U.S. Constitution" as a Hoax, Fraud, and Scam!
Quoted from No Treason No. I and No. VI, The Constitution of No Authority (1870) [emphases added]:
Potential Action Based on Lysander Spooner Surveys
Lysander Spooner (January 19, 1808 - May 14, 1887) "[W]as an American individualist anarchist, entrepreneur, political philosopher, abolitionist, and legal theorist of the 19th century." A Lysander Spooner website is maintained by Randy E. Barnett, Carmack Waterhouse Professor of Legal Theory, Georgetown University Law Center. On 9/19/07 there was a poll on the home page with the following results:
Yes - 61.8% - 21,247 No - 24.7% - 8,501 Unsure - 13.5% - 4,648 Total: 34,397
Statistics for surveys on the Spooner site as of 12/12/07:
Do you agree with Spooner that the Constitution is without Authority? (Numbers on 12/12/07)
Yes - 61.8% - 21,437 No - 24.7% - 8,570 Unsure - 13.5% - 4,685 Total: 34,693
Do you agree with Spooner that government should not have a monopoly on the production of money?
Yes - 71.2% - 1,608 No - 15.8% - 356 Unsure - 13% - 294 Total: 2,260
Do you agree with Spooner that authors and inventors obtain property rights in their ideas?
Yes - 52.4% - 804 No - 27% - 415 Unsure - 20.6% - 316 Total: - 1,537
Do you agree with Spooner that the postal monopoly is unconstitutional?
Yes - 72.4% - 1,332 No - 14.6% - 269 Unsure - 13% - 240 Total: - 1,843
Do you agree with Spooner that slavery was unconstitutional before the 13th Amendment?
Yes - 80.1% - 2,344 No - 11.4% - 334 Unsure - 8.5% - 248 Total: - 2,928
We assume that Barnett maintains his Lysander Spooner website because he has a high regard for Spooner's writings and he therefore encourages others to read them. We wonder if Barnett agrees with the implications of Spooner's writings, particularly No Treason No. I and No. VI, The Constitution of No Authority (1870) -- partially quoted above.
Assuming that Spooner's "Constitution of No Authority" is correct, would it be reasonable to conclude that the entire "US Governmentologist system" is a fake, a fraud, a scam, and a hoax?
Would it also be resonable conclude that if Spooner is correct, then it would be absurd to believe that the Governmentologist "usurpers, robbers, and murderers" can make so-called "laws?"
We wonder how many people, after reading Spooner's No Treason No. VI: The Constitution of No Authority, still believe that the Governmentologist "usurpers, robbers, and murderers" can make so-called "laws?" -- and how many realize it's just a silly superstition?
We also wonder if, when Professor Barnett teaches "constitutional law" he does so with an inward smile or with his fingers crossed behind his back? Does he agree with Spooner and therefore think that in reality there's no such thing as "constitutional law?" -- just another part of the hoax? Or does he think Spooner got it all wrong? We find it very interesting that in the above polls, 21,000+ people (61.8% of respondents) thought Spooner got it right!
Barnett is a Senior Fellow of the Cato Institute -- a libertarian-leaning think tank. Spooner is well known among libertarians. In January 2004, Laissez Faire Books (a libertarian publisher) established the Lysander Spooner Award for advancing the literature of liberty.
According to the above polls, 21,000+ people (61.8% of respondents) had "agreed with Spooner that the U.S. Constitution is without Authority," i.e., a fake, a fraud, a scam, and a hoax. Now, how many of these 21,000+ people would go further and agree that, "If the U.S. Constitution is without authority," then the entire "US Governmentologist system" must be a hoax, and the idea that Governmentologist "usurpers, robbers, and murderers make laws" must be absurd?
It may depend on how many, and to what extent, the 21,247 are still intellectually trapped Citizens of Civilization -- for how many of them their logic continues to be trumped (overridden) by "subjective social agreement."
If a thousand of the 21,000+ (less than 5%) were to make a special attempt to expose the Governmentologist hoax -- for example, by posting videos to that effect on YouTube, Google, Yahoo, etc. -- would they have any success? Is it worth creating a political equivalent of "The Blasphemy Challenge?".
See also THE ANATOMY OF SLAVESPEAK.
Howard Bloom's Lucifer Principle
The following is from the end of the Epilogue of The Lucifer Principle: A Scientific Expedition into the Forces of History by Howard Bloom:
The main idea of Personal Power & Freedom Engineering is to persuade individuals to:
The process of individuals qualifying themselves as Personal Power & Freedom Engineers begins with Project "Learn to Think!" and continues with the suggestions on this page.
If several individuals can be persuaded to qualify themselves as Personal Power & Freedom Engineers, it may be possible to form one or more PPFE Teams who start taking practical steps to "fashion a world where violence ceases to be" (Bloom).
The following are extracts from Bloom's The Lucifer Principle [with some comments added]:
VERTICAL HUMAN DIMENSION (VHD) based on the Bicameral Model of the Mind
According to Dr. Julian Jaynes (The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind), up to about 3,000 years ago humans were not conscious as we know consciousness today. Their minds worked like this: Situations triggered mental voices and/or visions that were automatically generated in the right brain, from where they were communicated via the anterior commissure to the left brain, where the visions were "seen" and the voices "heard." The mental voices and visions "told" people what to do. Today, some people still manifest this form of mentation -- sometimes called schizophrenia. We call this stage in the evolution of consciousness, bicameral stage one -- the pre-conscious human. In this stage obedience is paramount. (See also "Baloney Generator.")
Many people are aware of an automatic, apparently uncontrollable "stream of thoughts" going on in their heads. Sometimes a situation will trigger an automatic thought like "she doesn't love me," followed by automatic feelings and emotions -- apparently not under control. When watching a TV show like "Jerry Springer," it may seem that most of the participants merely regurgitate their automatic thoughts -- with their emphasis being on trying to prove self "right" and others "wrong." We call this bicameral stage two -- the proto-conscious human. In this stage being "right" is paramount. Typical Citizens of Civilizations are mostly in this proto-conscious stage.
Some people have started questioning and critically examining concepts, beliefs, and behaviors, held sacred by their elders and most of their contemporaries. These people want to produce better results in their lives: their health, their relationships, their careers. In any area where they think their results are below expectations they seek to improve their knowledge, their skills, their competence. They also realize that some of their difficulties stem from destructive thoughts and behavior patterns acquired or developed during childhood. Their emphasis is on producing results. We call this the conscious stage. Personal Power & Freedom Engineers attempt to operate at this level of becoming as conscious as possible. Learning to use your senses to discern reality (rather than "subjective social agreement") is most important.
By conscious we mean critically aware, particularly critically self-aware. The proto-conscious person in bicameral stage two operates "on automatic" most of the time -- like driving a car without thinking, or regurgitating automatic thoughts, or reacting emotionally like a puppet, or compulsively making self "right" and others "wrong" without critical awareness of the results being produced.
The critically conscious are conscious of their consciousness. They critically monitor what they think, say, and do in order to produce the results they want. They develop the thinking skill of self-observation.
Some people are in transition from bicameral stage 2 to the conscious stage. Some are still in transition from bicameral stage 1 to bicameral stage 2. Some show signs of all three stages.
Defining Qualities: Ability and willingness to question everything; rational reasoning; causal reasoning; learning rather than "dyslearning." (See Learning and Dyslearning)
Role models: Richard Actualist, Jeremy Bentham, Steven Biko, Howard Bloom, Éttiene de la Boétie, Ernst Cassirer, David Freeman, Jack Johnson, Timothy Leary, Stefan Molyneux, Friedrich Nietzsche, Lysander Spooner, Marc Stevens, Max Stirner, Jonathan Swift, Voltaire, Kurt Vonnegut, Robert Anton Wilson
Enter stage 3 by questioning and overcoming "personal constraints," "subjective social agreement," conformity, and need for approval; primarily use your senses to discern reality
|You have largely mastered your feelings and emotions.
You strive to apply rational thought to all subjects.
You have the ability to critically examine every concept, thought, and action.
You use primarily your senses to discern reality.
You consciously create your meanings and take responsibility for them.
You strive to increase your competence in all areas of your life.
You carefully observe the results you produce, using that as feedback to improve your concepts, thoughts, communications, and actions.
You have the potential to master yourself and achieve a high degree of success.
Producing results is paramount.
Defining Qualities: Inability and/or unwillingness to question "personal and societal contraints"; Citizen of a Civilization; Feels lost if not a member of a Pecking Order Bully System (POBS)
VHD in general:
1. Is a dimension of personal development.
2. Moving upward in this dimension can involve any of:
|In your thinking, "motivated reasoning" (as opposed to"causal reasoning" or "rational reasoning") predominates -- Google for more...
Automatic feelings and thoughts often tell you what to do.
You often create meanings unconsciously, without regarding them as your own meanings, and without taking responsibility for them.
You behave like:
(a) A true believer (clinging to false beliefs and superstitions; sometimes a fanatic fighter for a "great cause"); or
(b) A helpless wimp (languishing in apathy, sometimes complaining); or
(c) A self-righteous preacher (making self "right" and others "wrong"); or
(d) A compulsive conformist to "subjective social agreement" who fears rejection if they don't "go along with the crowd"; or
(e) A macho rebel (compulsively fighting "the system," "the tax agency," "the state").
Being "right" is paramount.
3. Most animals automatically attain their full potential, just by leading their normal lives. For humans it's very different: We need to make a deliberate, conscious, and sustained effort to develop ourselves. If we don't do this, most likely we'll stagnate in mediocrity!
4. Actually, it's even worse! There are all kinds of people in Pecking Order Bully Systems (POBSs) (as well as "gurus selling garbage") who love to exploit and profit from gullible, dumbed-down, docile victims. So they use "compulsory schooling" and the media to further these ends. The more they can move you down the Vertical Human Dimension, the more they can exploit you. So, if you don't make a deliberate, conscious, and sustained effort to upgrade yourself and move up the VHD, the chances are that you'll gradually descend and deteriorate into deeper mediocrity!
5. For evidence of the above, Google :+TV +"dumb down"
|Automatic visions and voices tell you what to do.
You automatically obey the "voices of authority."
You think, speak, and behave like a slave.
Obedience is paramount.
This article has been adapted from the original by David Wong that used to be on PointlessWasteofTime.com. Another vesion can be found at Cracked.com. Parts of this presumably later version have been incorporated in the article below.
"One death is a tragedy. One million deaths is a statistic." -- Sportacus
What do monkeys have to do with war, oppression, crime, racism and even email spam?
You'll see that all of the random ass-headed cruelty of the world will suddenly make perfect sense once we go...
Picture a monkey. A monkey dressed like a little pirate, if you wish. We'll call him Slappy.
Imagine you have Slappy as a pet. Imagine a personality for him. Maybe you and he have little pirate monkey adventures and maybe even join up to fight crime. You'd be sad if Slappy died, wouldn't you?
Now, imagine you get five more monkeys. Tito, Bubbles, Fluffy, Marcel and ShitTosser. Imagine personalities for each of them. Maybe one is aggressive, one is affectionate, one is distant and quiet. And so on. They're all your personal monkey friends.
Now imagine a hundred monkeys. Then a thousand.
How long until you can't tell them apart? Or remember their names? At what point, in your mind, do your beloved pets become just a faceless sea of monkeys? If you get enough monkeys, you'll eventually have enough that you no longer even care if one of them dies.
Now, each of these monkeys is every bit the monkey that Slappy was. It's just that you don't give a rat's ass any more.
So how many monkeys would it take before you stopped caring?
That's not a rhetorical question. We actually know the number.
Uh, no. Stay with me here.
You see, monkey experts performed a monkey study a while back and discovered that the size of the monkey's monkey brain determined the size of the monkey groups the monkeys formed. The bigger the brain, the bigger the little societies they built.
They cut up so many monkey brains, in fact, that they found they could actually take a brain they had never seen before and with a simple dissection, analysis and a quick taste, they could accurately predict what size tribes that species of creature formed.
Most monkeys operate in troupes of 50 or so. But somebody slipped them a slightly larger monkey brain -- but a monkey brain nonetheless -- and they estimated the ideal group or society for this particular animal was about 150.
[Also called the "Dunbar Number."]
That brain, of course, was human. Probably from a homeless man they snatched off the street.
It goes much, much deeper than that. Let's try an example.
Famous news talking guy Tim Russert tells a charming story in his book Big Russ and Me (the title referring to his on-and-off romance with actor Russell Crowe) about his father, who used to take half an hour to carefully box up any broken glass before taking it to the trash. Why? Because "the trash guy might cut his hands."
That this was such an odd thing to do illustrates my monkey point. None of us spend time worrying too much about the garbage man's welfare even though he performs a crucial role in not forcing us to live in a cave carved from a mountain of our own filth. We don't usually consider his safety or comfort at all and if we do, it's not in the same way we would worry over our best friend or wife or girlfriend or even our dog.
For instance, I live in a town heavy on little ordinances about what one can and cannot throw out in the trash (lawn clippings must be sealed in clear plastic, labelled, individually sterilized, named and stacked in alphabetical order according to species). Thus, if you listen to people around here speak on the subject of garbage, you get nothing but snide comments and strategies to get around the petty rules (just dump the drain cleaner in a pickle jar! Those trash bastards will never know!)
There is almost no thought about what the drain acid or the Black-Plague-infected rats in the garbage will do to the poor sanitation worker.
Why? Because the trash guy exists outside the Monkeysphere.
Yes, the Monkeysphere. That's the group of people who each of us, using our monkeyish brains, are able to conceptualize as people. If the monkey scientists are monkey right, it's physically impossible for this to be a number larger than 150.
Most of us do not have room in our Monkeysphere for our friendly neighborhood Sanitation Worker. So, we don't think of him as a person. We think of him The Thing That Makes The Trash Go Away.
We all have limits to our sphere of monkey concern. It's simply the way our brains are built. We each have a certain circle of people who we think of as people. Usually it's our own friends and family and neighbors and classmates and coworkers (or at least the ones in your department) and church or suicide cult.
This is an important reason why society doesn't work quite right. The people who exist outside that core group of a few dozen people are not people to us. They're sort of one-dimensional bit characters. [There are of course other reasons as well, as suggested by the rest of this page.]
Remember the first time, as a kid, you met one of your school teachers outside the classroom? Maybe you saw old Miss Puckerson at Taco Bell picking up and eating a whole Taco Salad with her bare hands? Or you saw your principal walking out of a dildo shop?
Do you remember that surreal feeling you had when you saw these people actually had lives outside the classroom? I mean, they're teachers.
Oh, not much. It's just one of the most important reasons why society doesn't work.
Think of it this way: Which would upset you more, your brother dying, or a dozen kids across town getting killed because their bus collided with a truck hauling killer bees?
Which would be bigger news to your neighbors, those dozen mutilated bus children across town or 15,000 dead in an earthquake in Iran?
They're all humans and they are all equally dead. But the closer to our Monkeysphere they are, the more it means to us.
Exactly. This is so ingrained that to even suggest you should feel their deaths as deeply as that of your best friend sounds a little ridiculous. We are hard-wired to have a drastic double standard for the people inside our Monkeysphere versus the 99.999% of the world's population who are on the outside.
You don't know them, and they don't know you. That's why they don't mind stealing your stereo or vandalizing your house or cutting your wages or raising your taxes or bombing your office building or choking your computer with spam advertising diet and penis drugs they know don't work. You're outside their Monkeysphere. In their mind, you're just a vague shape with a pocket full of money for the taking.
That's the whole thing, right here. Life on Earth, in a nutshell. We are hard-wired to have a drastic double standard for the people inside and out of our Monkeysphere and those outside make up 99.999% of the world's population.
Have you ever gotten pissed off in traffic? Like, really pissed off? I think we all have. We've thrown finger gestures and wedged our heads out of the window and screamed, "LEARN TO F'ING DRIVE, F'ER!!" We've all pulled the gun out of the glove compartment and let a few fly at the offending car. Not firing at their head or anything. Just, you know, at their tires.
Now imagine yourself standing in an elevator with three other people, two friends and a coworker. A friend goes to hit a button and accidentally punches the wrong one. Would you lean over, your mouth two inches from her ear, and scream "LEARN TO OPERATE THE F'ING ELEVATOR BUTTONS, SHITCAMEL!!"
They'd think you'd gone insane. We all go a little insane, though, when we get in a group larger than the Monkeysphere. You know the feeling, that invincibility of being an anonymous head in a crowd, screaming curses at a football player you'd never dare say to his face.
Sure, you probably don't go out of your way to be mean to strangers. You don't go out of your way to be mean to stray dogs, either.The problem is that eventually the needs of those within your Monkeysphere require screwing someone outside it (even if that need is just venting some tension and anger via exaggerated insults). This is why most of us wouldn't dream of stealing money from the pocket of the old lady next door, but don't mind stealing cable or quietly celebrating when they forget to charge us for something at the restaurant.
You may have a list of rationalizations as long as a porn star's beefhorn for doing it, but the truth is that in our monkey brains the old woman next door is a human being while the cable company is a big, cold, faceless machine. That the company is, in reality, nothing but a group of people every bit as human as the old lady, or that some kind old ladies actually work there and would lose their jobs if enough cable were stolen, rarely occurs to us.
That's one of the ingenius things about the big-time religions, by the way. The old religious writers knew it was easier to put the screws to a stranger, so they taught us to get a personal idea of God in our heads who says, "No matter who you hurt, you're really hurting me. Also, I can crush you like a grape." You must admit that if they weren't writing words inspired by the Almighty himself, they at least understood the Monkeysphere.
You see? Once you understand the Monkeysphere principle, you can see examples all around. You'll walk the streets in a daze, like Roddy Piper after putting on his X-ray sunglasses in They Live.
Do you watch the news on TV? How much of it is about people doing bad things to strangers they don't know? War. Genocide and ethnic cleansing in Africa. Famine. People dying from malaria. Terrorist attacks. Notice what you feel when you see reports of bad things happening to people in some far-off place you can't find on the map.
Just listen to "multinational corporations" being described in diabolical terms, as an evil black force that belches smoke and poisons water and enslaves humanity. Isn't it strange how, say, a lone man who carves and sells children's toys in his basement is a sweetheart who just loves bringing joy at Christmas, but a big-time toy corporation (which brings toys to millions of kids at Christmas) is an inhuman soul-grinding greed machine? Strangely enough, if the kindly lone toy making guy made enough toys and hired enough people and expanded to enough shops, we'd eventually stop seeing it as a toy-making shop and start seeing it as the fiery Orc factories of Mordor.
And if you've just thought, "well, those TV talking heads are just a bunch of egomaniacal blowhards," you've just done the same thing, boiled real humans into a two-word cartoon character. It's the Monkeysphere!
Of course, when any outfit gets bigger than the Monkeysphere, there's no telling what they might do... Think about the tobacco companies. As long as they make profits, why should they care about millions of strangers dying from lung cancer?
That's right, it isn't possible. That's the point.
What is hard to understand is that it's also impossible for them to care about you.
That's why they don't mind stealing your stereo or vandalizing your house or cutting your wages or raising your taxes or bombing your office building or choking your computer with spam advertising diet and penis drugs they know don't work. You're outside their Monkeysphere. In their mind, you're just a vague shape with a pocket full of money for the taking.
It doesn't matter. It's just an issue of degree.
It was legendary monkeytician Charles Darwin whose observation of primates along with his assistant, Jeje (pronounced "heyhey") Santiago, that caused him to deduce that humans and chimps were evolutionary cousins. As sophisticated as we are (compare our advanced sewage treatment plants to the chimps' primitive technique of hurling the feces with their bare hands), the inescapable truth is we are just as limited by our mental hardware as that tragic figure of American lore, Terminator 2.
The primary difference is that monkeys are happy to stay in small groups and rarely interact with others outside their monkey gang. This is why they rarely go to war, though when they do it is widely thought to be hilarious. Humans, however, require cars and oil and quality manufactured goods by the fine folks at 3M and Japanese video games and worldwide Internets and, most importantly, governments. All of these things take groups larger than 150 people to maintain effectively. Thus, we routinely find ourselves functioning in bunches larger than our primate brains are able to cope with.
This is where the problems begin. Like a fragile naked human pyramid, we are simultaneously supporting and resenting each other. We bitch out loud about our soul-sucking job as an anonymous face on an assembly line, while at the exact same time riding in a car that only an assembly line could have produced. It's a constant contradiction that has left us pissed off and joining informal wrestling clubs in basements.
This is why I think it was with a great burden of sadness that Darwin turned to his assistant and lamented, "Jeje, we're the monkeys."
You, see in at least one respect humans are stupider than monkeys. Just like monkeys, most humans organize themselves using Pecking Order Bully Systems (POBSs). Monkeys are clever enough to keep their POBSs small and managable. From time to time they slaughter one another... but on a small scale. This is called "barbaric."
Most humans are too stupid to keep their POBSs small. They allow their POBSs to grow out of control, often numbering many millions. Periodically they slaughter one another (for even stupider "reasons" than monkeys do -- can you imagine monkeys slaughtering one another for "for God and Country?") to the tune of millions or even tens of millions. They call this being "civilized." Most humans are completely unconscious of how they instinctively act out primitive POBS programs they inherited from their monkey ancestors.
(Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly are paid tens of millions for the main reason that they are highly proficient bullies. No monkeys are so stupid that they pay millions to their top bullies!)
Monkeys are also not so stupid that they "pray" to "Big Invisible Idiots in the Sky!" They prey on things they can eat.
No, I'm not talking about sympathy. That was a stupid, stupid comment and you're a fool to have made it.
I'm not asking anyone to sympathize with the terrorists, for instance.
But think of Osama Bin Laden. Did you just picture a camouflaged man hiding in a cave, drawing up suicide missions? Or are you thinking of a man who gets hungry and has a favorite food and who had a childhood crush on a girl and who has athlete's foot and chronic headaches and laughs when a friend farts, a man who wakes up in the morning with a boner and loves volleyball and fusses over his spoiled children and haggles over the price of a car and who goes on Seinfeld-esque rants about too much ice in his drinks?
Something in you, just now, probably was offended by that. You think I'm trying to build sympathy for the murderous bastard. Do you see the equation? Simply knowing random human facts about him immediately tugs at our sympathy strings. He comes closer to our Monkeysphere, he takes on dimension.
Now, the cold truth is my Bin Laden is just as desperately in need of a bullet to the skull as the raving four-color caricature on some redneck's T-shirt. The key to understanding people like him, though, is realizing that we are the caricature on his T-shirt.
Go ahead, try it with any bad guy. I heard a 16-year-old kid I know, one just getting into politics, go on and on about how Washington doesn't give a shit about us and how greedy politicians are and so on ("what's FICA?!?!" he screams as he looks at his first paycheck).
I also saw this same kid, at his job, drop a hamburger patty on the floor, pick it up, and slap in on a bun and serve it to a customer. Well, there's your key to understanding your government, kiddies. Those politicians see you in the exact same way you see the customers lined up at the burger counter. Which is, just barely. Want to guess how the CEO at your company sees you worker bees?
In both cases, for the guy making the burger and the guy running Exxon, getting through the workweek and collecting the paycheck are all that matters. No thought is given to the real human unhappiness being spread by doing it shittily (ever gotten so sick from food poisoning you thought your stomach lining was going to fly out of your mouth?) Why? Because that many customers or employees just can't fit inside the Monkeysphere.
If you've just now protested that you shouldn't have to care for the customers for minimum wage, let me assure you that if you don't feel sympathy for your fellow man at $6.00 an hour, you won't feel anything at $600,000 a year.
Or, look at it the other way. If you're allowed to be indifferent and even resentful to the masses for $6.00 an hour, just think of how angry the average Pakistani man is allowed to be when he's making the equivalent of six dollars a week. And so on.
Well, maybe. There is a reason why all of the really phat-ass nations with the biggest SUV's with the shiniest 22-inch rims all have some kind of representative democracy (where you vote for people to do the governmenting for you) and all of them are, to some degree, capitalist (where people actually get to buy property and keep some of what they earn). It monkeys out like this:
A representative democracy allows a small group of people to make all of the decisions, while letting us common people feel like we're doing something by going to a polling place every couple of years and pulling a lever that, in reality, has about the same effect as the darkness knob on your toaster. We can simultaneously feel like we're in charge while being contained enough that we can't cause any real monkey mayhem once we fly into one of our screeching, arm-flapping monkey frenzies (a woman showed her boob at the Super Bowl! We want a boob and football ban immediately!)
Conversely, some people in the distant past naively thought they could sit all of the millions of monkeys down and say, "Okay, everybody go pick the bananas, then bring them here, and we'll distribute them with a complex formula determining banana need! Now go gather bananas for the good of society!" For the monkeys it was a confused, comical, tree-humping disaster.
Later, a far more cynical man sat the monkeys down and said, "You want bananas? Each of you go get your own. I'm taking a nap." That man, of course, was German philosopher Hans Capitalism.
As long as everybody gets their own bananas and shares with the few in their Monkeysphere, the system will thrive even though nobody is even trying to make the system thrive. This is perhaps how Ayn Rand would have put it, had she not been such a hateful bitch.
Why was racism invented? It's a way of simplifying the too-complex-for-monkeys world by imagining all people of a certain race as being the same person, thinking they all have the same attitudes and mannerisms and tastes in food and clothes and music. It sort of works, as long as we think of that person as being a good person (those Asians are so hard-working and precise and well-mannered!) but when we start seeing them as being one, giant, "foreign threat" or "illegal immigrant invasion," our monkey happiness again breaks down.
Definitely... when our groups get bigger than our Monkeyshere! The truth is, all our monkey management schemes only go so far. For instance, today one in four Americans has some kind of mental illness, usually depression. One in four. Watch a basketball game. The odds are at least two of those people on the floor are mentally ill. Look around your house; if everybody else there seems okay, you're probably the crazy one!
Is it any surprise? I just watched a whole news special on the Obesity Epidemic. I've had this worry laid on my shoulders about millions of other people eating too much. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? I know what to do about the fact that I'm fat, but why am I getting upset about 80 million other people whose diets I don't control? You're harshing my buzz with the pork-laden plight of people outside my Monkeysphere and now I carry that useless weight of worry around like, you know, some kind of animal on my back.
You can start by implementing a little three-step plan I like to call The TriMonkey or... the T.R.Y. Monkey:
First, TOTAL MORON. That is, accept the fact THAT YOU ARE ONE. We all are.
That really annoying person you know, the one who's always spouting bullshit, the person who always thinks they're right? Well, the odds are that for somebody else, you're that person.
So take the amount you think you know, reduce it by 99.999%, and then you'll have an idea of how much you actually know regarding things outside your Monkeysphere. Once you accept this you can no longer smirk over other people just because you think they're morons.
Second, UNDERSTAND that there are no Supermonkeys. Just monkeys.
Those guys on TV you see, giving the inspirational seminars, teaching you how to reach your potential and become rich and successful just like them? You know how they made their money? By giving seminars. For the most part, the only thing they do well is give seminars!
No, the universal moron principal established in No. 1 above applies here, too. Don't pretend politicians are somehow supposed to be immune to all the backhanded fuckery we all do in our daily lives and don't laugh and point when the preacher gets caught on video snorting cocaine off a prostitute's ass. A good exercise is to picture your hero -- whoever it is -- passed out on his lawn, naked from the waist down. The odds are it's happened at some point. Even Gandhi most likely had hotel rooms and dead hookers in his past.
|Daniel Quinn||Ishmael: An Adventure of Mind and Spirit, by Daniel Quinn|
And don't even think about ignoring advice from a moral teacher just because the source enjoys the ol' Colombian Nose Candy from time to time. We're all members of varying species of hypocrite (or did you tell them at the job interview that you once called in sick to spend a day leveling up on World of Warcraft?) Don't use your heroes' vices as an excuse to let yours run wild.
And finally, DON'T LET ANYBODY simplify it for you. The world cannot be made simple. Anyone who tries to paint a picture of the world in basic comic book colors is most likely trying to use you as a pawn.
This is not a world of us vs. them, of home vs. away teams and animal mascots. It is not a world of step-by-step success plans and clever slogans.
So just remember: T-R-Y. Go forth and do likewise, gents. Now you've got
Reproduced from Speakers Platform
Thank you for taking the time to read this article that is here under the pretense that it will inform you about "the power of humor." Actually, now that I've got your attention, I wanted to let you know about this incredible multi-level marketing opportunity that gives you the opportunity to make $50,000 a week, working from home in your pajamas.
Wait, stop! Don't click me off! It's a joke -- I'm kidding. We really are going to discuss the power of humor. I just wanted to prove that sometimes a small little thing like that can give you a chuckle. Now, come on, admit it, you did smile once you realized it was a joke, didn't you? It's ok. We don't have to be afraid to laugh anymore.
There has been a decided paradigm shift over the last fifteen years from humor often being thought of as "silly" or "not appropriate," to it being a welcome addition to practically every area of society. The last five years especially have seen an incredible insurgence of humor into the heretofore "no humor permitted" corporate world. (I don't think "Dilbert" would have been so widely embraced back in the 1980s.)
So why are we embracing humor now? Out-of-control stress in both work and home life caused people's pendulums to swing way too far to one side. Humor is now being used as one of the most powerful forces to help swing the pendulum back to center. (And maybe even further, if we're lucky!)
Humor sells. I'm not talking about funny commercials, although they certainly are more memorable than "straight" commercials. I'm talking about a salesperson trying to make a sale. If you can get your prospect to laugh at something in your proposal -- or presentation -- you have instantly shot to the top of his or her mind. We like people who make us laugh -- and we do business with people we like. And when people are laughing, they don't feel like they're being "sold."
What can you do to get your laughs? You're only limited by your imagination. I put together funny-phony print ads for sales people to show the prospect what their "competitors" are doing. While some feel it's "not appropriate" to poke fun at the competition, I have never failed to get a laugh with one of these props. And, once you've gotten the prospect to laugh, you've got a much easier route to the sale.
I also recommend humorous outgoing voicemail messages. It can be as simple as, "Hi, this is David Glickman. You've reached my voice mail, which means I'm not available right now. And, yes, it is a voice mail system. I assure you it's not an answering machine where I'm sitting here screening your calls. I wouldn't do something like that. That's what I've got Caller ID for. So please leave me a message and I will call you back as soon as I can."
These are just two examples of the unlimited ways you can harness your creativity to use humor as a powerful sales tool.
Humor heals.There have been countless medical studies and books written on the healing power of humor. I'm not a doctor (and I don't play one on TV), but I've seen enough cases of this to know its validity.
In my line of work as a professional humorist, I laugh a lot. Every day. And I think that's one of the reasons I haven't had a cold or flu in years. Laughing causes endorphins to be released in the system, and they may be more powerful than diet and exercise put together. (Or so I tell myself every time I procrastinate my workout sessions.) I think that's one of the reasons that so many comedians live such long lives. We're surrounded by laughter -- our own and our audience's.
And I know if I were to get sick, especially if it was something serious, I would add the viewing of funny videos or listening to funny audios as an integral part of my healing regiment.
Humor breaks the ice.. A few years ago I was asked to design a "comedy curriculum" for a traffic school. I can't think of a group of people who are more unhappy to be sitting in a room. They've all received traffic tickets. Many don't feel they deserved the ticket. Most are angry. And none of them are looking forward to sitting in a classroom for four hours.
I began the class by launching immediately into a quick song parody of the "Looney Tunes" theme song: This is it. It's traffic school. Don't feel bad. You're not a fool. Almost everyone's breaking the law. But you're the one they caught. I am Dave. This is your class. Four hours long. A pain in the...(pause) But who knows what you'll learn. On with the class, this is it.
The whole thing was less then thirty seconds, but it served its purpose. I caught them totally off guard, acknowledged the fact that they didn't want to be there, and got some instant laughs.
I proceeded to tell them how I knew they didn't want to be there, and were probably feeling some animosity towards the police officer that gave them the ticket. I asked them to pick up the printed test that was sitting on their desk, crumble it into a ball (which I demonstrated for them). I asked them, on the count of three, to pretend that I was the officer that gave them their ticket -- and to get their frustrations out of their system -- and I counted: one, two, three! And, of course, I was pummeled with several dozen wads of paper -- and a huge amount of laughter and applause.
I always followed up by clarifying that we were just having some fun, and then praising the police officers that patrol the streets. I then launched into the curriculum to a much more receptive crowd.
Using humor as an icebreaker makes difficult tasks a whole lot easier.
Humor diffuses tension. A speaker is heading to the podium, trips, and falls down. The crowd gasps and there is immediate tension. The speaker quickly looks up and says, "I will now take questions from the floor." A huge laugh follows, and the speaker picks himself up and regains his dignity.
Not all of us can think that quick on their feet -- or off their feet, as it were. But when faced with a tense situation, the power of humor will work more quickly to diffuse it than any other remedy.
Another speaker steps onto the platform. Either the wood is rotted, or the supports are bad, but the speaker falls right through the platform, as it collapses around him. Again, tension fills the room. Until the speaker quickly looks up and says, "Don't mind me. It's just a stage I'm going through." When I heard that story, I was so impressed with the speaker's quick thinking, I wanted to design a stage to collapse so that I could have the opportunity to use the line. (I wisely decided not to.)
Both of these stories illustrate how humorous quick thinking can not only diffuse tension, but can raise your credibility to an even higher level than had there been no problem.
You might recall during the presidential campaign of 1996, Bob Dole had a problem during a campaign appearance. He was shaking hands from a slightly elevated area, behind a fence. At one point the fence gave way, and Dole tumbled forward and fell to the ground. It was a tense moment for all, and, luckily, he was not injured.
However, had Bob Dole thought to look up from the ground and say (loudly), "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!", he would have gotten a huge laugh, and would have shot up several points in the polls. I don't know whether it would have changed the election results, but I do know it would have given him some great momentum that he desperately needed at that point.
Humor gets results.. The bottom line is that humor gets results. No matter what the need is, there is a way that humor can be used to help serve that need. Humor negates anger. Humor creates credibility. Humor gets votes. Humor gets ratings. Humor commands attention. Humor overcomes objections. The list goes on and on.
Whatever hurdles you might be facing at work or at home, don't be afraid to try humor as a technique for clearing that hurdle. When I was a child, I remember how my father would handle the times when I would get very angry. He would find ways to make me laugh. He understood the power of humor.
I remember going to him, very upset, and yelling. And I would try to resist his attempts to make me laugh -- "Don't do that, Dad! I can't stay mad when I'm laughing!"--- and he would say, "That's exactly right. You can't stay mad when you're laughing." And then in a few minutes we would talk about what was upsetting me -- in a rational, calm manner.
I learned some important life lessons from that. Lessons that have given me the ability to make an entire career out of bringing that power of laughter into organizations. My father was right: You can't stay mad when you're laughing. So try to keep laughing. You'll live longer. You'll sleep better. And people will wonder what you're smiling at all the time.
© 1999 David Glickman
Scientologists have been accused of killing maybe 50-100 people over a period of about 50 years... But what about the 300+ million murdered by Godologists & Governmentologists?
There are many anti-scientology websites, possibly several hundred. Hubbard may have been murdered: The death of L. Ron Hubbard. Some Google search results (Nov. 07):
(web) "anti scientology" - 43,800
(web) +scientology +crazy - 1,240,000
(video) +scientology +crazy - 70
(web) +"Ron Hubbard" +murdered - 35,500
(web)+"anti scientology" +activist - 2,510
(web) +scientology +"charles manson" - 41,300
Scientology is controversial. There are many "anti-scientologists." Scientology can be exploited as a "Leverage Point." Some PPFEs could use the "Flying Spaghetti Monster" as a model to create "Lord Reincarnated Hubbard" (LRH). LRH can be put on websites and in videos. LRH could send out notices defending and praising Scientology, because they've killed only about 100 people, compared to the 300+ million killed by Godologist and Governmentologist cults.
Using the terms "Scientology," "Scientologists," "Godology," "Godologists," "Governmentology," "Governmentologists," and "cult" in the same communications may help DELIGITIMIZE the enemy.
LRH could advise all "wogs" (people not yet in Scientology) to join Scientology. He could suggest that all governments hand over all their functions to the Church of Scientology, because Scientologists have the best management technology and are much better at running things than anybody else. For sure, the Scientologists would be much better than the Godologists and Governmentologists. It's extremely unlikely that the Scientologists would murder 300,000,000 in a century -- like the Godologists and Governmentologists have done..
Lord Reincarnated Hubbard (LRH)
All psychologists, psychiatrists, and counsellors should convert to Scientology because they've got the best "self-improvement technology." All Government schools should be handed over to Scientologists because they've got the best study technology. All freedom activists should join Scientology because it's "the only road to total freedom." All struggling actors and actresses should join Scientology so they can become as good as Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Kelly Preston, Jenna Elfman, Jerry Seinfeld (ex-scientologist), etc. All drug addicts should go to Scientology because they have the best recovery program. All drug treatment centers should join Scientology and adopt their superior technology. All prospective murderers (including Godologists and Governmentologists so inclined) should join Scientology so they can become as "good" as Charles Manson!
The messages could include links to websites with information about the 300+ million murders. (Because "they" can be rather litigious, it's generally better to praise rather than criticize Scientologists. Fortunately, they're so wonderful that it's very easy to find things to praise them for!)
It may or may not be appropriate and workable to create an "Obamonster" to "celebrate" the world's "Murderer-in-Chief!" It may also be appropriate to depict the "Obamonster" as the "Child-Abuser-in-Chief" who "presides" over children being forced into Governmentologist/Godologist concentration campuses for brainwashing and mind destruction.
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